I call advice columns my stories and I enjoy reading them just as a peek into other people’s lives. However, I find most of the answers unsatisfactory, even from the columnists I usually agree with. The only advice column that I think is good 90% of the time is Ask A Manager, and she has her weird spots, too. But at least they are well-established and relatively harmless (like she is pro-pranks, as long as they don’t make others the butt of a joke or hurt them). I am firmly anti-pranks because even the so-called harmless ones are still mildly based on making someone else the butt of a joke.
But, in general, she gives thoughtful responses that take several things into account. I think she leans towards giving managers the benefit of the doubt too much, but not unreasonably so. And I love that she will occasionally publish a weird letter that has little to do with work just because she wants to. In addition, she pushes people to unionize and to protest when it’s warranted. She has a history of protesting with PETA and other political groups, so she’s comfortable advocating for it. She gives practical advice on how to do it and what to expect in response, so it’s not just her being pie-in-the-sky.
And, the commenters on that website are the best I’ve read in an advice column. In fact, they are the only comments I read. I’ve tried to read others and have been dismayed at how limited the commenters have been. For example, I peeked into the comments on several Slate articles and the viewpoints were so limited. I will note that the commentariat at Ask A Manager is overwhelmingly female–I think 90%. There seem to be more men commenting on Slate advice columns, though I have no empirical data that supports my supposition.
It’s well-known that men think they’re the experts in, well, everything. And we all tend to think our own experiences are the norm. Except me. I am a freak in so many ways, I never had the luxury of thinking that I was normal. But most people think what they went through was the norm and that everything else is an outlier. Multiple that with men actually being the norm much of the time and it’s no wonder that they think they’re the standard-bearer, especially cis het white men.
It’s one thing to acknowledge that I’m a freak. It’s another to have it rubbed into my face how different I am from everyone. I’m already shaving off pieces of my personality in order not to be TOO weird, and I don’t want to bland myself up any more.