Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: contrary

Positively contrary

Yesterday, I was writing about how I’m a contrarian, but I couldn’t decide if it was organic or a reaction to societal norms. I wandered all over the place as is my wont. The reason I am thinking about this is because I am considering doing video. I have looked at a bunch of different videos in different genres over the year, and it’s pretty clear to me that there are a few general rules to follow if you want to be at all successful.

One, you have to pick a category and stick to it. Start with a broad category such as makeup. Then, pick a sub-category within that category/a niche. So, in makeup it would be–oh hell. let me switch to games, which I know better.

You want to  do videos on games. Great. do you want to actually play games? Or do you want to talk about games? If it’s the former, then you have to decide if you want to stream or to just put up videos. Or both! And if it’s the latter, then are you going to edit or just put up the raw footage?

You also have to decide what kind of game do you want to play. Roguelike-like in which every run is roughly half an hour to an hour? That’s what Northerlion did in the beginning. Or rather, what he got famous for. He did four runs of Binding of Isaac: Rebirth a day with light editing. He did this every day for years before slowly starting to branch out. He did a live show, too, and that expanded as well.

I just looked at his channel and scrolled back. There is no obvious BOI content in the last three months. I would bet he hasn’t played it on the daily since Repentance came out. I would not blame him if he never played the game again. He also was responsible for boosting Cook, Serve, Delicious! (David Galindo) when it first came out, which was how I heard of the game.

Now, he’s more of a variety show, just playing whatever he wants. He also streams quite a bit–I know he did Elden Ring (FromSoft). He spent several years, though, building up his brand–and he did it by being consistent and insanely productive.

The thing is, you want people to think of you instantly when something in your wheelhouse comes out. That’s branding, and it’s very important. Here’s a silly example. I had a thing for Alan Rickman. I was passionate about him, and I could not stop blathering about him. I would go on and on on my socials, and it got to the point that when anytthing new concerning him came out, people would send me tweets asking me if I had seen it or post it on my FB.

For example. There was a video of him making tea. That doesn’t sound like anything, but it was shot very dramatically. Slo-mo and everything. At the end, he throws the cup of tea he had just made and then upends the table. It’s  a little over seven minutes and I’ve included it below. There is also an orchestra backing him.  It’s just incredible.


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To the contrary

I’ve been called a contrarian. I am. But not for the reasons you would think. My mother once said to me in exasperation that just because something was traditional, it didn’t mean it was bad. I retorted by saying that just because something was traditional, it didn’t mean it was good, either. She didn’t like that much, but it explains our different world views in a nutshell.

She is old-fashioned and adheres to rigid stereotypes–except when she doesn’t. For exmaple, she thisk her worth is as a wife and a mother, but she has worked outside the home all her life. She hadn’t wanted to, supposedly, but my father insisted. He’s very concerned about money as he was dirt poor growing up, so he wanted as much money coming into the house as possible.

So, I was supposed to want to get married and have children, but I was also supposed to want to have a career in order to be a productive member of society. I was also supposed to go to church and probably teach Sunday School or some shit like that. I’m supposed to wear makeup, be a size 6, and all that other bullshit.

This is why I reject womanhood. I have been told all my life that I am not a woman. and I just don’t care any longer. My Taiji teacher asked if I wanted to be called they/them, but I don’t want that, either. I’ve long since gotten over my ‘they is singular’ hang-up, but it just don’t feel right for me. Same with neopronouns . I have not found one that feels right.

I’m not trying to be difficult. I promise I’m not. It’s just…none of the pronouns work for me. So I might as well stick to ‘she’. It’s the one I’ve used all my life, and, yeah, I don’t love it–but I don’t hate it, either. It’s…fine. Which is how I feel about a lot of things. It’s…fine. It’s not great, but it’s not something I want to put much effort into.

Here’s the thing about gender. I just don’t fucking care about mine. Or rather, I care much less than many people. I am not a dude. I know that much. Other than that, though, it’s wide open. And, I’m going to be frank. After dying twice and coming back twice, I just don’t care enough to figure it out. I’m at the point where ‘yeah, good enough’ is…well, good enough.

I have problems with the whole pushing of pronouns because I want to support people and whatever their pronouns are, but I don’t have them myself. As I said, I’ll accept ‘she/her’ if someone else uses them for me, but I don’t want to use them for myself. It’s hard, though, because it’s what I’ve used all my life, so I still slip from time to time.

It just doesn’t feel right, though. But on the other hand, I do feel a kinship with women because it’s what I’ve identified with for most of my life–and it’s what I’ve been treated as (albeit a defective one) for all my life.

I don’t have a problem with bonding over being women. It’s a tough road, especially now with the all-out assault on reproductive choices. It infuriates me that my niece has less control over her body in 2023 (though we’re pretty lucky in MN) than I did when I was her age.

Fuck that noise. Fuck the repressive religious regime that wants to take us back to the last millennium. By the way, this is NOT one of the reasons I don’t consider myself a woman. I have the plumbing to get pregnant, so it doesn’t really matter what gender I am in that case.

I just don’t understand why my gender matters to anyone but me. Just as I didn’t understand why back in the day me deciding not to have kids was anyone’s business but mine. Just as I don’t understand why me being bi, ENM, or areligious is anyone’s business, either. More to the point, why would anyone care? It has nothing to do with them.


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Don’t yum my yuck

I used to read Captain Awkward regularly. She was a big proponent of not yucking someone’s yum, and I agree to a certain extent. If people around you are excited about, say the millionth Star Wars movie in a month, just nod and smile. It’s no skin off your nose and you can just moved on with your life.

I hate people who go into Twitter threads and shit all over people’s enthusiasm for whatever it is. Let people like what they like! I think we can all agree on this.

However (and you knew this was coming), I also think you shouldn’t get upset if someone doesn’t like something popular. There’s someone in the RKG Discord who is, to put it politely in British vernacular, a knob. He is racist and sexist, to mention two, in a very thick-headed way. He’s been called out  on it, and that’s not the point here.

He tends to make unflattering comments about popular media. Some people react angrily, thinking he’s just being contrary. But, as someone who does not like most popular culture, he actually seems sincere in his opinions. Yes, he’s probably poking a bit, but he truly seems to believe them. He’s has no EQ to speak of, and when other people post, “He can’t be that oblivious, can he?” I want to say, “Yes, yes, he can.” I don’t doubt he enjoys giving voice to the unpopular opinion, but I think he actually has those opinions.

As someone with off-the-charts EQ, I know better than to give voice to my anti-pop culture views. A better way to put it is that I know when to keep them to myself and when to voice them.

I saw Star Wars when I was little and hated it. I did not like the sequels, either. I’m talking about the original trilogy, now known as the prequels. I have never liked them, and I have given up trying to like them. It’s ok that I don’t like them. Again, I don’t bring it up, but if someone wants my opinion, I am not going to lie about it, either.


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