Let’s talk more about the Taiji weapon forms I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m going to do the Double Fan Form for the demo of my teacher’s school next Lunar Near Year. I had a whole post about musing over which weapon form I’ll do. It was my last post, and I narrowed it down to two different weapon forms–the Double Saber Form and the Double Fan Form.
To briefly sumarize why I decided not to do the others: I love the Sword Form, but it’s done as a group for the demo on a frequent basis, so I won’t do it for that reason. And even though I’m pretty sure it’ll be the right side, I don’t want to do the left side of a form that is already being done.
Saber is not a favorite of mine. I have learned to appreciate it after hatting it from the start. It wasn’t the weapon’s fault; I expecetd it to be like the Sword Form except heavier, but it wasn’t that at all. it has a totally different feel to it. You have to move it differently, and its spirit is much heavier than the sword.
My teacher told me the saber was for cavalry as they were used as meat shields. it was considered the lowest of the forms–or rather the easiest to learn. The Sword Form, which was the first form I was taught is considered the second most difficult form. When I asked my teacher why that was the first weapon to be taught, she didn’t really have an answer.
The staff/spear is the hardest weapon to learn, by the way. I know a few drills, but it’s not really one you can practice alone, apparently. Meaning, there really isn’t a Staff Form. I think there is a Spear Form, but I am not sure about that. I would love to do a two-person Spear Form, but it’s pretty far down on my list of weapons to learn.
Right now, I’m concentrating on the left side of the Solo Form. I taught it to myself many years ago, but my teacher’s teacher was in a ‘let’s improve everything at one time’ mood by the time I got to the third section of the form. He kept changing it, and it was frustrating me. I know that forms are meant to be living and to be updated, but I needed to learn it first before I could start tweaking it. I decided to set it aside until my teacher’s teacher was satisfied with it for a measure of time.
I’m back at it because, and I hate to admit this aloud, I feel some shame that I don’t know the left side of the basic form. I’ve been studying for twenty years, and I should have taught it to myself fairly early on. I learned the right side (the basic form) within the first year. So, it’s about time to right that wrong.
I’m also teaching myself the left side of the Swimming Dragon Form (Bagua). I love this form, and it’s been fairly smooth going. My teacher taught me the first two-thirds of the right side, and then life got in tho way. We didn’t get back to it for several months, so I asked if she minded if I taught the rest to myself. She was fine with it, and I filmed her doing it. It didn’t take me very long to teach myself the last bit of the form. The hardest thing about Bagua is that 60% of your weight is on the back foot for the majority of the time. In Taiji, it’s 70% forward.
I talked about it with my teacher, and she said she had a really hard time learning to keep her weight back. It took me months, but now it’s pretty automatic when I’m doing Bagua.
I’m also teaching myself the Bagua Knives Form because the deer horn knives are my favorite It’s been smooth so far, and we’ll see if I can continue apace.
I could go safe and do the Double Saber Form. Or maybe even the Sword Fan if I want to be super safe (though that doesn’t guarantee that I woludn’t fuck up). But. Here’s the thing. I used to perform when I was in my twenties, and I wrote my own performances. I never kept it safe because that’s not how I roll.
If I’m going to do a weapon form at a demo, I’m going to do one that no one else has done or is practicing. One that pushes me and that cost me actual sweat and tears (no blood) to learn. One that shook my confidence and made me question my decisions in life. I really wondered why the hell I h ad chosen it. I scolded myself for thinking I could easily teach it to myself, and I seriously thought about quitting.
I had to reduce it to just doing one movement at a time (which is not a bad way to do it in the first place), and there were some movements I did for over a week. It was a humbling experience, and it really rattled me. I have said that I both am glad that I taught myself the Double Fan Form and that if I were to go back, I would not do it again. I know it sounds weird, but both are true. I love the form and am very proud I taught it to myself. At the same time, it took a lot out of me. Eight months. Eight long and grueling months.
I doubted myself for so many of the postures, and it seemed like I would never get to the end of it. I really had to not think about how many postures there were in total or I would depress myself. It taught me a lesson, though. Never to get too big for my britches. But, also, that with patience, I can teach myself something that complex.
It’s funny. Back when I sent my teacher a video of the form, she told me that it was extremely difficult. This was when I hit the really hard part, and I was doubting myself. Reading that from her unsolicited really helped ease my mind that it wasn’t just me whining.
It’s hard for me to knwow my abilities in Taiji and Bagua. I tend to be the kind of person who underestimates how well I can do something (the second, much lesser-known effect of the Dunning-Kruger effect study–people who are really good at something underestimate how much better they are than other people at that thing).
I had no basis for how well I was teaching myself. I mean, it’s a solitary activity, and I was doing it from watching three videos. Myi teacher doesn’t know the form, so while she might be able to give me tips in general, she could not help me with that particular form.
I’m proud of myself. I didn’t think I was going to get through it, but I did. And it’s an amazing form that I love. But, I’m glad that the current form I’m teaching myself isn’t nearly as difficult (so far).