It’s funny. When I have a hyperfixation, it’s intense for the amount of time I’m into it, then it completely disappears. Whereas a special interest lasts forever (so far), but it waxes and wanes over time. I think I have a hard time thinking that the latter applies to me because while I get obsessed with myy hyperfixations, I don’t with my special interests. Well, not to the same degree. And not depending on what it is.
My biggest special interest is martial arts weapons. Just the whole category. It’s the most important thing in my life. I just read the definition of special interest, and Idon’t think I have anything that qualifies. It’s supposed to be an obsession that drives you to be the absolute expert in that category. It defines your identity and it it’s an integral part of you. While martial arts weapons certainly is a building block of my identity and an integral part of me, I cannot say that I’m obsessed with them. Again, I practice them every day, teach myself a new one on the daily, and watch videos of different weapon forms. However, I do not consider myself an expert nor do I have any interest in becoming one. I just enjoy them for the sake of doing them. My teacher says i’m a master because I’m teaching myself, but I don’t feel like a master.
I like that I can keep my interest in the weapons high, but not all-consuming. I have a harder time regulating my inteerst in certain video games. I can play some of them in a sensible manner, but others are more likely to get me all tripped up. When Elden Ring came out, I ate, breathed, and slept the game. I played for hours and forgot anything else existed. Now, four-plus years later, I can play it casually and not let it consume me. It’s still my chill-out game that I play when I want to relax.
It’s funny because I’ve started over a dozen playthroughs of the game. I’ve finished it at least five times and probably more like seven or eight. I’m now at the point where I lose interest because the second half of the game is not as good as the firstt (it’s the same with all the From games, really). And I’m just now discovering some of the more powerful pyros. It’s funny because I’m all about the pyros. In this game, though, there are so many good incantations that I slept on the fire ones. The ranged options are the best in this game by far.
I mean, it doesn’t really matter if it’s an obsession, a special interest, or a hobby (my passion for martial arts weapons). In the end, all that really matters is that I enjoy learning/teaching myself weapon forms. It just bothers me, and I would like to settle it in my mind.
I would also like to be able to get solid sleep. That has nothing to do with me being autistic or not, but, wow, the struggle is real. I just woke up f rom a nap after not being able to sleep much last night–for no reason. Not that I need a reason not to be able to sleep–it happens more often than not.
Oh. I should mention that I got my flu shot a few days ago. That probably isn’t helping with the sleep issues. I was thinking about getting both my Covid shot and my flu shot, but I did that before (along with the pneumonia shot) and it was grim. Very grim. I react badly to any vax, so doubling up 9or in that case, tripling up) was not a smart idea. But I was at the doc, so I decided it might as well be done.
This time, I restricted myself to just the flu shot, and I feel like shit. My (left) arm is hot, and I’m tired as fuck. Oh, in the last post, I wrote quite a bit about the elections (I’ll do a separate post about that at some point when I’ve had a moment to digest it all), my god. My brain keeps drifting away. Vaccinations are, as many people know, much milder versions of the real thing (to extremely simplify it). And, of course, I’d rather not get the real thing, but the mild version is not any fun.
I’ve been experiencing menopause for the last year-and-a-half, on-and-off, and this is much like that. Again, I got off lightly. I’ve had a really easy period all my life, and menopause has mostly been a breeze. But when the symptoms hit, they make me so exhausted. Plus, I get cold flashes in addition to hot ones. I read that it’s not common, but it can happen. Even if I hadn’t read it, though, I’m not going to deny my lived experience.
I feel like that now, but worse. When the Covid vaxxes first became available, people on Twitter were saying that people who had negative experiences with them should STFU about it. Basically, they wanted to treat their fellow Americans as if they were stupid. It was that “I know better than you what’s good for you” that infuriates me. It’s the same paternalism that some feminists employed when the.y didn’t want to tell women the stats about pregnancy and age (that the chances drop precipitiously as you age).
They said it was for the women’s own good, though I don’t remember how they justified their specious reasoning. It enraged me because I always believe that the more information, the better. Let me make my own choices, damn it. That’s part of feminism (to me, anyway).
I used to wear miniskirts when I was in my late teens/early twenties because I had great legs, damn it. The secretary of my psych department (a loud and proud feminist) looked at me with disdain and a pruned-up mouth as she said (through bright pink lipstick), “What’s a feminist like you wearing a miniskirt?”
I stared hard at her and her bright pink lipstick and said, “I left the patriarchy because it wanted to tell me what to do with my body. I’ll be DAMNED if I let feminists do the same.” Especially from a woman wearing bright pink lipstick! I did not say that part, but I sure thought it hard. Talk about being a hypocrite.
If one only did the exact opposite of what the patrairchy said, one was still being controlled by the patriarchy. To me, part of feminism was making choices for myself. I knew the context in which I chose to wear that miniskirt, and I was comfortable with my choice. Did I mention that I had great legs?
More later.