It’s funny. When I have a hyperfixation, it’s intense for the amount of time I’m into it, then it completely disappears. Whereas a special interest lasts forever (so far), but it waxes and wanes over time. I think I have a hard time thinking that the latter applies to me because while I get obsessed with myy hyperfixations, I don’t with my special interests. Well, not to the same degree. And not depending on what it is.
My biggest special interest is martial arts weapons. Just the whole category. It’s the most important thing in my life. I just read the definition of special interest, and Idon’t think I have anything that qualifies. It’s supposed to be an obsession that drives you to be the absolute expert in that category. It defines your identity and it it’s an integral part of you. While martial arts weapons certainly is a building block of my identity and an integral part of me, I cannot say that I’m obsessed with them. Again, I practice them every day, teach myself a new one on the daily, and watch videos of different weapon forms. However, I do not consider myself an expert nor do I have any interest in becoming one. I just enjoy them for the sake of doing them. My teacher says i’m a master because I’m teaching myself, but I don’t feel like a master.
I like that I can keep my interest in the weapons high, but not all-consuming. I have a harder time regulating my inteerst in certain video games. I can play some of them in a sensible manner, but others are more likely to get me all tripped up. When Elden Ring came out, I ate, breathed, and slept the game. I played for hours and forgot anything else existed. Now, four-plus years later, I can play it casually and not let it consume me. It’s still my chill-out game that I play when I want to relax.
It’s funny because I’ve started over a dozen playthroughs of the game. I’ve finished it at least five times and probably more like seven or eight. I’m now at the point where I lose interest because the second half of the game is not as good as the firstt (it’s the same with all the From games, really). And I’m just now discovering some of the more powerful pyros. It’s funny because I’m all about the pyros. In this game, though, there are so many good incantations that I slept on the fire ones. The ranged options are the best in this game by far.
I mean, it doesn’t really matter if it’s an obsession, a special interest, or a hobby (my passion for martial arts weapons). In the end, all that really matters is that I enjoy learning/teaching myself weapon forms. It just bothers me, and I would like to settle it in my mind.
I would also like to be able to get solid sleep. That has nothing to do with me being autistic or not, but, wow, the struggle is real. I just woke up f rom a nap after not being able to sleep much last night–for no reason. Not that I need a reason not to be able to sleep–it happens more often than not.