Before I went into the hospital, I had an idea of how I was going to play Elden Ring. I was going to have two characters (ha!), one who was solo and one to play multi. The solo character was going to solo every boss (!) while the multi character, well, was going to do everything multi. So, basically, I was going to play with one character the way I always play these games. In other words, the tough way.
Here’s the thing. Once I got out of the hospital, I realized that my attitude towards many things had changed. I had body issues before my medical trauma and that disappeared when I landed in the hospital. Seriously. In an instant, it was gone. It was because I had a care team watching over me 24/7. 2-4 people were there constantly. They wiped the shit from my ass, and they were so warm, caring, and respectful. I was in an extremely vulnerable position; they did everything they could to put me at ease. There was one guy who treated me briskly, but it was never demeaning or demoralizing. It was just clear that he didn’t consider it his favorite part of the job Which, to be fair, neither would I. But he was efficient, quick, and no muss at all. I would take that over chatty and inefficient any day.
My point is that I had no control over anything in the hospital. I was taken care of like a baby and I had no say about any of it. my body did what it wanted to do whenever it wanted to do it, which was all out of my control. My team had people of all genders, colors, ethnicities, and creeds on it–and they all treated me as a human being. They afforded me dignity when they could have easily made me feel like a piece of meat. And they made me realize how little the shape of my body mattered.
The other thing that made me put my body issues to rest was, well, the whole traumatic experience. Just to reiterate: I had walking non-COVID-related pneumonia that made it hard for me to breathe. That led to two cardiac arrests and a stroke. All within 20 minutes. The EMTs shocked my heart back to running again, twice, and one jab of an EpiPen. The stroke is always an afterthought, but it’s probably what’s responsible for the short-term memory loss issues. I’m still having to figure out ways to shore up my memory, but it’s truly a small price to pay for what I went through.
Before the medical trauma, I struggled with my body. To be frank, I’ve hated it since I was seven and my mother first put me on a diet. I’ve had anorexia and bulimia, and now I struggle with overeating. I refused to look in the mirror because I hated what I saw. That eased up a few years ago with the help of Taiji, but it was still there. After I woke up from my week of deep sleep and spent an hour in the hospital, all of that was gone.
I am so fucking blown away by what my body got me through. And it’s not just that my body held up through all that, but a week later, I walked out of the hospital. Well, wheelchaired out, but I could walk , so that’s beside the point. The second time the physical therapist (PT) saw me, she gave me an official clean bill of health and said there was nothing else she could do for me.
While I was unconscious, the docs told my brother that if I awoke–a big if–it was probably that I would suffer brain damage. They couldn’t say to what extent, but they floated the idea that it could be permanent. I might not be able to walk or talk, or it could take months if not years of rehab to recover my abilities. And this was their best-case scenario! Quite bluntly, I should have died and stayed dead. I’ve done a lot of research since coming home and my brother has talked about it with me as well. He has been a fount of information since I woke up and he was blunt in his delivery so I got the unvarnished truth.
My brother is the one who told me the stats for cardiac arrests. 90% of people who have them, die. What he didn’t know is that the number of survival doubles if the cardiac arrest happens when the person is in the hospital. That’s still not great as it’s 20% survival rather than 10%. The one thing that makes a difference is if there is someone nearby who can do CPR–which I was fortunate to have. That triples the chance of survival, so we’re up to 30%. That’s still not great, obviously.
More numbers. At five minutes with no oxygen, brain damage will start. At 10 minutes, brain damage is most probable and death is hovering overhead. At 15 minutes, survival is nearly impossible. I was without oxygen, but we don’t know how long. The cops who answered the 9-1-1 call bagged me upon arrival because they found me on the floor of my front hallway, not breathing.
All of this is shocking to hear, I know, but it’s become a part of my story. After leaving the hospital, I did what I always do–Google the shit out of everything. It took me a few months before I was in the mental place I needed to be to do my usual sleuthing. I’m remarkably placid about what happened to me, but, it’s still very much out of the ordinary to my general life.
Side note: One of my favorite stories is about my heart doc. When I first met him a month after coming home, I said it was nice to meet him. He laughed and said that he had been there when I woke up. I immediately apologized if I said anything to offend him. He laughed and said I was hilarious. I left it there, but he brought it up again the second time we met, roughly two months later. He mentioned that again in passing and I asked him what I said that was so funny. He said that he had introduced himself and gone over what happened to me as he did with his patients because they may not remember from time to time. I interrupted and said, “So does that mean I died?” He told me yes. I replied, “That’s so fucking cool!” Which is what made him laugh. I imagine that’s not the usual response he gets from his patients when they first wake up. That is completely like me, and it’s good to know that I had not lost my sense of humor.
I’ve noticed that I’ve changed in how I play Elden Ring (in comparison to how I’ve played From games in the past). I have no qualms using my spirit summons for boss fights and I summoned the NPC for the second main boss fight as well. I’ve also summoned the NPC in the dungeons where they are available with nary a qualm, whereas in the past games, I would have stuck to my guns and tried to fight the boss solo for countless hours. Now, I can’t be fucked after a few tries–and that’s with the spirit summons. Here’s the reason why. There is so much to do in this game. I’m already over 50 hours and only in the second main area of the game–out of six or seven. Granted, there are some areas that are optional, but I assume there are more of them as I go further on. Although, maybe not. Who knows?
I’m bad at these games and it always takes me two to three times as long as other people to finish them. Therefore, I predict that I’ll put in 200-300 hours to finish one playthrough. And I want to enjoy it–beating my head repeatedly against a boss is not enjoyable. Sure, the feeling of finally beating a hard boss is exhilarating, but I find I have less patience for it after my medical trauma.
Spirit summons, NPC summons, and actual summons are a part of the game. I feel as if FromSoft has made bosses that encourage co-op more than ever. I have yet to try human summons, but I’ve done the other two and I feel just fine about it. I may try a solo-boss (main bosses) run later, but for now, I’m just going to continue exploring the world and enjoying myself.