Life is strange. That’s not just the name of a video game, that’s a fact of life. It’s been nearly 11 months since I died, so it’s almost my re-birthday. I’ll be 1 years old on September 3rd. At least that’s how I choose to look at it. And since I came back to life, the country has exploded into bullshit. I am still mad about the SCOTUS ruling on Roe (and will die mad), and I hate all the “don’t say gay” bills that are cropping up as well. We know that the religious nuts aren’t done yet and will be going after all the protected classes next.
But here’s the thing. For me, personally, it has really opened my eyes. This is not why I came back to life. It’s not what I want for the next generation and beyond. I gave up the abortion beat because I got tired, and it infuriates me that we are tumbling backwards on this issue as well as others (such as trans rights).
So. This first year back to life has been about adjusting to the fact that I didn’t permanently die. It’s weird. It’s the most momentous thing that’s happened to me, but…and I mean this non-facetiously, it’s not a factor in my daily life. I do everything I did before landing in the hospital and more. My reflexes are even worse than before–I realized this because I’m struggling with a boss in Scholar of the First Sin. It’s widely considered the hardest boss of the game–Fume Knight. I’ve done him solo before, but I’ve mostly fought him with human summons. I can’t do that right now, so I’m limited to the two NPC summons. They’re good, but I’m falling a few hits short every time. I was literally one hit away the second time I fought him and just got steadily worse.
There is no cheese for this guy. He has 10,100 HP and is resistant to almost everything. Slightly less so to magic, but not by much. And I cannot gauge his attacks any longer, especially in the second phase. This is my biggest weakness–I have to be able to tank the damage because I can’t judge space very well. And, yes, I’ve done the plat for this game recently, but you don’t have to do most of the DLCs for the plat. So I have not fought this guy for some time.
I’ve never had an easy time with him without a human summon. He’s just everything I hate about the games. He’s fast and hits hard. He has a half-dozen moves, and there’s a delay on some of them. Not all of them, though. And he does three-hit combos. And there’s a sweep in the second phase that is painfully slow and wide-ranging. You really have to study his moves in order to get them down, and that’s not my strong point.
Being a caster isn’t as useful against him. Using pyro is useless because the whole place is on fire. I feel like the DLCs are not caster-friendly at all. I even respecced and tried to go full strength, but I couldn’t go full-on strength/HP/endurance because I needed adaptability as well. That added stat dictates how well you roll, which is much needed for this boss fight.
I don’t know if I care enough to relearn the Fume Knight. Ever since my medical trauma, my desire to beat my head against a wall endlessly has vanished. Especially since I’ve done it already. There’s no reason to do it again if I’m not enjoying it. I say that, but I’ll probably do it. Btu I really don’t have to. Like I gave up on the Sekiro plat because I cannot get past Owl (Father) and I know that beating Isshin again will be nigh impossible.
I jumped on the RKG Discord a few days ago, specifically in the Krupa’s plat run thread. I was commenting and not getting any responses. Then I realized that I was commenting with the username I’m no longer attached to, but the one I used everywhere for a while. So the next time I commented, I added that it was me (I go by my real name on YouTube, apparently) and got a bunch of immediate replies. Which makes sense. I am very well-known in the chats by my real name, but who’s going to respond to someone they don’t know, especially when the username isn’t known around those parts.
I was a little surprised when I got no responses because I have quite the lively discussions in the chats, but once I figured out the reason, it made sense. The immediate responses when I revealed my true self made me realize that I’m more popular than I think I am. I think in that case, it’s partly being a female-presenting person in a male-dominated situation, but it’s also because I’m…ok, I’ll just say it. Magnetic.
I have such a hard time admitting it. When K said it to me in our recent conversation, that people were drawn to me, I mean, my impulse was to deny it. She’s right, though. People love talking to me for a variety of reasons. Because I remember details about them. Because I’m a good listener. Because I have big boobs. Because I have an engaging smile. Because I’m one of the few female-presenting people in male-dominated worlds–and I can talk intelligibly about video games.
And with my self-confidence soaring, that’s more attractive, too. So it’s time. Time for me to actually do something in the video medium before it becomes dead as well. I already know that blogging is futile, but I can’t help myself. I was watching a YouTuber who said that he writes 12,000 words a week to hone his chops. Honest to god, my immediate response was ‘piker’. Which isn’t fair at all because he has to do actual videos along with his writing, but I write roughly 3,500 a day. That’s 24,500 words a week.
I write a lot is my point. But writing can only take me so far. I need to actually do. That’s when I wish I had my brother’s energy and can-do attitude. He gets shit done.