I have come to the conclusion that I have a weird brain. Yes, that is my official diagnosis–a weird brain. I have read up on ADHD, and I think I may have some version of it. Some of the traits hit home and some don’t. One, the flitting from thing to thing like a magpie until one thing catches my interest. Then, I hone in on that with laserlike focus until I’m bored with it. that could be days, weeks, months, years.
Some of those things last a lifetime. Those are few and far between, but they are there. Writing is one. Taiji is another (especially weapons). FromSoft games is a third. My cat is another, but that’s more because I love him to bits. Even when he’s being a picky prick (at mealtimes).
Another thing is that I am much better at coming up with ideas than actually following through on them. I have a hard time motivating myself to do–well anything. Even something I like. K and I used to joke that when we got together to go out, it was pure agony. Not the going out part, but the actually getting our shit together enough to meet. First, finding a date when we both could meet was not easy. Then, actually getting the energy to leave my house was a problem. Our way of going out was that I would drive to her house and then she would drive us whenever we needed to be.
She would be not dressed when I got there. Not dressed to go out, I mean. She wasn’t naked or in her underwear; she just didn’t have her going-out clothes on. She would ask her husband to dress her (essentially) becasue he had impeccable taste. We would chat as she got ready, which could take up to a half hour. Then, we’d finally leave to go where we needed to be and have a great time.
I’ve read that time management is a big issue for those with ADHD. People have tried to describe how they would honestly decide to do ten ‘things I can do in 10’ minutes and not add up all the ten minutes. Then, they would be surprised when after the first thing, they had run out of time for the ‘just one more thing before I leave’ task.
I don’t have that, but I do have a problem that is related to time–I always, always, always worked to the back of a deadline. I have done a lot of editing for my mother, and I finally had to tell her that when she gave me a deadline, it had to be a concrete deadline. You see, before that, when she gave me a deadline, it was the absolute latest time she wanted it back.
I’ll give you an example. She would give me a paper she wanted edited in April and say she needed it by the first of May. I would start on it two or three days before the deadline and get it to her on the first of May exactly on the dot. In the meantime, she would start emailing me two weeks after she sent it to me to ask how it was going.
We had a blowout about it, and it turned out that she was giving the last-possible date because she wanted to give me plenty of cushion. But, her anxiety made it so that she had to start questioning me a week or two after she sent the paper. Once we talked about it, she reluctantly started giving me the deadline of when she actually wanted the edits rather than the absolute last minute.
I know this is a flaw of mine, but it’s also something I’m not going to change. I realized a decade or so ago that there are things I am willing to work on and things I am not. This is in the latter category, and while I have found ways to modify it somewhat, I am never going to be a ‘do something as soon as I get it’ kind of person. And you know what? I am fine with that. I can get my shit done in time. I rarely miss a deadline. And now that I can be at peace with the way I work, I don’t waste the time leading up to the deadline fretting.
I am still thinking about a YouTube channel. My issue is that I want to do it all. And I’ve talked about this before. I have watched several variety channels–they are all dudes. I can’t find a successful non-dude version that is actually interesting and well-known.
I’m not saying non-dudes can’t be popular on YouTube. They can and do. Obviously! But almost all of them–at least the ones I could fine–are all focused. There are plenty in cooking and makeup, for example. And DIY. but not in what I think of as variety show-style content.
The one that jumps to my mind is The Try Guys. I actually liked them when they were back at BuzzFeed, and I suscribed when they went solo. But being their own company changed them in a way I did not enjoy. I have said this example more than once, but it was when they went to work in a coffee shop in Australia. I realize they get the permission of the owners to be there. And, lest’s be real. The owners were probably amped because it would bring them a ton of pub.
But. They wanted to be taught how to do latte art, and they demanded to draw dicks. Not surprising, but disappointing. The person who showed them was not the owner, of course. It was some person who probably got paid minimum wage and was definitely not up for that shit. And that’s when I realized that BuzzFeed wasn’t holding them down (though they probably were), but they were holding them to a reasonable standard. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. And making a minimum wage worker draw dicks in a latte for your amusement is not something that should be done.
Even for the views. Even for the LULZ. Just don’t. I’m tired and done for now. Will pick this up later.