At the end of the last post, I was musing about being on the inside or the outside and why people don’t like outsiders. I got tired and abruptly ended the post so I wanted to expand on it in this one.
For a lot of people (especially cishet white guys), there’s an over-identifitcation with the pop culture they like. I see it all the time. Making definitive statements about what they like as if it’s fact. I’ve even seen them declare that something is ‘objectively’ this or that when it’s literally just their opinion. I marvel at the enormous amount of privilege it takes to think that way. Not only do they just assume their opinions are the norm–they don’t evev have enough self-awareness to think for a nanosecond that this might not be true.
“I think The Beatles are the greatest group of all time” versus “The Beatles are the greatest group of all time.” Many people say the latter when they mean the former, but don’t realize there’s a difference.
I would like to go through a day with that much obliviousness and certainty in my own opinions. Instead, I am painfully aware that most of my opinions are thought of as trash. Back when I started reading mysteries, they were put on their own shelf under mysteries because how dare they think they might be put amongst the literary fiction? Needlsess to say, that was quite some time ago. Now, murder is considered literature (or at least not sectioned off), and no one bats an eye if you read mysteries.
Pop culture is meaningless, right? It’s just fluffy goodness (or badness) that appeals to the masses. Except. What gets considered good or bad pop culture? Over the years, it’s been shown that things that girls/young women like, for example, get dismissed as terrible. Boy bands, Twilight, and Barbies are all examples of this. It makes sense, really, as women’s pop culture is also dismissed more readily then men’s. Women will consume pop culture aimed at men, but not vice-versa.
Let’s add to that nonnbinary, genderqueer, agender, and all the other genders. There’s no way in hell cis het white men are going to get anywhere near any of that. I have talked to other queer people about how cis het white men are almost like another species. There are downsides to this, obviously, but, dang. That undeserved confidence, though. It makes me simultaneously shake my head ruefully and envy them.
I wish I had half the confidence. Even though I have more self-esteem now than I did before my medical crisis, I still keep many of my opinions to myself. I just…am tired. I am not one or two deviations from the norm–I’m about four or five. And not in a fun way or a cute way. I am no manic pixie girlfriend, and I am very low energy. Plus, I no longer call myself a woman, so there’s that, too.
I have thought about whether I’m contrary on purpose or not, and I think the answer is…sometimes. Not often, but…it’s more like the chicken and egg situation. I was told so often through my thirties that I was ‘not a woman’ and that my opinions were sus, I became really prickly about it.
Then, when I got into FromSoft games, I soon relaized that there was ONE TRUE WAY TO PLAY, which boiled down to doing a one-bro run. That’s never leveling up anything, including yourself, weapons, or strengthening any of your armor. In the original game, you have to start as the Pyro (no problem there) because that’s the only class that starts at the level of one. Which, as you may guess, is the meaning of a one-bro run. You stay at level one for the whole game.
The true purists also eschew summoning and probably any of the cheese strats for killing the bosses. For example, you can throw fire bombs at the Capra Demon from outside the arena. I considered doing that, but I did not have to resort to it. For whatever reason, this boss doesn’t give me trouble–except as my strength run, funnily enough. It’s because it’s early in the game (sort of), and I wasn’t that strong yet. As a caster, as long as I get by the dogs, I’m golden. I just have to go up on the ledge and spell the Capra Demon from afar.
I made it up to Anor Londo as a onebro. I summoned the NPCs for the ffights I could, and I had zero guilt about it. It’s frowned upon, but who cares? The point of playing games (for me, anywhere) is to enjoy the game. Me repeatedly banging my head against a boss can be enjoyable to a certain point, but then past that point, it’s just frustrating and a waste of my time.
Andy from Oxbox was talking with his colleagues why he liked Elden Ring as opposed to other From games, and a big part of it were the QOL changes they made. Such as cutting out the insanely long and grueling boss runs. And being able to fast travel anywhere at any time (exceept when in caves). He and Mike did a video many years ago in which Andy played the original Dark Souls for Halloween because it was remastered, and he was so impatient with it. He hated having to do the boss run (it was to the Taurus Demon, I believe) over and over again as it was littered with enemies.
I don’t remember how or why, but they went on a riff about people saying everything was…I can’t remember the exact word, but cheating/wimpy/easy mode, no matter what. Haveling up? Cheating! Big sword? Cheating! Magicks? Double cheating! It was funny, but it’s so true.
If it’s in the game, it’s not cheating. More to the point, how does it affect Joe Blow if I use a shield? Dose his manhood get docked 5 points for every shield that is used in Dark Souls? That’s toxic masculinity for you. It’s not always dudes, by the way. Sadly, the people who are drawn to these kinds of games tend to be of the same mindset. DO YOU EVEN DARK SOULS, BRO?!
Yeah, I do. And Ido it the way I want to. Even if it’s cheesing or cheating or taking the easy way out. I don’t care. Look. Would they rather people not play at all than not play the ‘right’ way? Actually, I tihnk the answer to that is yes. Because as with any other kind of gatekeeping, it makes them feel morally superior to play it in such a restrictive way. Plus, it’s about who’s in and who’s out. How can you really know you’re great at the gameS if you can’t say who’s terrible at them or playing them wrong?
I’m so tired of it. And I’m tired in general. So that’s it for now.