Apparently, I have more to say about what I want (what I really, really want) from the Elden Ring DLC. I will be brutally honest. I don’t want really hard bosses that make me cry. I just don’t. I sort of bought into the mentality before my medical crisis. I would never say it out loud, but I made it my personal policy to beat bosses solo and I felt bad when I couldn’t do it.
Side note (yes, already!): I was the same way with being fat. I have hated my body for most of my life. My mother put me on my first diet when I was seven and consistantly told me how fat and disgusting (implied) I was for the next twenty years or so. At some point, can’t remember exactly when, but it was probably in my early thirties, I had to ban her from mentioning my weight at all. Not even under the guise of being concerned about my health was she to mention it.
She did not like it. At all. She was pissed, but I held firm (for once in my life) because she did not give two figs about my health. It was just how I looked and whether I could get a man or not. And, yes, specifically a man. A woman without a man was worthless in her eyes. Even a terrible husband like my father was better than being alone according to her.
She instilled a deep hatred of my own body in me. I was made to feel that I was beyond grotesque because I was solid. I wasn’t even fat at that age. I was chunky and solid, yes, because I have a mesomorph’s body, but I was not fat. And even if I was, I was seven. I was not fully formed yet, obviously (though I would say I am still not), but it set me down a dark path for the next forty-plus years.
When I started taking Taiji classes, I slowly begin to let go of my body hatred. I was amazed at what my body could do, but I still wished it came in a better package. I tried to balance the fact that it could do so many awesome things with the feeling that it was so ugly.
I always refused to talk about diets, bodies, and anything like that. Intellectually, I knew tha tbeing fat was not a moral failing or something that should be mocked. There were fat people I found gorgeous, but for me? No. I never looked in the mirror and I hated having my picture taken. It’s kind of funy that my mother gets frustrated that I refuse to have my picture taken, but it’s her damn fault! You can’t consistently tell your child that you think they’re gross and disgusting, and then expect that they’ll be happy to have their picture taken! Especially an AFAB child!
In my forties, I would have said that I was decidedly neutral about my body. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. And I still refused to look in the mirror. And my mother still had little ways to get her digs in. Even though she begrudgingly adhered to my ‘no talk about bodies’ rule. She was very good about following the letter of the law, but not the spirit. She would try to get around it by sending articles about health, for instant. Yeah, Mom. I know what you’re doing. You’re not slick.
When I had my medical crisis in September of 2021, everything changed. (And nothing changed, but this post is not about that). I died. Twice. I was not supposed to come back to life, but I did. Twice.
My. Body. Did. That.
The body that I had hated all my life and was told over and over that it was worthless.
MY BODY SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. TWICE.
My body is fucking amazing!
A week or two after I came home from the hospital (and I was high on drugs), you could not say shit to me about my body. I took pics of myself and tweeted about how cute I was. I never take pics of myself! Ever! I did my hair in several different cute ways, and snapped pics of each look. And, yes, I tweeted them.
I was cute AF, and I was not shy about saying it. Probably because as I said, I was high as a kite.
Why am I saying this in a post about the DLC for Elden Ring? Because this is another thing that radically changed with me dying. Before I had my medical emergency, I was planning how I would play Elden Ring–and that included soloing all the bosses. After my medical crisis, all that went out the window. I just did not give a damn about that. All I wanted was to have a new wondrous world to explore, and that’s what I got. I summoned willy and indeed nilly for the game. Or rather, I used my spirit summon for most of the bosses. I summoned a few of the NPCs as well, and, yes, *gasp*, I summoned humans. Oh no!
Did not give one single fuck. Nary a one. I played the game the way I wanted to play, and it got to be too much for me at the end. By the time I reached the final boss(es), I was worn the fuck out. I cheesed the first boss in the dual boss fight and then took hours fighting the sceond. The last boss of the game is in my top five of worst bosses in the game. I hate it so much. I understand why it’s what it is, but I disagree that it is a fitting end boss. Plus, with all my spatial issues, a boss that floats around the arena, up and down as well as side to side, well that boss is always going to be a problem for me. In fact, another boss I really hate in this game (that you have to fight to finish Ranni’s questline) is another of those floating in the arena types. Plus, when I was fighting the latter boss, it could one-shot me. I have written many times about how much I hate that.
Anyway. Before my medical crisis, I said that I did not care about the soloing boss aspect of the games. I was not being strictly honest. I mean, yes, I meant it in a general sense, but I still felt that I personally had to solo every boss. That’s why I’m maknig the comparison to saying I did not hate my body when I was in my thirties, which was technically true, but not really.
After my medical crisis, it became truly true. I have not soloed many bosses in Elden Ring (truly soloed, I mean. I almost always have my faithful spirit summon by my side). I summoned the NPCs for story reasons and just because it’s fun. But! I also summoned humans at the end of the game because I was just done with it. I put in over 200 hours for my first playthrough. I was tired of how hard the areas and bosses were by the last quarter of the game.
The best thing about the From games is when the difficulty seems incidental to the exploration. But in most of their games, in the last quarter of the game and the DLC, the difficulty becomes the focus. Which, quite honestly, I’m tired of. I’ve always known that the games are not for me, but I’m stubborn. I’m going to finish them no matter what. (Except Armored Core VI.) I’m not sure how much longer that will be true.