I’m going to do it. I’m going to muse about what my ideal life would look like. Why? Because maybe it will make me figure out my actual realistic goals for 2026.
First off: I want a fuck buddy. Or three. I have been trying to line one up for several years, but something has always gotten in the way. I was just getting ready to go backk to the apps at the beginning of 2020. More specifically, late February of 2020. Remember what else was happening at that time? I can’t quite put my finger on it. Hm.
Just kidding. It was the pandemic. The pandemic happened. Oh, boy, did it happen. Yes, people did date during the pandemic (online) but that wasn’t for me. Even I who am so much a loner would need to meet up in person with someone within a few weeks of starting to message them. Why? Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t go out at all.
My brother dated a ton before settling down with his current GF two years ago. I was filled with admiration because he messeged women every day. Several a day. He put in the work, which is what I’m trying to say. He went on at least one date a week, oftentimes two, and he took a break when he got burnt out.
That’s my brother in a nutshell. When he has a goal, he gives his all until he achieves it or until he changes to another goal. He does the latter often, by the way. Not a knock on him, but an acknowledgement of one of his traits.
I, on the other hand, move at a glacial pace until I actually move, and then it’s go time. I get all my ducks in a row, makes sure they’re sitting nicely, groom them and then I wait another six months. Yes,, that’s a very loose metaphor, but it works.
Ahem.
Back to my wishlist.
I want a fuck buddy or three with whom I can have a laugh and a sex. Yes, I want to do the sex and have fun doing it. i don’t want to catch emotions, which is why I’m specifying a fuck buddy or three. Race, gender, sexual orientation–none of those matter to me. Back when I did personal ads (I’m talking way back in the Craigslist days), I had a line that went like this: “I don’t care about your race, sexual orientation, or religioun–but I will not date Republicans.” I stand by that, by the way. Though I’m wary of Christians. Then again, any Christian who would at least consider going out with me would have to be on the progressive side.
Sex once a week is ideal. That’s number one.
Next, I want to finish my novemoir (novel/memoir), my anthology of short stories based on my time in the hospital, and continue doing one blog post a day. I would also like to do content creation, such as a podcast or videos or something like that. I have charisma; I have a unique point of view; and I’m several minorities all rolled into one. I have shit to say about some shit, and I’m pretty good at saying shit. I would like to do content creation that is not niche. Yes, I know how well that would go over, but as I said, this is a wishful thinking post rather than a realistic one.
Next up, let’s talk about communities. I don’t have one, and I would like to find one. Ideally in real life ,but if not, then online. I am a part of one online community, but I feel like I want to expand my horizons. In addition, the one I’m in has people who are very much of a certain demographic.
I want to find a community of queer and genderqueer Asian people. It would be nice if there were people who were neuroatypical, too. Oh, and ENM would be nice as well. I want to be able to let down my guuard and just be me. That’s something I can’t do on the regular. It’s one reason I prefer to spend most of my time alone. I cannot relate to most other people on more than a superficial level. As my old therapist said, they simply don’t understand what I’m saying. In a literal sense, I mean.
I want to find a group of people, anywhere from three to seven. Maybe ten, but no more with whom I can chill and just be. I want to be able to talk about deep issues, but also frivolous ones as well. I think this would be easier to find online, but I’m not sure how to phrase it or what exactly I’m looking for.
I want to tighten up all my Taiji/Bagua forms. I have been neglecting the Solo (Long) Form because it’s not my favorite thing. I hated it when I first started taking Taiji classes, then I became neutral to it. Now, I appreciate that it’s the base for everything we do in Taiji, but it’s still the last thing I want to practice. The weapon forms are just so much more interesting to me, and I could spend countless hours on them.
I have two more postures to teach myself with the Double Fan Form, and then I’m done. I cannot believe it; I truly thought I’d never reach the end. Conversely, I did not think it would take me seven months to get this far (plus one month off after my three-shot day), but here we are. I got so impatient at times, especially when I could not practice because of my reaction to the shots. But, as my teacher has said, no muss, no fuss. No hurry, no worry. Meaning, there’s no need to rush things because there’s always more time. Until there isn’t, but that’s just life. She never said the last line, by the way. That’s just my interpretation.
It’s funny how slowly my opinion on the Solo (Long) Form has changed. So slowly it took years for me to realize that it had done so. I had been adamant that I hated it for such a long time, but the time I realized I didn’t, I wasn’t sure when that had changed.
I still have to make myself practice it every day, though. And I only do one seciton of a section at a time. I would like to teach myself the left side of the Solo (Long) Form in 2025, but I haven’t quite gotten to the third part of the third seciton. What I mean by that is my teacher’s teacher has changed certain postures in the form, and I have not tackled the changes in the last section of the form.
That’s all for today. More tomorrow.