My god. This flu shot has really kicked my ass. I was mostly fine the first day except for my burning arm (common reaction to getting a vax for me. After my first Covid shot, the hot bump lasted until my next shot–six weeks later). Then, the fatigue hit, and it hit hard. And the chills. And it hasn’t gone away yet. It’s been nearly a week, and it’s still pretty bad. I ended up napping at my desk again, on and off, for three hours. If i didn’t know this was how I reacted to vaxxes, I would think that maybe I had the flu.
I need to go to my yearly doctor appointment, and I need my Covid booster. If I can get an appointemnt within the next week, I’ll probably get the booster then. Otherwise, I can get it at my pharmacy. I don’t want to get it, though. I hate how they make me feel. I know it’s better than getting the flu or Covid, but it stil makes me feel pretty shitty.
By the way, back when the Covid vax first came out, I was still on Twitter. There was a debate over whether people should mention that you can get a bad reaction to the jabs. There was a prominent Democratic tweeter who said that it was bad to mention it because it would deter people from getting their vax. It would have been fine if he stopped there (though I would have disagreed with him), but he went on to say scornfully that the effects weren’t that bad, anyway (implying that anyone who had a problem with them was a big baby).
When I tweeted that I preferred to know all the possibilities because then I wouldn’t be unpleasantly surprised when I got the jab, a woman implied it might deter someoene from getting the shot. I mean, it might, but I don’t think we should treat people like recalcitrant children who need to be tricked into getting their shots. This is a pet peeve of mine, and I’m not sure where it stems from. I hate being told to do something for my own good or that it’s ok to lie to me to make me do something someone else wants me to do. That’s manipulative and not to mention gaslight adjacent.
I have always been a ‘give me as much information as there is available’ kind of person. I want to know the possibilities rather than have to imagine them. I don’t think this is a controversial statement, but apparently, it is.
I’m really struggling with this flu shot. I want to make it clear. I always have an intense reaction to my vaxxes. It’s never ‘just a little prick and a bit of stiffness’. I know this going into the shots, and still, I’m not prepared for just how shitty they make me feel.
I can’t help but think of all the years I did not get a flu shot and did not get the flu. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had the actual flu in decades. I know it’s a chance I’m taking every time I don’t get the shot, but my god, I hate getting one. I hate it so much. I was considering getting my Covid booster at the same time, but the one time I got three shots at the same time (those two plus the pneumonia shot), I was flattened for weeks.
It’s amusing to me that the typical reaction to vaxxes last one to three days. That was so curious to me. I did look up a bump that lasts at the site of injection, and the Google tells me it’s harmless and common. Lasting several weeks is no biggie, apparently. It’s the body buliding up protection against the sickness–which is wanted, obviously. But I wish that my body didn’t go quite so ham in response to the vaxxes.
Also, it’s really hard to look up autistic response to vaccinations, obviously (ugh. I hate that it’s even a thing), so there’s not much useful data there. Related, finding out that sensory issues is a symptom/trait of neurodivergence has been a god send to me. After spending most of my life being told I was imagining things or that I was too sensitive, it’s a relief to know it’s not me. Or rather, it’s me, but I’m not making it up/imagining it/being ‘too sensitive’ (whatever the fuck that means).
By the way, it’s hard not to regret that I didn’t know this about myself decades ago. So many years wasted trying to make myself fit in. Even when I stopped trying, it still lingered in the back of my mind–what a freak I am, I mean. How weird and how I could never be a normie. Even when I made my peace with that, I still thought there was something wrong with me. This is one of the insidious negatives of ableism–if you don’t realize that it’s ableism, you just think there’s something wrong with you. Yes, that’s the same about other isms, but those are easier to spot.
I’m Asian. Racism is usually pretty blatant. Not always, but the tells are there if it’s not overt racism. Same with sexism. Biphobia is more difficult especially as I’m not partnered up, but when it happens, well, at least the queerphobia part is usually obvious. Or at least I clocked that these were issues when I was in my twenties. I had no idea I was neurodivergent until I had an inkling in my early thirties. Back then, though, I thought I might be ADHD, which I no longer think I am.
It wasn’t until maybe five years agothat a friend gently asked if I had ever tested for autism. Nope. Never occurred to me, but once it did, so many things fell into place. It’s so ironic that I had told my brother that he was autistic a few months before I had my medical crisis, but I had no idea that I might be as well. And when my mother questioned if she was herself, I initially rolled my eyse because she had a bit of “I’ll have what you’re having”–meaning that if something happened to me, she had to have had it happen to her as well.
The more I thought about it, though, the more it wasn’t such an outlandish idea. In fact, I can think of a few people in my family who are probably autistic. Including me. More tomorrow.