In reading my stories (Ask A Manager), there was a question about working at home with a 4-year old child constantly interrupting the OP. Her partner’s child, not hers. There were a lot of points made, but one really irritated the fuck out of me. It’s the second point made by this commenter, specifically this:
“Low-energy” or no, 4-year-olds are actually pretty flipping cool and awesome.
Low-energy is how the OP referred to herself. I strongly disagree that 4-year-olds are cool and awesome. I mean, they are in the general sense, but that age is not one I like to be around for any great length of time. Honestly, anything under 10 is not interesting to me.
Do I say this aloud? No. There is so much pushback on saying you don’t want to spend time with children–especially if you are female-presenting. And I want to stress that I don’t hate kids. I get along well with them, but I find them really tiring. I am definitely a low-energy adult. I find other people in general wearying and little kids even more so.
In addition, the fact that in America you’re not supposed to say anything to your friends and family about how they raise their kids unless there is actual abuse involved, which I do not understand. Especially if you’re in my house, you follow my goddamn rules. Also, if someone is interacting with me, then I will be honest in my interactions with them.
It’s weird. One time when she was eight or nine, my niece was talking about her god and how he was the best god because he had been around the longest. Which is demonstrably not true. And I told her that. Not that he wasn’t the best, but that he hadn’t been around the longest. When I mentioned this to my therapist (can’t remember why), she sharply rebuked me for saying that to my niece. I was surprised because I didn’t see anything untoward about it. She said it was inappropriate to contradict what she knew about her god, which I didn’t understand.
I mean, I do understand because religion. But I don’t understand why not say something in an age-appropriate way. I don’t like lying in general, so I don’t see why I should do it with kids. I get that people do it all the time, starting with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. I understand it, but I don’t agree. “You are a small person, so I can tell you any old thing just because you’ll believe it.”
With my niece, I didn’t say that her god was imaginary or wrong; I just noted that what she said wasn’t factually true. Not by a long shot. The Christian god is not the oldest god at all. And she didn’t seem traumatized by it. Many years later, she said she was sad that I wasn’t a Christian because when I died, I would go to hell and she would not be able to see me. Which touched me, to be honest. I told her that because I was not a Christian, I did not believe in hell, but I thanked her for the thought.
I honestly don’t know the answer to this. I don’t believe in her god (which, by the way, she doesn’t either now that she’s an adult. Also, she was one kid I really enjoyed spending time with. Another was my bestie’s child), so was I supposed to shine her on? I do understand that kids aren’t mature enough to understand the nuances of adult conversation. That’s why I just tackled the factual aspect of what she had said. But I don’t think it would have been wrong for me to say that I didn’t believe in her god, that people have different beliefs, etc.
That’s another reason I didn’t have kids. I place a huge value on telling the truth because of how my parents constantly gaslit me growing up, and I would not be able to dissimulate with my kids. I might be able to lie by omission because I’m really good at that, but not to outright lie.
By the way. I can’t find a song about not liking children. I also had a hard time finding songs about being child-free. For whatever reason, these are just taboo subjects in our society. So, instead, I included an acoustic cover of ‘Not Perfect’ by Simple Plan from two young Asian (I think) people that is really rad.
The other point I want to emphasize is that I don’t blame the kids for me disliking them. I know it’s me. Well, sometimes it’s them because they are brats, but most of the time, it’s my shortcomings. That doesn’t mean that I want to spend time with them, regardless. As I said, there are exceptions, but for the most part, spending several hours with a 4-year-old is not in my top ten things to do.
To be fair, though, neither is spending several hours with just about anyone who isn’t close to me. Because of all my sensory issues, the way my brain works, and other issues, I vastly prefer to spend my time alone. I view having to deal with others (again, except for certain people) as intrusions that I don’t want to deal with.
Just as people with kids can never really explain what it’s like to be a parent to people who aren’t, those of us who prefer spending our time alone cannot adequately explain why. I’m perfectly happy to be on my own 90% of the time, which is not something that most people feel comfortable with.
By the way, I think I fucked up my meds for a few days. I get my refill with a week or two to go with the current bottle. I have five prescriptions. Three of them are just pop a pill as soon as I wake up. One is you must take with food. Oh, one of the first three is you have to take without food in your stomach for half an hour, so that’s why the fourth pill is later than the first three. Then, the fifth is to take at night.
I somehow mixed up my two new bottles. I put both of them in a separated space from the pills I’m actually taking, but not from each other. And because one had a green sticker on it, I assumed it was to replace my current bottle with a green sticker–which it was not.
It’s not great, but it’s not deadly, either, if I doubled up on my aspirin or my Synthroid. And I’m not even sure I did! But if I did, that would explain why I felt like shit for those few days and had difficulty sleeping. However, my heart did not race and I didn’t feel jittery at all. That’s why I’m not sure. Also, my meds are about on track, so who the hell knows? It’s shown me, however, that I need to pay closer attention to my meds. It’s a good wake-up call.