Communication frustrations

I have mentioned more than once that I have a hard time communicating with people. I don’t have a hard time talking to them because I have a very good EQ. I know how to meet people on their level and quickly adjust my language to reflect that. What I have difficulty doing sometimes, however, is conveying my thoughts on complex matters when I’m trying to be brief about it.

My brain thinks on many different paths at once. Plus, people like easy and neat answers. Life rarely provides them. It’s one reason I don’t stick with any community for very long–because ideas become reified in a way that is uncomfortable for me.

I’m usually very careful in how I say/write something, so when someone comes for me in a way I wasn’t expecting, it’s a surprise. I know I can’t possibly see every argument that might come my way, but I normally can see the big ones.

Then, I have to decide if I want to respond or just let it go. I might have a back-and-forth if I’m up to it, but especially online, I  don’t often think it’s worth it. I have to calculate what I would say, if I think the person would be up to hearing my argument, and if I could say it in a way that they could understand. Oftentimes, the answer to one, two, or all three of those questions is no.

Back in 2008 during the primaries, I was debating with someone on Balloon Juice about Clinton vs. Obama. The person I was arguing with was an older white woman, and she was saying it was Clinton’s turn (which was something my older white lady doctor had said, too). I don’t believe in turns in politics nor that Clinton should automatically be before Obama because she had been in politics longer. We don’t have oligarchies/monarchies in the States. People are voted into positions for a reason.

That’s not to say that I didn’t believe there was sexism in politics. I did. And I do. There is also racism in politics. And every other systemic issue that permeates society. Politics are a part of society and not set apart from it.

Anyway, she was passionate about Clinton, which, fine. I thought about it long and hard. I was going back and forth between Clinton and Obama because I saw pros and cons to each of them. I was leaning towards Obama, but I was willing to hear pro-Clinton arguments, too. But, when this woman talked about how it was time for our first female president, I pointed out that the first black president would be pretty great, too.

Then, she decided  to explain to me why having a female president was more important than having a black president. To me, an Asian American female-presenting person. Someone who had experienced sexism and racism–not to mention biphobia. I did not need an older white lady to talk to me about sexism. And how it was more important than racism.

I was so offended by her comment. How dare she? But there was no way for me to explain it in 100 words or less, and it was clear that she wasn’t going to change her mind. So I just walked away. Which is not bad in general. Indeed, someone is wrong on the internet is mocked for a reason.

However, I also stopped going to that website completely. Not just because of her, but she was the catalyst. One thing that happens to me is that I get bored with websites because they grind out the same content every day. I’m not dissing them for that, by the way, because that’s what they are paid to do. That’s why people like them–they are comforting.

I get bored when I know the same thing is going to be posted every day and the same people are going to make the same comments. That’s on me. I fully acknowledge that. It’s why I am into something for a few years and then lose complete interest.

Which is strange because I like routine in other things for this exact reason. Such as playing Dark Souls III dozens of times and doing it the same way each time. I started another playthrough of Elden Ring, this time determined to be a dex character. I started as The Prisoner, though, which is magic-based because it’s a good all-around character and started with a staff. I had so much trouble with my first character because I could not do any offensive magicks for the first ten hours that I refuse to start a new character without a staff.

I am trying to stick to Vigor, Endurance, Mind, and Dex, but it’s not easy. Especially when I know that there are spells and incantations I can do with minimal Int. and/or Faith. Plus, a bit of Arcane would be nice as well. And then I’m back to being a caster again. The good thing about the game is that you can have, comfortably, 160 levels by the end of the game. But, you need every one of those levels. I’m trying to pump as much into dex as possible, but the call of my favorite stats is strong.

I think that in real life, it’s hard for me to constantly mask. That’s why when I can be my real self, it’s such a relief. There are few people with whom I can just be me, and I treasure each one of them. I can say things to them that I can’t to anyone else without fear of being misunderstood. If we have a disagreement, then we can talk it out or at least see each other’s point of view. When I try to explain myself to people in general, it does not often go well because we’re talking on two different planes. So not only do I need to get my message across, but I have to find a way to make it understandable on their level. Regrettably, I often decide it’s not worth the effort. Which is fine, but it makes me feel even more isolated. That’s on me, though, and not on anyone else. I’ll continue to work on it.