Today is my second rebirthday.
That’s doing my head in at the moment. It’s been two years since I died twice and came back again twice. At least it will be by the time you’re reading this.
My mindset is so different since then, even if my life itself is similar. I went from hating almost everything about myself to no one being able to say shit about me. Now, I’ve calmed down with my egoism a bit, but I’m still left with a better self-esteem than I had before I ended up in the hospital.
That’s not hard to do given that my self-esteem was nearly nonexistent beforehand. Taiji helped drag it up to low rather than negligible, and I was able to project that I was not as negative about myself as I was.
Now, however, my self-esteem is what I would call healthy. I think my body is wonderful because it got me through death twice. And, as I always say, that’s walking (non-Covid-related) pneumonia, two cardiac arrests, and an ischemic stroke. My body took all that, laughed, and said, “Is that all you got?”
Seriously. I should be dead. For real, I mean. I should not be here, and I stil consider every day a bonus day. I am writing this the day before my rebirthday, and I just ordered a whole mess of Thai food to enjoy as I watch the early access episode of Elden Ring Retry from RKG. This is my Saturday afternoon, by the way. I have Taiji class at noon for an hour and a half. I watch a bit of the Retry episode before class, but then I have to leave the rest for later.
This episode is over two hours–which is nice and juicy. The lads have been really spoiling us with all the content. People can be such assholes, though. I was reading the comments on the Patreon page, and people were complaining because A) Rory is too OP; B) Rory is so bad at the game; C) Rory is spreading his points too much; D) Rory is using too much magic, and that’s just the start of it.
I understand that everyone has different expectations, but so much of it is just unnecessary gatekeeping. Retry is meant to be for hard games, but I just want Rory to enjoy the game. I love Elden Ring so much; I want him to experience the joy as well. I get that everyone thinks they know the one true way, but to be blunt, they don’t.Just because something works for them, it doesn’t mean it’ll work for someone else.
In addition, if it’s in the game, it’s not cheesing. I really hate the idea that you have to be pure in order to play the game correctly. Putting aside the idea that you can be ‘pure’ in a game like this, who the hell cares? I understand that this is on the internet and for the gen pop’s enjoyment–but that doesn’t mean the consumers are entitled to dictate how that entertainment is provided.
I love the internet. I love how you can get all this entertainment at your fingertips. But in conjunction with that, it must be said that the consumer has gotten more and more entitled.It’s so easy to leave a comment on a video or a post or in Discord. Or email. And to believe that your entertainment should be uniquely made for you. Bespoke, as it were.
The thing I have always loved about RKG, though, is that they do it their way. They take in the feedback, but then they do their own thing, anyway. Rory is the one who plays the game and is all over the place. Someone in the Discord mentioned that Rory had the traits of someone with ADHD (as the poster himself had), and that it was warming to see that Krupa and Gav were so cool about it.
I don’t know why it never occurred to me that he had ADHD. WHen the guy posted it, it made sense. Probably because diagnosing people you don’t know is not cool–even if you’ve consumed tons of their content. It made perfect sense with Powers, but I think it’s because I just see him as Rory .Yes, he’s impatient and hyper and all over the map. That’s just him.
But it fits with why he can’t focus on any one thing and always has like ten irons in the fire. I envy him because i tend to be focused on one tihng at a time. Which, actually can be a part of ADHD as well. This is something I didn’t know until I was older. You can be scatterbrained when nothing is holding your attention, but when you get into something, nothing can deter you.
I’m like that with my weapons and From games. I’m obsessed with both, and I can keep my focus on one or the other for hours. When it comes to Taiji weapons, I have increased my practice significantly, and I cannot wait to learn a new weapon. I’ve put a moratorium on them for now, though, because I’m refining the forms I already know, including the Solo Form, but I’m getting itchy.
Ever since I saw one of my teacher’s classmates do the Guandao, that has been my aim. It’s a modified halberd that you swing over your head. It’s something like ten pounds, That’s going to be quite the work out for my arms. Which is one of the reasons I love the weapons. They do really nice things for my biceps.
In addition, they actually give me confidence. Not because I’m fit, but because theoretically, I could defend myself if I’m attacked. They make me feel better abotu myself, too. Like, here’s something concrete that I have learned that can be to my benefit.
As for the From game, they have taught me things, too. Such as how to persevere when things are not going my way. In the past, I would only do things I was good at because I was shamed by my parents for not being good at something. If I struggled with someting at all, I would refuse to do it again.
Then along came Dark Souls. It was unlike anything I had ever done before. I sucked at it, and I considered giving up so many times. I did actually give up once and did not touch the game for another year. When I finally got back to it, I had the resolve to play it all the way through. Which I did. Then hated it when I finished. I vowed I would never touch it again.
Oh, what a sweet summer child I was. I played it in order to be ready for the sequel and by the time I got to the third game (which I played in real time), I was a big fan. That became my favorite game, and it was my comfort game for a very long time. Now, I would put it and Elden Ring as a tie with Dark Souls III winning out by a hair on some days. I learned a lot about myself from playing those games, including that I could finish something I wasn’t good at. That was a revelation for me, and it made me feel better about myself. It’s nice being able to do things easily, but there’s a satisfaction in doing something through grit and determination.
At any rate, I am so glad to still be alive. I’m eager to see what my third year of rebirth brings.