I’m back to muse more about the new year. We are in the first day proper, and I want to talk more about my three big goals. Here is my post from yesterday, which mostly focused on my writing. I want to add another step to reach my writing goal. I usually spend most of my time at my desktop, but I write at my laptop. I need to make the commitment to change computers before it’s time to go to bed. So, I’m going to say for now that I’m going to go to my laptop at midnight. That will give me more than an hour to write before going to bed.
Again, I want to give myself as much cushion as possible so that I will actually meet my goals. I want to set myself up for success, which is not something I usually do. Most of the time, I set myself up to fail by setting impossible goals. Not because I think I can do them, but because I feel I need to go big or go home.
To refine the writing goal: It has to be a solid hour of writing. I have had a hard time not stopping and starting, which didn’t used to be a flaw of mine. I had many, but I could write for hours without stopping. I don’t want to blame my medical crisis, but it’s possible that it’s responsible. Even though I’m not really affected in my daily life, I did have a stroke. That probably knocked something loose in my brain.
Let’s talk more about Bagua. Right now, I’m working on the left side of the Swimming Dragon Form (hands only). I am about halfway through, and it’s been mostly easy going. There have been a few postures that have fucked with my brain, but for the most part, I’ve been able to teach it to myself fairly painlessly.
I should be able to finish it in a week or two. Then, I will get started on the Bagua Deer Horn Knives Form. I just watched the video for it again, and I’m excited. I also watched my teacher’s teacher’s Karambit Form video. I had previously taught myself about a third of the form (thinking I was nearly done), and I want to pick it up again, too. It’s not canon Taiji, I don’t think, but I’m sure my teacher’s teacher made it so.
Do I think both are doable in one year? Yes. Am I going to commit to it? No. Again, I’m trying to make my goals as attainable as possible. So, the official goal is to teach myself the Bagua Deer Horn Knives Form with the stretch goal of teaching myself the Karambit Form. Or, let me be more realistic. To re-teach myself the part I know. As I was watching the video, I noticed the places where I had got it wrong.
I love knives and swords. Probably to an unhealthy degree. For now, they are all practice swords and knives, meaning either dulled steel (my sword and saber), practice steel (flexible) (double sabers), practice steel part two (deer horn knives), or rubber (karambit).
My teacher had a classmate who insisted on practicing with sharpened steel blades. They cut themselves severely and my teacher’s classmates learned not to get too close to the person. There is no way I would have practiced anywhere near that person as one, I don’t have great depth perception, and two, I bruise/bleed way more easily than most people do. Also, three, that’s just ridiculous and outrageous.
I’m not learning the weapon forms for practical purposes–meaning, I’m not planning on using them for defense. Let’s face it: I can’t go around brandishing a sword or a saber. I could use a cane or a fan, though, s othose are the practical weapons.
I teach myself weapon forms by vibes, honestly. I teach myself a posture and then see how it goes. I’ve taught myself two or three at a time before, but it’s usually one posture every few days (or one a week at times with the Double Fan Form). Then, every day, I do the form from the beginning to the point where I don’t know the next posture. I gauge how comfortable I am with what I have learned so far, and that’s how I decide whether to move onto the next move or stay with the current one.
I will not underestimate a new form again. In my naivete, I thought it would take me three months to teach myself the Double Fan Form. How I laugh (ironically) at myself for thinking it would be, well, not a breeze, exactly, but not that hard. I learned the Fan Form fairly easily, even though it took me two times to teach it to myself because I started it a mere two months after my parnts left (after my medical crisis. So five months after the medical crisis itself). It was several months later when I wanted to teach myself the left side that I realized I had not done a great job teaching myself the right side. I did that again, and I still have not taught myself the left side.
Hm. I’m tempted to put that on my list as well. As an amuse bouche. A palate cleanser. An in-between, as it were. But, again, I don’t want to take it too lightly. I don’t think it’ll be that hard to teach myself the left side of the Fan Form, but it’s third on my list of forms to teach myself this year. And, yes, it does count as a separate form, kind of. I mean, it’s not a different form, but it’s still a form. That made sense in my head.
I don’t count it as a separate form, per se when I think about the forms I know. However, there still is something in the back of my head that notes it’s a tick in the ‘I know a form’ box.
For the record, I know the Long (Solo) Form, right and left (though my left side is really rusty. Wait, do I know the whole left side? Hm. Not sure about that. I was teaching myself the left side when my teacher’s teacher started constantly refining it, and I stopped in order to let him CTFO before I finished it). ; the Cane Form, right and left; the Sword Form, right and left; the Wu-Li Dancing Sword Form, right; Swimming Dragon Form, right; Double Fan Form, right; Double Saber Form, right; Cane Form with the saber, right and left; and staff drills.
Another goal, not for this year, but for next, is to have my Double Fan form polished enough to do for my teacher’s school’s demo, but that’s another post for another day.