Tag: anniversary | A Banana Peeled

I have a belief I use on friends. When they go through something life-changing like having a children or getting married, they get a year to talk about it whenever they want and at any length. Then, they need to cut back proportionally as time goes on. I’ve never had to invoke it because my friends aren’t the type to go on forever about, well, anything.

I’m coming up on a year since my medical crisis happened. Which is difficult to believe. I should be dead. I should not have survived one night, let alone a year. I am better than I was before it happened, which is bizarre as well. But does this mean I can’t talk about it any longer?! K says no. when I mentioned this a few months ago, she said I’m allowed to talk about it as much (or as little) as I wanted, however I wanted to talk about it.

I told her that mentioning it made me feel self-conscious because it’s such a conversation-stopper. It’s not something I can just casually drop into a conversation and not make it a thing. K said that I could talk about it whenever I wanted because it’s part of me. She hastened to add that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to, but I shouldn’t feel like I couldn’t.

And, I get it. She’s right, but it’s still…

There is no one like me. I Googled like shit to find anyone who had survived two cardiac arrests and a stroke with little to no side effects. I found nothing. I can’t find any support group for people like me, either. And the sobering reason is because most people who have cardiac arrests die. Most people who suffer from strokes aren’t in any shape to chat about it.

I still haven’t figured out a way to talk about it. In the RKG Discord, I’ll mention a life-threatening medical event, but that doesn’t really got to the heart of the matter, either. I’m not sure it really matters, but I would like to be able to bring it up because it shapes my world view.

On the other hand, I can’t really offer it as a solution for, well, anything. Before my medical crisis, I hated my body. I spent years thinking it was disgusting and too gross for words. Same with my face. I hated looking in the mirror, and I balked at having my picture taken.

It’s almost nine months since that fateful night. When I first got out of the hospital, I gave myself six months not to think about my future…which dragged into nine months. I could say it’s because I’m rehabbing, but that would be a lie. I left the hospital, came home, and was good to go within a month. By two months, I was 90% ‘normal’. When my parents left a few weeks later, I was 99%. I had and still have a few very slight short-term memory issues, but nothing that a pen and a pad of paper can’t solve.

It’s time, though. To consider what I’m going to do with my bonus days, my rebirth, my new life. I had my actual birthday in April, but I consider September 3rd my rebirth day. I’ve learned 2 weapons forms since I came home from the hospital. Plus, tightened up my solo (long) form, which is my weak point.

I’m temporarily putting my weapons on hold so I can tweak and refine all the forms I already know. I do want to teach myself the last section of the Karambit Form, but I’m willing to wait on that. However, I’m thinking about the next weapon form I want to learn. Weapons are my life and they spark joy. I really want to learn the guan dao, but I’m not sure I’m up to it yet. It’s heavy and big, and you have to twirl it over your head. But, my god, it’s amazing.

I’m pretty proud that I taught myself the Fan Form in a few months. I need to clean it up, but it’s looking decent. I also want to teach myself the left side to all the forms I already know. I have done so for the Sword Form, which I can still do. I taught myself the left side of the Saber Form and can struggle through it. I taught myself half of the Double Saber Form, left side, but I’m not confident about that one at all.

What are the weapons forms I know? I’ll tell you and liken them to romantic relationships for funsies. Sword Form. First weapon form I learned, kicking and screaming. It’s funny to remember how resistant I was to learning a weapon, considering how much I love them now. The Sword Form is my married partner, the one I want to come home to every night. s

The Saber Form is the classic romcom weapon. I hated it in the beginning and really struggled with it. I had expected it to be like the sword, which it was not. At all. The sword is an elegant, delicate weapon that takes finesse. The saber is–not that. The saber is a blunt instrument that is more about power than finesse. I was not prepared for that and rebelled with all my heart.

We reached the end of the fourth row and had to stop for two reasons. One, I got into a minor car accident and two, my teacher was unsure about her own form. Fast-forward two years, and I breezed through it. I got the concept that it’s different than the sword and truly embraced it. I didn’t compare it negatively to the sword; I accepted it on its own merits. Do I love it? No. But I can appreciate its good points and take it for what it is.

Tag Archives: anniversary

It’s almost my re-birthday

Tempus fugit…regardless