It’s almost nine months since that fateful night. When I first got out of the hospital, I gave myself six months not to think about my future…which dragged into nine months. I could say it’s because I’m rehabbing, but that would be a lie. I left the hospital, came home, and was good to go within a month. By two months, I was 90% ‘normal’. When my parents left a few weeks later, I was 99%. I had and still have a few very slight short-term memory issues, but nothing that a pen and a pad of paper can’t solve.
It’s time, though. To consider what I’m going to do with my bonus days, my rebirth, my new life. I had my actual birthday in April, but I consider September 3rd my rebirth day. I’ve learned 2 weapons forms since I came home from the hospital. Plus, tightened up my solo (long) form, which is my weak point.
I’m temporarily putting my weapons on hold so I can tweak and refine all the forms I already know. I do want to teach myself the last section of the Karambit Form, but I’m willing to wait on that. However, I’m thinking about the next weapon form I want to learn. Weapons are my life and they spark joy. I really want to learn the guan dao, but I’m not sure I’m up to it yet. It’s heavy and big, and you have to twirl it over your head. But, my god, it’s amazing.
I’m pretty proud that I taught myself the Fan Form in a few months. I need to clean it up, but it’s looking decent. I also want to teach myself the left side to all the forms I already know. I have done so for the Sword Form, which I can still do. I taught myself the left side of the Saber Form and can struggle through it. I taught myself half of the Double Saber Form, left side, but I’m not confident about that one at all.
What are the weapons forms I know? I’ll tell you and liken them to romantic relationships for funsies. Sword Form. First weapon form I learned, kicking and screaming. It’s funny to remember how resistant I was to learning a weapon, considering how much I love them now. The Sword Form is my married partner, the one I want to come home to every night. s
The Saber Form is the classic romcom weapon. I hated it in the beginning and really struggled with it. I had expected it to be like the sword, which it was not. At all. The sword is an elegant, delicate weapon that takes finesse. The saber is–not that. The saber is a blunt instrument that is more about power than finesse. I was not prepared for that and rebelled with all my heart.
We reached the end of the fourth row and had to stop for two reasons. One, I got into a minor car accident and two, my teacher was unsure about her own form. Fast-forward two years, and I breezed through it. I got the concept that it’s different than the sword and truly embraced it. I didn’t compare it negatively to the sword; I accepted it on its own merits. Do I love it? No. But I can appreciate its good points and take it for what it is.
The Cane Form is like one-night stands. It’s fun at the moment, but it’s not meant to be long-lasting. I enjoy it for what it is, yet, it’s missing something that makes it a substantial thing. I like it because it’s something I could actually use in my day-to-day, given that you can carry a cane around without getting the side-eye. So, it has a practical use that others do not.
Next up is the Dancing Wu-Li Sword Form. This is a Sword Form that has the 13 sword energies. It’s meant to be the base of your own Sword Form, but I like to practice it as it is. I taught it to myself. This is like the person you have great affection for and just want to cuddle and maybe smooch. Sex comes later (the personalized Dancing Sword Form). It’s sweet and comfy, and you just want to snuggle on the couch with it.
The Double Saber Form is a big one. I saw my teacher’s classmate demonstrate it at the last in-person demo (a year before the pandemic started), and I instantly fell in love with it. It was both strength-based and elegant, and intricate, to boot. I asked my teacher to teach it to me next, and then…something happened. I think the pandemic hit? Was that it? It might be. Also, I know she had doubts about her own Double Saber Form.
Halfway through, I started teaching myself by watching her teacher’s videos. I think it was pandemic-related, but it wasn’t that hard–much to my surprise.
Side Note: I either love or hate a weapon from the second it’s placed in my hand. Most of the time. I loved the sword, hated the saber, loved the double sabers, loved the fan, and loved the staff/spear (though I’ve only done drills). The cane is a weird one because I don’t love or hate it. It’s fine, but I feel more like I’m doing a dance on Broadway than it’s a weapon form.
The Double Saber Form is the second primary relationship. The one you don’t live with, but visit several times a week. It is an important part of your life, and you cannot live without it. It’s the one who puts a pep in your step and makes you want to be your best for its sake.
The Fan Form is elegant and a bit sexy. It’s dazzling as you flip the fan in the air and catch it with the other hand. It’s a proper person on the streets and a tiger between the sheets. It’s sizzling hot in places, but quietly understated in others.
I wanted to learn the Fan Form because it’s another that I could actually carry around with me, although it’s a big fan that might not fit in a bag or purse. I think you could probably do the Fan Form with a smaller fan, but I’m not sure how useful that would actually be.
I don’t hate any of the weapons forms any longer. I may not love them all, but I can appreciate each for what it is. If I could carry that attitude over into the Solo Forms, I would be satisfied.