Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: contrarian nature

You HAVE to like what I like!

I like what I like and don’t like what I don’t like. This is the same for most people, but I do not like anything that is popular. Or very few things. TV-wise, I hate Friends (though I did watch it for several years out of ennui, I think), Seinfeld (the people are awful), Game of Thrones (only saw The Red Wedding episode and was horrified. Read the first several pages of the first book, and the prose, it is so purple), Breaking Bad (only saw the penultimate episode and hated Walter White), and The Sopranos (saw a bit of an episode with the psychologist, and ughhhhhhhhhh).

I’m watching a video of one person who has never played Final Fantasy VII playing it for the first time with someone whose played it before and loved it guiding him (video included below). He’s made a few comments about feeling pressured about his choices and that he feels like he has to like the game, but he’s not really joking. It’s hard enough to stream a game beacuse there will always be backseat gamers in the chat.

I watched Ian play Dark Souls on stream and there was always someone who wanted to give him tips or spoil things. I once told him where a bonfire was, but he couldn’t find it and got really stressed. I think bonfires are acceptable to point out, but in general, I don’t want to spoil a game for someone.

I also remember watching someone stream Bloodborne when it came out and he had to flat-out say that he did not want backseat gaming or spoilers. There were people in his chat trying to argue with him about his rules for his own damn stream. As in why backsseat gaming and spoilers should be OK. Seriously.

If I ever stearmed a From game, I would be very firm about this. Then again, at this point, I would want spoilers from the games because I would be thrilled to find something different about the games that I hadn’t already known. I recently found out something about Dark Souls II….can’t remember what it was…anyway, I like to learn new things.

I don’t care that I like different things than most people, but it gets annoying real quick to have to say, “Yeah, no, I did not like X, Y, or Z.” I have talked more than once about how I got dumped once because I hated Pulp Fiction. Eevn though I told the guy I would not like it, he inisted on taking me to see it and that I would love it. Once it was done, he asked me what I thought. I naively told him what I thought and afterwards, he said that he could not be with someone who had that world view.

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Death, stubbornness, and my contrarian nature

I’ve had plenty of time to think about what happened to me and the biggest question (well, one of the biggest, anyway) I have is why did I come back? My glib answer is that I believe three things brought me back to life (besides my incredible medical team): taiji, love, and luck. Only one of those I can control. though K argues that the love I received is a direct result of who I am. I argued back that it was to a certain extent, but since most of the people sending love, prayers, and positive vibes didn’t actually know me, it was more the concept of me than me that was receiving the love. That isn’t to say it wasn’t real or wasn’t appreciated, but it wasn’t for me in particular. I will acknowledge that the people who knew me were specifically sending me love, positive vibes (and chi), and prayers, which is especially appreciated.

Both my mother and K told me after I woke up that they were telling me I was a fighter and I needed to fight. My mother said she shouted it at me over Zoom whereas I don’t remember if K said it out loud or just thought it to herself. They’re too kind. What they mean is that I’m stubborn as fuck and contrarian in nature. My taiji teacher would tell you that I question everything and will never be satisfied with a glib answer. I can argue until the break of dawn and will not stop until the other person concedes my point–and sometimes, not even then. This is both an asset and a curse, sometimes both at the same time.

Honest talk: I’ve been passively suicidal for most of my life. Since I became aware of death when I was seven. I’ve had a love/hate relationship with it. I didn’t care much for life, but I was terrified of death and the idea of me being nonexistent. At the same time, I could hear the siren song of  death and nearly answered more than once.

All that went out the window when I f collapsed to the ground in my front hallway. Obviously, I don’t remember any of this, but apparently, I fought the breathing tube while I was unconscious, which makes sense. When I woke up, I was mad as hell and ready to fight everyone. I had no idea who needed fighting, but I was sure it had to be done.


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