Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: follow through

Getting shit done

At Ask A Manager today, she has an interview with a ‘decision coach’. She invented the term and the job, even though there are other people who do similar things. It was an interesting read because I am he ruler of not making a decision. Ever. I hate making decisions. I dawdle endlessly until I simply cannot drag it out any longer.

It’s funny because someone in the comments said haughtily that why would you pay someone money to help you make decisions when a simple list of pros and cons would do? Yeah! Why would you pay someone money to help you with your emotional problems when you have friends you can talk to? Why would you someone to fix your leaky sink when a good wrench will do the trick?

I’m being very sarcastic, obviously, but you could say the same about so many jobs. Also, as people pointed out, you can make that list and still not be able to make a decision or follow through on your decision. I can relate to that so hard. I can do all the research and ruminate over the pros and cons until the cows come home. That doesn’t mean I’ll actually follow through on the decision I make.

The best and easiest decision I made (to not have kids) was a passive one. I didn’t have to DO anything other than defend myself to others, which wasn’t fun, but it didn’t mean changing my life significantly. Nell participated in the comments and said that most of her clients were people who didn’t typically have difficulty making decisions, but were tripped up over what was currently bothering them.

It’s funny because in the interview, she mentioned that if someone wanted to use a session to figure out whether to break up with someone or not, the answer was usually break up with them. DTMA, as the case may be. It makes sense. By the the time you’re paying someone money to discuss the decision, you’re 90% there to breaking up with them already.

I will say that she charges $197 an hour, which I think is reasonable, but it means she’s targeting a very specific audience. And she’s an American with that point of view as well. She does international calls, but most of her clients are in the States. In the comment section, there were several people concerned about her telling people what to do because it’s such a direct contrast to what a therapist does. She does not market herself as a therapist, but I can see the concern at having an ‘expert’ tell people what to do with their lives.


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Doing it my way

My brother is great at starting a project. If he wants to do something, he justĀ  jumps in and does it. He may not finish it. He may put it in the reject pile at some point. But he will move on with ease to the next project and not think twice about it.

Me, I agonize about starting any kind of project. I will put more time into planning it than actually doing it. If I start a project, there is a high probability that I will see it to completion. I will bitch about it. There will blood, sweat, and tears–but I’ll get it done. And it will be done well because of my perfectionist tendencies.

I much prefer my brother’s way of being. He stresses way less than I do and gets way more done. It might not be as high a standard as what I do, but most of the time, that doesn’t matter. We’re not talking about bad versus great. We’re talking about great versus really fucking great. The latter just isn’t needed most of the time.

This is where my anxiety rears its ugly head. It’s where the voices in my head whisper, “You’re not good enough.” “You can’t do that,” and other nefarious thoughts. It’s my mother’s voice as she has told me how wrong I am since I was a small child. I shouldn’t laugh so loudly, climb trees, run around, sit with my legs open, eat that dessert, read so many books, or talk. Add my father to that: I should not be better than a boy in anything, think I know anything of use, or contradict what a man tells me. I should get straight As because I’m so smart, but never show a boy how smart I am. Go to college and grad school and have a stellar career. get married and have children, putting them purportedly first. Go to church and put God first. Date, but do NOT have sex before marriage. Bisexual? That’s against God, and what next? Sex with animals? Taiji? You’re allowing the devil to dance on your spine. Writing stories that have any kind of swearing is bad! Don’t eat so much.

Be less was the constant message I got and still get. I want too much. I ask for too much. I AM too much.

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