I”ve talked several times in the past about how I tend to be good at things from the start. I can pick up things with eas, which is a blessing for the most part. I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass and say, “woe in me. I learn things quickly. That really sucks”. Because it doesn’t. It’s awesome to learn things quickly. I like being able to pick things up the first or second time. I am not complaining about that. At all.
However.
There is a downside to being a fast learner.
A bit of background first. My mother expected me to be the best at everything. There is the Tiger Mom stereotype of Asian mothers, but it wasn’t that, exactly. She wasn’t mean about it, and she didn’t put me down or tell me I was worthless. Yes, she made me feel that way, but it wasn’t intentional. I’m not excusing her, by the way. She still took a hammer to my self-esteem, but I can say that wasn’t her intent.
If I got a B, she made a comment as to how it wasn’t an A. Same when it was an A-. In fact, anything other than an A was equivalent to an F in her mind, so during my senior year, I gave up. I stopped trying because why should I bother? In addition, my brother had learning disabilities, so my mother was more focused on him. I was deeply depressed and just couldn’t see the point in trying.
The bottom line was that I learned a lot af terrible coping mechanisms that got me through my childhood, but did not serve me well later. I’ve worked on undoing them, but they run deep.
Side note to the side note: I’ve had to decide when to indulge my mother in her own dysfunctions and when to stand up to her. That’s part of unlearning the dysfuction. So has been realizing that it’s ok to not be immediately great at something. That’s been harder for me to embrace, though.
I’m used to being good at shit. That’s not a humblebrag–that’s just a straight-out brag. Plus, it’s true. As I said, it’s pretty great to be able to pick things up without breaking a sweat. But, there is a downside. That is that I hesitate to do things I’m bad at because I have to actually work at it.
The first time I tried to play badminton, I sucked at it. I tried to play it as if it were tennis, which was exactly the wrong way to attempt to play it. Tennis is about bashing and hitting hard. It’s about strategic placement and going for the angles. Badminton, on the other hand, is about lightly bopping the birdie and not using all your strength.
I hated it. It made me feel clumsy and foolish. I gave up fairly quickly and never tried it again. That was three decades ago and I have not played it again. I would like to try because it’s more in line with Taiji, and I think I would be better at it now. More to the point, I no longer assume I’m going to be good at something.