In the Discord I’m in, there have been two instances of guys (relevant) tripping over the invisible line of what is and isn’t (silently) acceptable in the Discord. I’ll call them John and Bob. I want to talk about it because it’s part of how people are instinctively supposed to know the line when it comes to jokes in any given group. And the penalty can be harsh when people get it wrong.
The first person had never posted before and went right to two channels and posted a long post about some fan fic he had written that was, ah, shall we say NSFW. I did not read them because of the explanation he had given before posting the link (was NOT touching that with a ten-foot pole). He posted it in two places, which were the right channels for it if it were simply something he had written. But, given what it was and his long-winded explanation (including other examples), it was very much not a good first impression.
When called on it, he defended himself by saying that it was similar to the grot the content creators exchanged with each other on the regular. I’ll let that sit there for a minute while I exlpain the other much more complicated situation.
The second guy, Bob, has been around for a while. He doesn’t post very often, but when he does, he manages to piss someone off almost every time. One time, it was me when it was right after the American election, and he was acting as if he were a political savant when the truth was that he didn’t even live in this country. I’m not saying people outside the country can’t comment on the election, but they certainly don’t know what it’s like for an American, especially for a triple minority like me. He himself is a racial minority, but in a different country. One that is pretty directly affected by its relactionship with America, but still, not an American. Plus, he was negating my lived experience as said triple minority American. Which, not cool at all.
I’m saying this because I want it to be clear that he’s said some pretty insensitive things during the time he’s been on the server. He tends to show up once a week or so and just say something inflammatory. He’s not doing it on purpose (in other words, not malicios), but he’s definitely ruffled many feathers. He’s autistic (he’s said it himself; I’m not diagnosing him), and he definitely cannot read a room.
Today, he crossed a line in a similar way to the guy above. He made a really gross ‘joke’ that really wasn’t a joke and offended several people. The joke (which I’m not going to repeat) falls in the category of ‘say that among friends you really know well’. When people told him he had crossed the line, he doubled down. He compared it to something one of the content creators we follow would say on the show, which is similar to what John said when he made his faux pas as well.