In the Discord I’m in, there have been two instances of guys (relevant) tripping over the invisible line of what is and isn’t (silently) acceptable in the Discord. I’ll call them John and Bob. I want to talk about it because it’s part of how people are instinctively supposed to know the line when it comes to jokes in any given group. And the penalty can be harsh when people get it wrong.
The first person had never posted before and went right to two channels and posted a long post about some fan fic he had written that was, ah, shall we say NSFW. I did not read them because of the explanation he had given before posting the link (was NOT touching that with a ten-foot pole). He posted it in two places, which were the right channels for it if it were simply something he had written. But, given what it was and his long-winded explanation (including other examples), it was very much not a good first impression.
When called on it, he defended himself by saying that it was similar to the grot the content creators exchanged with each other on the regular. I’ll let that sit there for a minute while I exlpain the other much more complicated situation.
The second guy, Bob, has been around for a while. He doesn’t post very often, but when he does, he manages to piss someone off almost every time. One time, it was me when it was right after the American election, and he was acting as if he were a political savant when the truth was that he didn’t even live in this country. I’m not saying people outside the country can’t comment on the election, but they certainly don’t know what it’s like for an American, especially for a triple minority like. He himself is a racial minority, but in a different country. One that is pretty directly affected by its relactionship with America, but still, not an American.
I’m saying this because I want it to be clear that he’s said some pretty insensitive things during the time he’s been on the server. He tends to show up once a week or so and just say something inflammatory. He’s not doing it on purpose (in other words, not malicios), but he’s definitely ruffled many feathers. He’s autistic (he’s said it himself; I’m not diagnosing him), and he definitely cannot read a room.
Today, he crossed a line in a similar way to the guy above. He made a really gross ‘joke’ that really wasn’t a joke and offended some people. The joke (which I’m not going to repeat) falls in the category of ‘say that among friends you really know well’. When people told him he had crossed the line, he doubled down. He compared it to something one of the content creators we follow would say on the show, which is similar to what John said when he made his faux pas as well.
Here’s the thing. Context matters. While I don’t like the similar jokes that the content creators make, either, they don’t make the jokes at real people. I don’t want to get more specific than that, because Ireally don’t like the whole category of jkoe, but it’s infinitely worse the way Bob did it.
I got there late after the whole dust up was over, but if I had gotten there during the fight, I would have pointed out a few thing. One, context matters as I said. Two, he brought it up out of nowhere and it had nothing to do with what was being said. In fact, his basis for the ‘joke’ was so slim, it was almost nonexistent. And, yes, I’m going to keep putting quotes around ‘joke’ because it wasn’t funny. It was puerile and juvenile, and I really would have rather not reading that today.
In addition, he used the very tired argument that the others were ‘puritanical’ because they dared tell him his ‘joke’ sucked (whwich it did). He bemoaned that there was no space for ‘edgy’ jokes, and if I’d been in the right mood, i would have blasted him to pieces. I am probably the filthiest person on the server. I have a sense of humor that would make a sailor blush.
However. Because I’m AFAB and was actually taught to think about EQ and my soft skills (beaten over the head about it, but the result is the same), and with some tweaking, I know how to approach the line without crossing it. And if I do cross it (which I have in the past, not in this Discord), I apologize and dial it way back. Also, I know to keep it in the one channel we have for filth. Anyone who goes into that channel knows what to expect. In fact, it was created beacuse people did not want that kind of talk in other channels. Which, fair. People get to decide their level of comfortable with that kind of content.
This guy is permanently online. I’m not saying that’s a problem in and of itself as I am, too. But he keeps thinking it’ll fly in this Discord, which it will not. Plus, I can’t get over how he tried to make himself the victim of the whole situation (which me most emphatically was not). No one was being mean to him either in the beginning. Forthright and frank, yes, but not mean. In fact, I would say they were rather gentle in how they handled him.
But, no. He could not deal with that. He just could not back down. It was fascinating to watch, but frustrating, too. I spend so much time calculating how I’m coming accross and taking such great pains to be acceptable in public, and he just doesn’t give a shit. That’s why I mentioned that he was a guy in the beginning. He’s almost a stereotype of a redpill guy, and I don’t feel at all easy around him.
I think he was reported to the content creators if I can read between a few very cryptic lines. He’s been given so many chances, and I won’t be sad if he’s kicked out. It wasn’t the ‘joke’ that pushed me over the edge; it was him doubling down in defense of it.
More tomorrow.