Underneath my yellow skin

Spending time in a brown study

I’m mostly over the sickness right now, but I overdid it in taiji yesterday, so I’m exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open last night, and I kept dozing off while writing and doing other things. I finally gave in and went to actual bed around two in the morning after falling asleep and waking up every half an hour or so for several hours. I’ve been doing the stretches my teacher taught me for my back and leg, and they seem like they are helping. However, my knees are aching, which means I’m overextending on my postures. This was a problem I’ve had for several years, and while I’m much better at not doing it, I still slip every now and again. I think being sick and adding these new stretches has made me concentrate less on my form, much to my knees’ detriment.

Anyway. I mused a while back about my life and what I need to do differently. Looking back on it, I’m doing a bit better with health. The thing I’ve realized that while I’m really good at quitting things cold turkey (in general. Potato chips are one exception), it takes me a long time to get to that point of actually making the move, and I can only cut out so much without feeling seriously deprived. It’s better to add something to my diet rather than constantly take away things. Right now, I’m concentrating on eating an apple a day (which, as we all know, keeps the doctor away). Before that, I added an orange a day (or two clementines/mandarins) for achy joints purposes. My theory is that if I add things to my diet, I’ll naturally want to eat less of other things. I’ll let you know how it works.

I mentioned caffeine in the previous post. Currently, I drink one cup of caffeinated tea every few days, so I’m mostly caffeine-free. It was so hard in the beginning, but now, I’m mostly used to it. I’m over the initial ‘can’t keep my eyes open’ stage, and I rarely miss the jolt. I occasionally have a pop when I go out to eat, and it now tastes weird. It’s not the same as gluten and dairy, both which still tastes delicious–god, I miss cheese so much. I still eat gluten-free pasta and bread, and I’m back in love with white rice, but there is no good substitute for cheese that I’ve found. Damn it.

My brother is urging me to get an Instant Pot, and I’ve been resistant to it mainly because it’s new and seems like it’d have a steep learning curve, though everything I’ve heard about it has said it’s easy. But, easy for people who cook already or easy for people who don’t cook? Plus, batch cooking is not something that appeals to me. Yes, I know I can freeze it and warm up each portion a day, but that’s a lot of work, yo. Also, read the description to this bad boy. It’s full of techno-babble and shit that doesn’t interest me. My brother laughed and said it’s geared towards guys, and I said, “Yeah. I’m not a guy.”

Side note: My brother likes to run his advertising ideas by me. I have a hard time giving him useful advice because what works on most people actively turns me off. Anything relentlessly cheerful and positive is boring to me, and anybody who hypes their product too much makes me suspicious. My brother was leaning towards using words that are old-timey and suggest solidness like ‘trusty’ or ‘trusted’. To me, if you’re those things, you don’t have to say it. I’m not just going to take you at your word, either. You have to prove you’re trustworthy–you can’t just say it.

I’m not saying I’m immune to advertising because of course I’m not. But, I tend to be more attracted to quirky commercials with snappy humor. Not snappish humor, but snappy humor. I like them short and to the point, which is part of my problem with the Instant Pot description. I don’t need it to do my laundry and scrub my floors, damn it. I just want it to make tasty stews and other concoctions! I don’t need it to whip up yogurt or cook my rice. I. Just. Need. It. To. Cook. It’s the same reason I won’t buy a printer–I can’t find one that just prints. I don’t want a copier or a fax machine rolled up into my printer. Plus, the cartridges are so damn expensive.

Anyway, I have a fear of new things. It’s one reason I didn’t start on the computer until it became really clear it was the way of the future. I didn’t have a cellphone for the longest time, and I only gave in to appease my brother’s worry of me driving in the winter. When I did begrudgingly get a cell, it was a flip phone. Now, I have a smartphone, but I only use it to surf the web and DM a bit. Other than that, it stays in its case on the couch next to me.

I’m still looking on Bumble and still have only for one woman who’s sparked more than a ‘damn, that person is cute’ response in me. Too many people who want/have children, love the great outdoors, and drink. I don’t want any of those things–and I have no budge to give on the first one. The other two have some wiggle room (don’t expect me to do outdoorsy things with you and don’t get sloshed around me). Plus, since I’m doing this for mainly a physical connection, anyone who doesn’t zing me gets swiped…left? I think it’s left. Yes. It’s left.

I’ve realized that while I *want* to meet someone(s) and have some awesome sex, I’m not sure I’m ready to actually do the steps necessary to make it happen. This is my life in a microcosm. I might know what I want, and I may even know what it takes to get there, but I don’t actually do it. I’m acutely aware that my life is slipping away from me at an alarming pace.

I’m tired even though I just woke up, so I’ll just leave this here for now. I’ll pick up the thread again at a later date.



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