Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: dark days

The anger is rising

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Here’s the big issue with this current president. It’s not him in and of himself (though that is terrible, indeed), but it’s what he represents; how many people are holding him up, either for personal reasons, ideology, or just the need to unthinkingly follow someone in authority.

His presidency also lays to rest the ‘gentleman’s agreement’ that all previous presidents have silently agreed to. What do I mean by that? I mean that there aren’t many specific laws in place to prevent the president from abusing his power (and, yes, I deliberatley chose ‘his’ because that’s what we’ve had so far). For past presidents, I do believe that most of them wanted what was best for America, even if I deeply disagree with their ideology. They did not do things soleley because they wanted to do them or for personal gain.

I should note that I’m talking mostly about the presidents I have experienced in my lifetime because I can’t know what prior presidents were really like.

Anyway.

I knew this president’s second term was going to be dangerous and terrible beacuse he had nothing to lose. Again, this was with the assumption that he would not wangle a third term someohow. Oh, and here’s yesterday’s post with more musing on this subject.

I want to focus on something else for a hot sec.

I’m so angry right now, I can’ barely stand it. The only way I can really tamp it down is by becoming numb. I feel incandescent with rage, and I want to make the world burn. I want all the assholes to get what’s coming to them rather than mumbling some inane platitudes about how we have to be better than that. Me doing the mumbling, I mean.

I don’t have it in me. To be polite or compassionate or kind, I mean. I just watched a video of a right-wing influencer (ugh, I hate that word) who came to Minnesota to agitate, cause a ruckus, and probably was hoping to stir people up. I had to laugh when I saw that he had a whopping TEN people supporting him. The local news spoke to one of them, and, yep. Young white dude, wouldn’t you know it, from Minnesota, but not the Twin Cities.

The influencer claimed he was stabbed, but there was no official report of that. I did see him in a car getting kicked, and I felt a quiet vicious satisfaction inside me. I will say I know that’s what he wanted to a certain extent, and I don’t believe in giving these assholes what they want. But the incandescently angry, “I’ve had enough” burning ball of hatred in my heart? That part of me was glad.


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Sideways to meeting my goals, part six

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I am so tired. So very tired. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. My sleep has gone to complete hell, and I don’t think it’s going to get better any time soon. It’s surreal living in a state that has been targeted by this president. I saw MS Now talking about how 50% of Americans think ICE are making things worse for the country whereas 30% think ICE is making America better. MS Now was talking about it as if it was a great thing. 50%! That’s like a twenty point swing (or something like that). Whereas I look at those numbers  and think, “What the fuck?!? Who the hell are those 30%?”

It’s a rhetorical question, though, because I know where that 30% comes from. By the way, it’s always 30%. The fucking assholes, I mean. It’s always around 30%. There’s a reason for it, but I don’t care. I can’t care any longer.

Here is my post from yesterday. And I’m going to maunder about it more.

In the Discord I’m in, when this president was declared the winner, there was a ‘this fucking guy’ who had to say his piece about how this is because the neglected white dude had been oppressed for so long. Oh, he didn’t put it that way, but that was his meaning. Not an American, by the way, I don’t think. He’s also into crypto coins and other shady bullshit.

And I want him to suffer. I want him to step on Lego every night of his life and never find a comfortable position in which to sleep. I want him to feel a fraction of the pain that my fellow Minnesotans are going through at this moment.

Here’s the thing.

My compassion is completely burned out. I am done with people talking about the high road and being the better person. Because that doesn’t make shit happen. Also, it has no benefit to the oppressed because it puts extra burden on them. Not only do you have to take the shit, you have to smile as it’s happening.

Governor Walz talked about being peaceful even through our anger. Not to give this administration what they want and the excuse to crack down even harder. I understand that, but I need them to understand that that is the same as someone being abused thinks–if I just do this, that, or the other thing, they won’t abuse me. If I just act as good as I possibly can, they won’t hit me any more. It’s my fault. I just gotta be perfect.

There is no way to avoid the abuse. Being peaceful won’t do it. Giving in won’t do it. Nothing will. I’m not saying to act up or choose violence, but I’m saying that focusing on being peaceful is a fool’s errand. Let that part go. Do what needs to be done without making preambles or excuses.


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Sideways to meeting my goals, part five

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These are dark days, my friends. Here in Minnesota, especially. I’ve lived here for all but a year of my life, and now, I am thinking of leaving. Well, to be fair, I had been thinking of it before–leaving the country, I mean. I’ve never been one to say, “This is not my country” because I’ve always been very clear that this is my country. Oh, sure, we kept it under the surface, but the hatred and bitterness was always lurking, bubbling, showing up in fits and spurts.

But. It was nothing like this. It has never been like this. This is unprecedent in my lifetime (not before it, mind, but during it). My brother called me today to let me know that ICE is going door-to-door and that I should have my passport on hand if I go outside. Two Target employees got roughed up and detained. They chased a DoorDash driver into the house of a customer (the customer screamed at the ICE in righteous anger that they had no right to go into her house. It was awesome and amazing. They eventually fled with their tails between theier legs). They are doing everything they can to terrorize my state.

Side note: I am increddibly proud of my state. Minnesota is well-known for its activism, and my fellow Minnesotans are not going to be cowed. They are out there protesting, blowing their whistles (as a way to disrupt ICE as well as notify people that ICE are in the vicinity), shielding their neighbors, and doing the Minnesotan thing.

We are going to bake you a goddamn tater tot hotdish if you want one or not. We’re going to wrap you in a comfy blanuket and give you a hot beverage to drink if you’re cold. We’re not going to say no to you, but you will know by vibes when we’re not into what you’re doing/saying/thinking. As I had to tell a non-native, if the answer to your question is not an emphatic yes, it’s a no. “I’ll have to ask my spouse” = no. “I’ll check my calendar” = no. “I’m busy” = no. “That sounds delightful! I ‘ll let you know” = no.

We’re slow to anger (as a general rule), but once we are pissed off, woe be the person who gets in our way. We may not show it in an obvious way, but you will feel our stubborn wrath. Meaning, it may not be loud and angry (though it can be), but it’ll be mulish and ongoing.

I’m so tired. My sleep has been terrible lately, even more than normal. It’s not a coincidence that it’s gotten worse since this president took office. And, it’s doubly not surprising that it’s been absolutely awful this week.

These are dark days. Really dark days. This president has made it clear that he considers liberals his enemy, and his goal is to stomp us into the ground. That’s his basic M.O. in general. Anyone who is not with him is against him–and therefore, needs to be demolished.


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