These are dark days, my friends. Here in Minnesota, especially. I’ve lived here for all but a year of my life, and now, I am thinking of leaving. Well, to be fair, I had been thinking of it before–leaving the country, I mean. I’ve never been one to say, “This is not my country” because I’ve always been very clear that this is my country. Oh, sure, we kept it under the surface, but the hatred and bitterness was always lurking, bubbling, showing up in fits and spurts.
But. It was nothing like this. It has never been like this. This is unprecedent in my lifetime (not before it, mind, but during it). My brother called me today to let me know that ICE is going door-to-door and that I should have my passport on hand if I go outside. Two Target employees got roughed up and detained. They chased a DoorDash driver into the house of a customer (the customer screamed at the ICE in righteous anger that they had no right to go into her house. It was awesome and amazing. They eventually fled with their tails between theier legs). They are doing everything they can to terrorize my state.
Side note: I am increddibly proud of my state. Minnesota is well-known for its activism, and my fellow Minnesotans are not going to be cowed. They are out there protesting, blowing their whistles (as a way to disrupt ICE as well as notify people that ICE are in the vicinity), shielding their neighbors, and doing the Minnesotan thing.
We are going to bake you a goddamn tater tot hotdish if you want one or not. We’re going to wrap you in a comfy blanuket and give you a hot beverage to drink if you’re cold. We’re not going to say no to you, but you will know by vibes when we’re not into what you’re doing/saying/thinking. As I had to tell a non-native, if the answer to your question is not an emphatic yes, it’s a no. “I’ll have to ask my spouse” = no. “I’ll check my calendar” = no. “I’m busy” = no. “That sounds delightful! I ‘ll let you know” = no.
We’re slow to anger (as a general rule), but once we are pissed off, woe be the person who gets in our way. We may not show it in an obvious way, but you will feel our stubborn wrath. Meaning, it may not be loud and angry (though it can be), but it’ll be mulish and ongoing.
I’m so tired. My sleep has been terrible lately, even more than normal. It’s not a coincidence that it’s gotten worse since this president took office. And, it’s doubly not surprising that it’s been absolutely awful this week.
These are dark days. Really dark days. This president has made it clear that he considers liberals his enemy, and his goal is to stomp us into the ground. That’s his basic M.O. in general. Anyone who is not with him is against him–and therefore, needs to be demolished.
Hell, if someone had something he wanted *cough cough oil*, then they automatically became enemies/obstacles in his way.
I think many of us knew that it was going to be bad. We lived through this first term, which was pretty bad in and of itself. But, and I noticed this pretty early on (and to be fair to me, I predicted it at the time), he didn’t do THAT much damage. (I’m being very, uh, not generous, but I’m setting a very low bar, let me say.) Why? Because the first time, he didn’t really expect to win, I don’t think, and I felt like he actually didn’t want to be president.
This time, I was afraid because he had a huge(r) chip on his shoulder, and he had nothing to lose. Plus, there were people behind him who had a plan. They only needed to get him on board, and that’s not a problem if you just flatter him. As a result, he’s been able to do so much more damage this time, and in such an astonishingly short amount of time. It’s oanly been a year. A year! And he’s done irreparable harm to the country.
Even if we do manage to survive his second term and he doesn’t somehow wangle a third, this country will be in shambles for a long time to come. I didn’t love Biden, but I knew that a large part of his job was to fix all the things that were broken by this president in his first term.
I will be honest with you. I’m feeling broken and defeated right now. I’m scared, upset, and fucking furious. I’m also tired. So tired.
I’m not going to mouth the platitudes that poeple usually say. “I can’t believe this is happening!” I can. I will say, though, that it’s hard to believe it’s happening here–not because I think Minnesota should be exempt (I knew we were on the short list), but more because it’s such a shock to see it happening in real time. Not that it’s outside my own door, but it’s within twenty minutes of me*.
I can’t go to the protests for more than one reason. I do give money when I can, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I mean, money is good, yes, but actions are needed, too. And I admire the people who are working tirelessly for the good of everyone.
I have felt hopeless in my life before. To be honest, for most of my life, I’ve had little hope (while still having secret hope). Life likes to laugh at me for saying I feel hopeless. “Oh you feel hopeless? How about now?!”
I have never felt the depths of despair for the world as I do now, though. It’s hard to hear the quiet part being shouted out loud–you are the other, and you are not welcome here. That’s all I hear when I see what is going on outside my window. That and, “Do I dare speak up? Or do I keep my mouth shut?” That’s the eternal question facing me as I see my state being set on fire, ironically, by the entity known as ICE.
*That’s my little joke–everything is within twenty minutes of me.