For most of my life, I’ve thought that my brain was broken. I’ve referred to it as such for quite some time. I would say it jokingly, but I actually meant it. I didn’t think like other people, and I always assumed it was my fault. It wasn’t until a friend of mine pointed out gently that maybe I was autistic that I really dug deep into it. Here’s my post from yesterday which is about how I’ve struggeld with my brain all my life.
Before that, I had thought a while ago that maybe I had ADHD. I knew that the most well-known symptoms were more male-coded than female-coded/non-gendered coded. I could see some of the symptoms fitting me, but not others. The big one, though, hyperactivity, most emphatically did not describe me. When I found out that it wasn’t an essential part of having ADHD, I did not know what to do with that. I mean, it’s in the name. I did not know then that you can have ADD rather than ADHD.
I knew I had the hyperfocus part down pat. When I am into something, you cannot tear me away from it. It might be weeks or months or in rare cases years, but I’m 100% into it. Some of them are just meaningless hobbies such as jigsaw puzzles or black cubic zirconia rings. I would say Taiji didn’t start as an obsession, but once I got into weapons, it became a long-term obsession. It’s an interesting exception to my all-or-nothing mentality, and I’ll get back to that in a bit.
FromSoft games are also one of my obsessions that consumes me, but also in a weird way. I’ll talk about this one right now. When I have a new FromSoft game that is the game in my life at the moment, it’s all-consuming. I can play it for hours every day until I finish it. That’s what happened with Elden Ring. I played it for hours every day until I finished my first playthrough (well over 200 hours). That continued as I went for the platinum (about another 125 hours). Once I was done with that, I still played it every day, but not with anything close to the same intensity.
I play a From game nearly every day–or at least I did up until about three or four months ago. I can tell you why. I found another obsession to fill my time, yes, but also, I feel FromSoft games moving away from me. I did not get along at all with the last two games (Elden Ring: Nightreign and Armored Core VI Fires of the Rubicon. I did not expect to like/be able to play either game, but I’m sad I was not wrong.
To add to that, the next game is going to be an exclusive for the Switch 2: The Duskbloods. That is deeply disappointing. People are talking about how it’s probably for a year and then will be widely released. First of all, that’s just copium. There is no indication that it’s going to be released on other platforms. That’s not to say it won’t be, but I am not sanguine that it will be.
Just to note: I have been right so far in that there is no sequel to Bloodborne. People are trying to say this will be the spiritual successor to that game. I’m not saying if it will be or not because I have no idea (it will not be), but it’s just funny to me how people are desperate to make it so.
I’ll buy it if it ever comes to Steam, of course. But…OK, I’m just going to say it. I don’t expect to get along with this game, either. Why? Because it’s PvPvE. Anything with PvP is a huge turn-off for me. I have heard the explanation that it’s minimal if you want it to be, but I don’t think that’s actually true. There are covenants of sort, and you have to fight against other covenants (as I understand it).
I love the atmosphere of the game, and the environments I’ve seen are gorgeous. But the second I heard that it’s PvPvE and that there was nonvoluntary PvP, I lost all interest.
I have knonw for about ten years that I would one day hit the ceiling with From games. I have simply not been able to play the last two games because I’m not capable. I get really frustrated when people say, “Oh, anyone can play them.” That’s simply not true. This actually fits with the theme today of my broken brain–kind of. In this case, it’s not my broken brain, but my broken body.
But it’s similarly hard for me to accept that there are things I simply cannot do. I mean,I can accept it logicrally, but the ‘you can do anything’ ethos is so strong in America. I am mostly immune to it, but there are times when it hits me in the face. We are beaten around the head so much to believe that if we fail at something, it’s our own fault. I would say that’s one of the main anthems of America–strong denial that there’s anything wrong with America itself.
Ahem.
Back to my point which is that while my obsession with From games has lasted ten years, it’s going to end soon. I felt it after the last DLC of Dark Souls III, but I tried to deny it. After I beat Sekiro, I knew for sure that my end would come soon. The last boss made it very clear to me that my skills would soon not be enough to play these games.
I was fortunate that the next game was Elden Ring. Why? Because FromSoft wanted it to be a mainstream/commercial hit. In order for that to happen, they had to make it so that anyone* could beat it. Therefore, there are many ways to play it, ranging from onebroing it to summon humans for every boss.
On my first playthrough, I limited myself to using just my spirit ashes except for certain instances (NPCs summoned for storyline reasons). I was faith-based, and, boy, were the miracles powerful in this game. I have played it so many times since then, and I still play it regularly. It’s my favorite game of all time (barely above Dark Souls III), and I will be playing it for the rest of my life.
However.
There’s a feeling in the back of my head that it may be the last FromSoft game I actually love. I’m not getting any younger, and their games are getting harder and harder. The last boss of the Shadow of the Erdtree pre-nerf was FromSoft buying their own hype. It was, quite frankly, terrible. Not just being overly juiced up with ridiculous hyperpoise and seven-move combos, but because there were lights going off all the time with every move. I literally could not see the boss because of the lig hts surrounding it as we fought.
They nerfed the boss and toned down the light show, but it was still distracting and blinding for me. I have sensitivity to stimuli, and I did not need the lights on top of how difficult the boss is.
Well, that went in a vastly different direction than I intended. As usual. Oh well.
*Within reason. I may get more into that later.