Let’s talk more about how my brain is weird. I’ll give a very recent example. Tonight (last night? About five hours ago), my carbon monoxide detector/smoke alarm went off. I thought it was four quick, sharp (and loud) beeps in rapid succession while the lights flashed green. I looked it up, and four beeps meant CO. Before I go any further, here’s my post from yesterday.
I’ve had one go off before, and it was because it had reached the end of its life. I read a lot of conflicting information about the beeps, but I finally decided that calling 911 and just explaining the situation as I did the last time was probabl yfor the best. Three policemen came, and I explained what happened. We tested the detector/alarm (I had put the two batteries in wrong, so we put them in the riht way and tested it.) It was actually beeping five times. We counted several times. That meant it was at the end of its life, but why is it so close to the actual alert for CO, I don’t know.
They checked the gas levels all over my house, and there was nothing. The lead cop told me to buy a new one (I only had one) and to monitor how I was feeling. I knew the basics–flu-like symptoms, dizziness, etc. The lead cop told me that I really don’t want to turn chherry red.
I’m not overly concerned, but there is a nagging thought in the back of my mind that maybe there is gas somewhere. And I should have tried harder to get the detectors (I’m getting them tomorrow morning). I don’t think that’s so unusual, but I don’t know.
That’s the worst part of having a weirdo brain. Not knowing what is normal and what isn’t. I don’t think this is that unusual (to be worried even though there’s no real reason to). The higher the stakes, the more the worry explodes. And even though the chance of dying from CO poisoning is minimal, it’s impossible to detect except for with a detector.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting or underreacting. Or maybe just reacting? It’s so hard for me to gauge. Also, I’m tired AF because I only got three-ish hours of sleep last night. So knowing whether I’m fatigued or not is not that possible. I was joking with the lead cop that who wasn’t fatigued these days? He had a girlfriend and a child, so he knew all about tired.
He sent his cohorts back to the cop shop to get the CO monitor, and we chatted while they were gone. I learned about his prior jobs and how he ended up in New Brighton on the night shift. It was a nice little chat, and I proved I can be normal when I need to be. Granted, I had a vested interest in keeping the cops on my good side, but still. I was able to talk like a normal person, and that felt good.
I hopped on Amazon and quickly ordered the detectors/alarms I needed. They will come soon, and then–I’m tempted not to install them. I know that’s not a smalt thing, but I hate them randomly going off when the battery dies or in this case, when the detector itself dies.
Side note: The three guys I watch who do video games content had a fire alarm go off while they were fighting a boss. I believe it was the hardest boss of the base game of Elden Ring. It had happened once before as well, and while two of them acted as you should during a fire alarm, the third continued doing what he wwas doing–which was rave dancing. That was the first time. During the second time, the one playing the game just continued to play the game. He did not seem fazed in the least. Then again, there was a random noise that kept happening that was coming from…his wallet?! He said it would beep for a bit and then wouldn’t for a week or so.
My point is that he then shared the story (again, at least the other two had heard it before) that his fire alarm at home went off and would not stop, so he just took out the batteries. He did not replace them. He just let it not be usable.
One of the other guys laughed ruefully and said, “That shows the difference between you and me.”
Hard same.
But I did envy the player guy for being so carefree. Maybe not the smartest decision, but he certainly was living his best life. And, to be fair, the alarms and detectors aren’t necessary–until they are. The chance of dying of CO poisoning is very low (I’ve looked it up, of course), but it’s still there.
Here’s the weird thing. I am not a superstitious person in general, but I do have one superstition that I can’t shake since my medical crisis. It’s that I’ve used up all my luck and that anything that happens to me by chance will be bad. This hasn’t been true, and I know it’s superstition. However, I can’t stop feeling that way, which doesn’t help in situations like this.
Again, this is a time when I admire my brother. He gets shit down without worrying about it. I mean, that’s not completely true. When I was in the hospital, he definitely worried about me–which was understandable. But he got shit done. He always gets shit down. Come to think of it, so do I. I’m actually better in a crisis than in day-to-day life. I did what I had to do, and I’m continuing to monitor the situation.
This is the upside to having a broken brain like mine–I am actually really good when things are rough and/or tough. I don’t overreact in the moment, even if I freak out later. Sometimes I do (freak out later) and sometimes I don’t. I have no idea which way my brain is going to go, either. It’s frustrating because if I could predict it, at least I would be ready.
Story of my life, though. I over-prepare when I don’t need to and don’t feel I’m ready when I don’t prepare. I don’t know where that sweet spot is, and you would think I’d know by now. I will write more about this tomorrow–providing that everything is ok and I have made the right decision not to stay out of the house overnight.