One thing that is guaranteed to make me flinch is someone saying that we are all the same inside/underneath our skin.It’s the same as when I was a kid, the mentality around diversity was that America was a melting pot. That was supposed to mean that we took something from everyone’s culture and mixed it together in a perfect blend. That was the idea, anyway.
What really happneed was that immigrants were forced heavily compelled to give up what made them special and become something amorphously known as ‘American’. My parents were immigrants. They are Taiwanese. Asian cultures are known for assimilating to the culture around them and not sticking out at all. At least, it was like that back when my parents immigrated to America to go to grad school.
That meant that on the outside at least, when we were in public, we had to out-American American people. It was complicated in my family, though. My parents stuck to the Taiwanese church to meet their social needs, which meant that within the church and when we did church/Tawinese community-related activities, but outside of that, they tried to be as American as apple pie.
That only exacerbated my sense of alienation, quite frankly. I was being bullied for being a fat Asian girl in the seventies and eighties, and it only added to how much I hated myself from the emotional dysfunction at home. I have mentioned that by age seven, I was severely depressed and did not want to be alive.
Saying we’re all the same under it all is–let me put it this way. People used to think that, “I’m colorblind” was the best thing to be when it came to race. Because we’re all a part of the human race! Ugh. You know what that said to me even if I could not articulate it at the time? “I’m so uncomfortable with the topic of race, I’m going to pretend it doesn’t exist.” It’s the same with people using man as the default. “Man means anyone.” No, it literally does not.
Look. I know words change and evolve, but they still mean something.
I strongly object to “we’re all the same underneath our skin/inside” not because it’s not true but because it’s a cop-out, just as “I don’t see color” was. In an ideal world, yes, people would not be judged negatively based solely on their race, but we don’t live in that world. We’re not even close to living in that world. In fact, we’re going backwards at an alarming rate when it comes to celebrating diversity.
So, pardon me if I laugh sardonically at the idea that all we need to do is state that we’re the same under our skin, and everything will be groovy! It’s toxic positivity, gaslighting, and quite frankly, offensive to hear that.
Look. Despite my grumblings, I actually don’t hate humanity. I’m severely disappointed in most of it these days, but that’s because I expect better. That’s on me, I know. To me, it’s pretty easy to treat others as they want to be treated, so I don’t understand why it’s so hard for other people. I don’t get why something that doesn’t affect you (general you) and doesn’t harm anyone is a reason to have a snit fit.
But I reject soundly that we are the same inside inside. Basic structure–maybe, barring anomalies and life happening. Most people have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two lungs, one heart, etc. But that kind of reduction is useless, really, because you could say that about so many things that don’t really go together.
If we lived in a world where people terated each other decently regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual identity, etc., then, yes, “we are the same under it all” would not make me grind my teeth. I probably would still internally roll my eyes because it’s such a meaningless statement, but it wouldn’t piss me off the way it does now.
It’s always the people who are in the majority who say things like, “We’re the same under it all.” It’s similar to the argument over hills to die on. If something like not wearing a bra at work should not be a hill to die on, then so should wearing a bra. The fact that most women were so outraged at the mere idea of a woman not wearing a bra meant that it wasn’t as much a non-issue as they wanted to claim it was.
In the same way, poeple who say that we are all the same underneath or urge people to be themselves mean it only to a certain extent. Everyone has a limit as to what they think is acceptable beliefs/ideas/behaviors. I’m not talking about objectively anti-social behavior like murdering someone or fleecing them of all their lifelong savings. I’m talking about skipping instead of walking, speaking in rhyme for fun, or, you know, learning weapon forms. Things that are odd, maybe, but don’t hurt anyone*.
It’s interesting to hear normies (even those who don’t think they’re normies, but really are) talk about things as if of course the way they look at is the correct way. I mean, they’re not saying it’s normal or even implying it because it does not occur to them that it could be anything but.
I keep going back to the Discord debate I was in about neurodivergence. Several normies (male, white, cis. It’s important to note this because it puts them firmly in normie territory) and a few people with neurodivergences (the “good” ones. There are always people with the ‘cool chick’ syndrome–desperate to prove to normies that they’re not going to cause trouble) were arguing that people were too quick to self-diagnose. Typical “in my days” blahdiblah bullshit. Some even had the audacity to say, “Yes, it’s good that neurodivergences are getting more recognition these days, but–”
As is always the case with discussions like this, I had to weigh whether I wanted to jump in or not. If it had only been a few comments, I probably would have let it go. It went on at some length, though, and I felt I had to say something. This was in the channel I frequented most often, and it’s the one where we just shoot the shit about everything from love to mental health to sex to everything else.
I was restrained and polite, though there was definitely an edge to my words. It’s hard to get diagnosed in America, and it’s even harder to realize it’s even an option (neurodivergence) when you’re not a white boy. I didn’t even know it was a possibility until a few years ago, that’s how ingrained the imagine of a young white boy, rocking back and forth and not looking anyone in the eyes.
*I’m not even talking about the serious things like gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. I might get into that in the next post, but I’m keeping it fairly light here.