Let’s talk more about traditions and why they should be cast aside. Or at the very least, they should be examined thoroughly. In the last post, I talked about how I was an anarchist at heart, but also a pagmatist. I know that I’m not going to change the world, I know I’m barely a blip. I’m five years into my rebirth (well, starting my sixth), and I really don’t have anything to show for it.
That’s not fair to me, actually. I have taught myself a few weapon forms and started a whole new martial art. Bagua. I think I started learning it last year? Maybe at the end…hold on. Damn. I started learning it at the beginning of 2024. That’s further back than I thought. Has it really been that long?!
At any rate, one of my goals for this year was to teach myself a new weapons form, and I’ve done that. It’s the Bagua Knives Form; it took longer than I thought it would. Or rather, I made it take longer than it should have. That’s on me. I dragged my feet on teaching it to myself in part because I was rejiggering my practice in general.
I’ll be honest. I was feeling burned out. I was learning more and more forms–which is a good thing, mind, but a bit overwhelming. I know over ten, I think? Taiji Solo Long Form (right side and most of the left side); Sword Form (right and left side); Saber Form (right and left side); Cane Form (right and left side); Double Saber Form; Fan Form; Double Fan Form; Cane Form (right and left side); Cane Form with saber (right and left side); and now, Bagua Knives Form. Oh, wait. Plus the 13 Dancing WuLi Sword Form. That’s eleven forms.
Ten forms total. Some left and right side both, but some only on the right side. I was trying to do all of them every week, and it was so tiring. I was spending up to two hours a day on my practice, and I was starting to feel depleted by it. I took a week or two just to do what I wanted rather than stick to my strict schedule. Then another week.Then another. I realized that I was burnt out, and I had to do something different.
I was doing the stretches/warmups every day. I was doing the Taiji Long Form every day as well as the Swimming Dragon Form (the hands only form for Bagua) as well. Then, I did one or two weapon forms if I felt like it. It felt really good to do it that way, and I wanted to retain that spirit when I went back to my schedule. I did not want to go back to the strict regime I had done previously, but I was worried about letting things slide too much. I wanted to make sure that I did every form at least once a month, so my friend, A, suggested that I have a mixture of planned and not planned.
It seems so obvious, but I had not thought of it. My compromise was to do the warmups every day (that took about half an hour) plus the two hands-only forms, too. Then, I would do as many weapon forms as I felt like, which usually ended up as two to three. That’s similar to what I was doing before, but it felt much more freeing to make the decision every day.
It’s so much more refreshing now. I don’t feel like I HAVE to do anything, which, ironically makes me feel like I want to do more. It was a great suggestion, to be honest, because I’m split on needing a schedule. On the one hand, I love schedules, plans, and doing the same thing at roughly the same time every day. On the other hand, I get bored. Then, I want to do something completely different. In this case, the compromise eased my mind and allowed me to have fun.
I’m glad I figured it out because I so did not want to give up anything. This way, I feel like I don’t have to ‘give 110%1 every time or even 100%. I’d say I give roughly 75% on most days, and sometimes, it goes down to 60%*.
This is something Taiji has taught me. You don’thave to give 110% (resisting urge to go on rant about how impossible that is and how it’s indicative of a toxic American mentality) to get good results. In fact, there have been studies that suggest 70% is optimal for long-term results. This makes sense a la slow and steady wins the race.
I don’t know what I’m going to do after I firm up the Bagua Knives Form. Probably another Bagua Form, but I’m not sure. There are some really cool Bagua spear/staff forms (including one double-headed spear form that caught my eye), and I don’t have a staff/spear form under my belt. I do know some Taiji spear/staff drills, though. I haven’t practiced them in a few weeks, so I need to get back to them.
My interest in Taiji and Bagua certainly put me on the outside of societal norms as well. I don’t talk about them much because no one really gets it–not even my Taiji classmates. Well, one of them does, but the rest don’t have any interest in weapons.
Which is fine. Everyone is different. In fact, my teacher does not care for weapons herself, but she was able to conceal it for quite some time. I’m trying to think when I realized that she did not care for the weapons. Probably during the pandemic. It’s hard to teach weapons over Zoom, even more so than Taiji in general.
She was teaching me the Double Saber Form because I saw it at the previous demo (the one right before we went into soft lockdown), and I fell in love with it immediately. I wanted to be a human blender, which is what the Double Saber Form is, essentially.
We reached about halfway through it, and she kept putting off teaching me more. She had done that before with the Saber Form, but I didn’t realize it meant she wasn’t sure of her own form. How did I figure it out? I’m not sure. I think it’s just that I got impatient to keep going, so I asked if she minded if I taught the rest to myself from her teacher’s video.
One thing I really appreciate is that she’s very laid-back about me teaching myself forms.
More tomorrow.
*To be fair to me, I might be underreporting this. I tend to hold myself to a standard. I don’t know if it’s high or not, but I do know that my teacher is pleased with my progress.**
**My impulse is to say that she’s being kind because that’s the kind of person she is, but that’s not fair to her. And to me, really. I have worked hard. Maybe not all-out hard, but consistently hard. I show up every day and turn out. I made myself laugh by saying that because it’s so trite. It’s true, though. I practice every day unless I’m sick or really too tired. Or when I died and came back to life (twice!).