I’m going to write more about the NPC questlines in Elden Ring because I can. Here is part two. One thing I have to say is that I’m rewatching Retry Elden Ring and am on Ep. 19 (out of 30. That’s how long series one is). The lads do an accompanying show called Roundtable Hold in which they shoot the shit about the last two episodes. It’s a half hour to an hour, and a lot of it is dissecting what has happened, but there is plenty of Gav and Rory speculating about what will happen as well. I mentioned in the last post about how they hit the nail on the head often, and one case is Jarburg. Or as Rory keeps calling it, “JARBUG.” Never change, Rory.
Background info: I Jars are characters in this game. Or rather, pots. Jars, too, but that’s something different. Anyway, there’s a pot, Iron Fist Alexander, who is a notable NPC. Rory and Gav immediately fell for him (as most players do), and Rory was so worried that he would have to fight “Alex” as they call him in the Festival of Champions. He thought it was like running the gauntlet before getting to Radahn.
It’s not. It’s all the champions fighting Radahn at the same time. Except Patches, because he peaces out and returns to his world. Which is fucking hilarious. And so on brand for him. Well, kinda. What I mean is that he will continuously fuck you over. It’s one constant in all the games*
I love his questline in Elden Ring so much. At least until the very end where they bring him back to life. I mean, I know you have to because he can’t permanently die, but it robs his death of some poignancy. But still. You find out more about Patches than you’ve ever known before. In this game, he loves and shows his tender side. Which makes him more endearing to me. But I’ve always been #TeamLetPatchesLiveHisBestLife, and I will defend him to the death.
I do wonder why he doesn’t like clerics, and I hope that gets explored more in the future. Honestly. i would play a whole game on Patches’ origins. In one episode after being fooled by Patches (can’t remember which series), Rory shouts out in exasperation, “What happened to you Patches that made you this way?!” which is what I want to know, but sincerely.
It’s hilarious to watch Rory get pissed off at Patches and how quickly he realizes it’s Patches who screwed him over. It’s so ingrained in him that when he gets locked into a room in Stormveil Castle, he automatically assumes it’s Patches (it’s not).
When he first met Patches in Elden Ring, Patches is a boss in a cave. Rory was intent on killing him, which, of course, you can do. FromSoft will let you kill almost anyone in their games. Except in areas that are combat-free like the Roundtable Hold. I think thats’ the only place that is like that, actually. I can’t think of another off the top of my head.
Anyway, the lads have gotten the tidbit from the Turtle Pope that a sculptor in Leyndell who was commissioned to do a sculpture of Radagon was shocked by a secret as he was donig the statue. Rory and Gav jumped on this, rightfully so, because it’s so juicy. And Miriel putting it out there like that…what a tease!
So, of course, Rory and Gav leapt to the idea that Radagon had a tiny dick because that’s what they do. Or rather, that’s guys in general. Always thinking about the cock.
And, of course, they wanted to look at every statue of Radagon they come across. There is one in the arena where they fight Rennala, and Rory was so eager to examine it. It got to the point where Krupa pointed out that Miriel had said that the sculptor was in Leyndell, so the statue was probably there, too. He said explicitly that he did not want them to be saying this every time they found a statue of Radagon.
Additionally, in one of the Rounndtable Holds, Rory and Gav speculated as to what they thought the secret was. Krupa had to hide his face so he wouldn’t give anything away.
By the way. He’s been amazing at not spoiling anything for Rory and Gav. He’s very thoughtful about that, and it’s pretty incredible how he’s laying things out. He’ll hesitate before saying something if he’s not sure it’s been mentioned yet in the series. He’s played the whole game, of course, and has been delving into the lore in order to present it to Rory and Gav. And to us. There’s another accompanying show called Lore MasterClass for us patreons. It’s once a month and very in-depth. I have learned things–well, let’s put it this way. I knew everything he talked about, but I had not necessarily made the connections he had. In my mind, there were disparate facts that just sort of…sat there.
He wove them together seamlessly and made it understandable without dumbing it down. Rory and Gav have said countless times that they were so grateful to have Krupa guiding them. Gav has said plainly that he loves the games, but could never play them himself. Rory said that he would not play them on his own.
Back to Radagon. Who is an NPC, sort of, but he’s one of the main characters. Well, he’s not an NPC, but he’s certainly talked about a great deal. The second Elden Lord, married first to Rennala and then Queen Marika. And he’s hot as hell. He is currently my desktop background.
It was interesting to watch the speculations from Gav and Rory about what the big secret is. In this case, they are so far off, it’s funny. I don’t blame them because the secret really is not something you would ever see coming. It’s just wild, honestly, and I’m looking forward to the lads finding out in another year’s time. It will blow their mind.
As for Jarburg, Rory nailed it. As he was talking to Alexander’s nibbling, Rory said, “This pot is going to break my heart.” After he found out about the poachers, he said he was afraid they would let the secret out and lead the poachers to Jarburg–which wasn’t the case. But, he’s right that this story is absolutely going to break his heart. As will most of the stories in Elden Ring because that’s jsut the way FromSoft rolls.
*Yes, I know he’s not in two, but Pate is clearly the replacement. Also, Anayama the Peddler in Sekiro is clearly Patches. I shall not be moved from this. He first appeared in an Armored Core game, and he’s in Demon’s Souls, Dark Souls, Dark Souls III, and now, Elden Ring.