In looking back on this year, I have been thinking about the games I’ve played. Yesterday, I wrote a post about how I’m aware of what a weirdo I am, but not how far outside of the norm I am. I can usually understand why normies feel the way they do, but sometimes, it’s just beyond me.
Also, I feel unreasonably hurt when I get something wrong. I mean, I can tell 95% of the time what I should and should not say because I’m constantly watching like a hawk for what I should be saying and doing. The times I slip up are when I say something I think should be acceptable, but isn’t. Or rather, times when I hdon’t even think about what I’m saying because it seems so innocuous to me.
It’s one reason I don’t like being around people for an extended period of time. I am so aware of how weird I am and how I come across if I’m not careful.
Side note: Here are the reasons I’m like this. One, neuroatypical. I did not fully realize this until a few years ago. Before that, I just thought my brain was broken. Now, I know it’s ‘different’ and ‘unique’. To be honest, I still think it’s broken, but am more accepting of it than I was before. Plus, I have always seen the benefits to thinking the way I do as well as the flaws. Granted, I wasn’t as convinced the pluses outweighed the negatives in the past, but at least I was aware there were positives.
The other reason is that I was made my mother’s emotional support person at a young age. I was not allowed to show any negative emotions of my own because only she and my father could have those. My father’s main emotions were contempt, disdain, and anger. My mother’s was depression, guilt, and manipulation. Yes, I know those aren’t technically emotions, but I said what I said.
If I ever showed any negative emotion, I would be beaten down (metaphorically) for it. My father would shout at me whereas my mother would pull a face and either be belligerent or injured depending on how she was feeling. I spent most of my life feeling as if I had to continually tamp down my own emotions because there was no space for them to exist. I still do, quite frankly.
How does this relate to games? Well, I rarely like the games that other people do. I am not going to belabor my bewilderment that Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (Sandfall Interactive) was such a huge hit because I’ve written several posts about it. I just need to mention it in this context because I truly don’t see what everyone else sees in this game. Especially when it comes to the story.
This is how I feel about most popular media, though. I rarely feel the same way about really popular movies, books, or TV shows that most people do. There’s no reason why it should be any different for games. Even the popular ones that I like such as FromSoft*, I like for different reasons. I’m not in it for the difficult bosses; I see those as the price I have to pay to see the incredible Miyazaki worlds. For now. I have a feeling I won’t be able to play them for much longer.
This is the background for my musings about how I just do not get along with most popular games. Or I think they’re fine, but nothing special. Another contentious opinion is the one I have for Ghost of Tsushima (Sucker Punch Productions). I think it’s a solid open world game that had a decent story–until the end of Act 2 where it completely fell apart and shattered any trust I had that it would come to a satisfying conclusion.
I’m not going to get into it because I have also written extensively about it, but I am in the minority on this as well. I viewed it as a ‘move my face so you can punch it’ event, whereas I have seen many people gush about how evocative it was. They say evocative; I say manipulative–let’s call the whole thing off.
Honestly, I mostly go to small indie games if I want real emotions–or rather, emotions to which I can relate. Whether it’s a quiet little story or a sweeping narrative, indie games do it better. What most people feel for movies is how I can feel for specific indie games. Not many because I’m not affected by pop media much in general, but they are there.
Weirdly, in contrast, when it comes to music, I’m mostly about the cheesy pop music. I have been told I have no or bad taste in music, and people are flummoxed when I cheerfully agree. I do have terrible musical taste, and I’m fine with it.
I’ll be giving out my weird game awards this week and/or next. I like to shout out games that other people might not know about just because. I feel like I’ve played more non-From games this year, but I don’t know if that’s objectively true.
The things I look for in a game: good-looking/easy on the eyes. I can’t take strobed lights, neon colors, or, I’ll be real, crunchy pixel art. I can put up with the last, but it is so not my jam. I like hand-painted artistry and more realistic art. I did like the soundtrack for Clair Obscur until I realized how every song sounded alike. I could not tell one from another, and while it’s not a bad thing for a soundtrack to have cohesion, I just couldn’t get past the fact that I could not tell one song from another.
Music is not that big a deal to me. As long as the sound is not distorted or jarring on my earrs, I am fine with it.
If there’s a story, I want it to be intimate, personal, and heartbreaking. But in an authentic way. Hm. I am done for tonight. More tomorrow..
*Now. They are popular now. They were niche when I first started playing them.