I have been talking about FromSoft games and whether they are for me or not. In yesterday’s post, I rambled about how I feel I’m reaching the top of my ability to play the games. I will not play a Sekiro sequel (though I highly doubt there will be one), and I’m worried about Elden Ring‘s DLC. I was saying to a friend from the RKG Discord that I feel demoralized by the guys in the Discord because they are so much better at the games than I am. She pointed out that from the outside, it seems that I have a similar ease playing the games. Her suggestion was that it was imposter’s syndrome. Which….maybe?
I like to think I have a good assessment of my abilities. I know what I’m good at (writing), what I’m decent at (Taiji and now Bagua, especially learning the forms), and what I’m shit at (doing chores and being an adult). Am I hard on myself? Probably a bit, but I don’t see any reason to sugarcoat things.If I’m not good at something, why pretend I am? The same is true of driving. I am a terrible driver. I was before my medical crisis, and I’m even more so now. It’s funny beaucse anywhere between 60-80% of people think they’re better-than-average drivers. Obviously, this is impossible, but it’s a fairly consistent statistic across most things.
Many people know about the Dunning-Kruger Effect in which people who are bad at things don’t know how bad they are.
Side note: the secondary phenomenon that Dunning and Kruger found was that people who are really good at something vastly underestimate how much better they are than their peers.
Both of them stem from the same base, by the way. The fact that we all live our own lives and can’t truly know what someone else thinks/feels/experiences. For those of us who are on the outside, empathy can be easier because we have to face the fact that we are different on the daily. That’s not always the case, but it’s not as much of a surprise when something we like or are good at is not embraced by the gen pop.
If you are raised as a cis het white man, then you are considered to be the norm. Everything is geared for you, ranging from games to music to movies. It’s amusing in a bleak way (if not also infuriating) how guys whine about representation in pop culture and ‘woke’ ‘PC’ culture gone mad. I don’t have the stats, but I would bet that at least three-quarters of pop culture has a white male protagonist–especially games.
When you start adding all the deviations of norm, well, there’s a reason I started writing fiction thirty years ago. I could not find anything that represented me. I read mysteries, and I could count on one hand how many female Asian protags there were (in a series). Three. That’s how many. And one of them was so cringe-inducing, I could not read it (the protag’s mother was such the stereotype of a Tiger Mom). Funnily enough, one of them was written by an Indian (from India) woman whose stepmother is now my Taiji classmate. What a small world.
I was also a baby bi at this point. Before the pandemic, I reread the first mystery I ever wrote, and boy, was it rough. But there was something there and I kept the essence with each successive book. The problem was that I wanted the protag to basically just be me, and I didn’t know how interesting that would be.
I will write that mystery, though. I’m having a hard time writing fiction since my medical crisis. I can’t seem to focus enough to do it. I used to be able to write steadily for hours and vomit out 2,000 words a day.
I don’t know if my stroke has anything to do with it. I used to have stories in my head all the time, and now, I don’t. I can still think up fragments and would love to write a novel again. I have written several. But I’m not sure I have it in me any longer.
Anyway. Back to Dunning-Kruger. I have keenly been aware that I have the tendency to do the latter because things that come easily for me are almost effortless. Not in the practice, but in the actual doing. So, it’s difficult for me to know if when I struggle with something, it’s the normal amount of struggle.
I am not great at the From games. Let’s start there. I will never be the no-hit person. Could I do a no-death run? I highly doubt it. What about a one-bro run? I made it to Anor Londo in the original game and to the Deacons of the Deep in the third game before giving up. Could I finish either? Maybe. Do I want to? Nope!
Am I terrible at the games? No. I was when I had my first playthrough of the first game. After more than a decade of playing them, though, I can confidently say that I’m not terrible any longer. So, I can lop off the top and the bottom of the pack. I can say I’m better than the gen pop at the games. I can also say I’m worse than Rory at them. Which is maddening, by the way. He plays them solely for RKG and would not touch them other wise. That means he plays a FromSoft game once every few years (and on livestreams with the others whenever) and then doesn’t touch it again.
The lads have been very open about how they owe everything to the FromSoft (and specifically the first Dark Souls). They have played that game several times, both in parts and in whole. Rory has played the original (all of the playthrough or handing off with Gav and Krupa upon each death or just whenever) three times. Plus bits and bobs of it several times.
He has not played any of the other games twice. It has been a year-and-a-half etween Demon’s Souls and Elden Ring (which will take three or four years to do), and he’s so much better at the game than I am. Even with his chaotic tendencies and smorgasbuild.
I am definitely better than the gen pop in general (hah). But when it comes to the FromSoft community, I would put myself in the bottom half. Of course, it’s not as if people who are bad at the games (but enjoy them) are the ones doing content creation or going on and on in forums about how great they are.
I’ll have to think about what my friend said because I’m so used to thinking of myself as bad at these games. Ian has often told me as well that I am good at the games and that they are, indeed, made for me.