I have mentioned that I have three goals for 2026. They are 1. Teach myself the Bagua Knives Form; 2. write my novemoir; and, 3. Find an Asian queer/genderqueer group, probably online, to join. In addition to those three major goals, however, I have other smaller goals. And to break it down even more, I have things that I want to do that are percolating in the back of my mind.
Just a quick update on the big three. I have not started on the third one, and I probably need to brreak that down even further in order to get it done. One, I’m progressing nicely on it. Well, not at the moment because I’m recovering from my Covid vax/flu shot combo that I got last Wednesday. I’m about50% recovered in less than a week, so I consider that not bad at all.
As for the first, I’m mostly meeting my goal of an hour a night, but I’ve slipped a few times. I do make it up, but I don’t want to use that as a crutch. I’m going to check in at the end of January and see if I’m ready to up it to two hours a day. I think I need to change my whole schedule so I’m not starting to write at three or four (or later) in the morning, but that’s really hard for me to do.
Back to the topic–some of the other things I’m looking to change/improve/do in my life. One is the topic of neurodivergency. A year or two ago, an online friend brought up the idea that I might be neurodivergent–specifically autistic. It made so many pieces of the puzzle called my life suddenly fit, and it really opened my eyes to how easy it is to be overlooked when you’re not a guy. Meaning, autisim is shown as a male thing, more specifically, a white male thing. And it’s portrayed as a young white guy who is socially awkward, bumbling, unable to look people in the eyes, stimming, overly logical and rigid, and not aware of other people’s feelings at all.
Funnily enough, I recognized it in my brother several decades ago because he fit so many of the stereotypical symptoms. It wasn’t until my online friend gave me several posts about nonmale people and autism (and had me take an online test, unmasking as best as I could–which wasn’t much at all because I’ve been masking all my life) that I was able to see how it applied to me.
I just got another piece of the puzzle when I was in a work forum, and a neurodivergent person took the time to explain how they (don’t know their gender) and their ND friends understand how society views hierarchy on an intellectual level, but they don’t get it on a personal level (I’m paraphrasing).
They made a few more comments about it, and it really clicked in my brain with some of the other things I know about myself that I always viewed as weird. I never got hierarchy, either. At least not the traditional hierarchy as practiced in Western (American) society.
Let me try to state this more plainly. I agree with the belief that everyone deserves a basic level of respect. I don’t move that level up or down based on money, status, power, etc. When President Clinton was having his very public affair, I was working at the county. There was an intern there who was roughly my age (late twenties). She said she coulld see how someone would be attracted to Clinton because of how powerful he was.
I did not get that all. Not only did I find him repugnant for what he had done, I just never got the personal appeal. And the fact that he had ‘all that power’ did nothing for me. There are very few people who would fluster me if I met them, and none of them really have to do with them being powerful people.
One is Barack Obama. Two, Rachel Maddow. Three, when he was alive, Alan Rickman. With Alan, is purely because I had the hugest crush on him and thought he was the sexiest man alive. That’s it. That’s all. I would feel intimidated by Rachel because she’s my platonic ideal of a partner. As for Obama, I will admit that there’s a tiny bit of power there. Yes, the fact that he was president of America is a bit of the intimidation, but it’s also because he’s so dang smart. All three of them are.
I am also an anarchist and a small l libertarian. These all seem linked to me. As well as being bi and genderqueer/agender. My brother likes to joke that I will always root for the underdog, but he’s not wrong. I will. I always see the person who is one down or being put down, and I will do what I can to back them/lift them up.
So, in that way, I do see hierarchy because I want to try to do my best to help those who are disadvantaged by it. I ‘get’ what society is trying to say with that hiearchy; I simply disagree. Which, by the way, was what the commenter in the forum I was reading had to do repeatedly. They would state their opinion, and other people would tell them how it was about value or whatever other reason society is the way it is. The original comenter said over and over again, “I get it. I just don’t agree with it.”
It was amusing how many people insisted on explaining it over and over to this commenter as they simply said, “I don’t agree” over and over again.
I admired their guts, to be honest. I’m more likely to try to explain once and then bail when I get push back. Or decide it’s not worth my time to argue. I mean, that’s not untrue. Arguing on the internet isn’t going to change anyone’s minds for the most part.
I feel like all of this is under the same umbrella for me. I don’t like categories and putting people in boxes. I really don’t like people abusing other people or flexing their powers in unsavory way.s Please note: I know that it’s going to happpen. I know why and how it happens. That doesn’t mean I think it’s a good thing, but I definitely know why it’s a thing.
It’s interesting how people can’t accept disagreement. On a sililer issue, video games, I am always very careful to voice my opinion as just that–my opinion. I’ll say what my favorite game is or that I had more fun with one game than another. I very rarely say a game is complete trash–unless it’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
I once said that I liked playing The Surge better than Nioh in a games-centric chat. You would not believe how many outraged gamer guys repeated incessantly that Nioh was the better game. It freaked them out when I would agree with them and add that I had more fun with The Surge. I will admit, I did it in part to rile them up, but it’s also true.
More tomorrow.