Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: jigsaw puzzle

Another piece to the neurodivergent puzzle

I have mentioned that I have three goals for 2026. They are 1. Teach myself the Bagua Knives Form; 2. write my novemoir; and, 3. Find an Asian queer/genderqueer group, probably online, to join. In addition to those three major goals, however, I have  other smaller goals. And to break it down even more, I have things that I want to do that are percolating in the back of my mind.

Just a quick update on the big three. I have not started on the third one, and I probably need to brreak that down even further in order to get it done.  One, I’m progressing nicely on it. Well, not at the moment because I’m recovering from my Covid vax/flu shot combo that I got last Wednesday. I’m about50% recovered in less than a week, so I consider that not bad at all.

As for the first, I’m mostly meeting my goal of an hour a night, but I’ve slipped a few times. I do make it up, but I don’t want to use that as a crutch. I’m going to check in at the end of January and see if I’m ready to up it to two hours a day. I think I need to change my whole schedule so I’m not starting to write at three or four (or later) in the morning, but that’s really hard for me to do.

Back to the topic–some of the other things I’m looking to change/improve/do in my life. One is the topic of neurodivergency. A year or two ago, an online friend brought up the idea that I might be  neurodivergent–specifically autistic. It made so many pieces of the puzzle called my life suddenly fit, and it really opened my eyes to how easy it is to be overlooked when you’re not a guy. Meaning, autisim is shown as a male thing, more specifically, a white male thing. And it’s portrayed as a young white guy who is socially awkward, bumbling, unable to look people in the eyes, stimming, overly logical and rigid, and not aware of other people’s feelings at all.

Funnily enough, I recognized it in my brother several decades ago because he fit so many of the stereotypical symptoms. It wasn’t until my online friend gave me several posts about nonmale people and autism (and had me take an online test, unmasking as best as I could–which wasn’t much at all because I’ve been masking all my life) that I was able to see how it applied to me.

I just got another piece of the puzzle when I was in a work forum, and a neurodivergent person took the time to explain how they (don’t know their gender) and their ND friends understand how society views hierarchy on an intellectual level, but they don’t get it on a personal level (I’m paraphrasing).

They made a few more comments about it, and it really clicked in my brain with some of the other things I know about myself that I always viewed as weird. I never got hierarchy, either. At least not the traditional hierarchy as practiced in Western (American) society.


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Laughter in the time of covid-19

Even before self-isolation, I used to keep something in the background as a way of white noise. Podcast, Let’s Play, old episodes of the original GBBO, etc. It helps me concentrate, though I do admit that I will take mini-breaks in order to listen/watch the program at hand. Of course, many of the Let’s Players I watch are now self-isolating as well, which means more solo livestreams. In particular, the members of RKG are used to working in a group. Mostly three, sometimes two. I don’t think there’s ever been a solo stream by any of them before the move to self-isolation. They are Brits, which means now they are in lockdown. They put a post on their
Patreon about the solo streams they were going to be doing, and the one that had me most excited at first was Krupa’s Dark Souls plat run, part 2 for obvious and not obvious reasons.

Obvious reason: Dark Souls. Also, this is a producers stream, so it was more intimate than the other streams. It’s a great community, and the producers streams are a nice way to relax and chat with like-minded folks. Not so obvious reason: Krupa is the reason I clicked with the group in the first place. I was watching an episode of them playing Dark Souls III, and Gav said something about Krupa being a great teacher, the kind you were terrified of at the time but realized years later how great he actually was. After some bantering, Krupa shouted, “I’m not telling you what a sestina is again!” (He had been studying for his English PhD and had to student teach as part of his studies.) That he had worked ‘sestina’ into an episode of a Dark Souls Let’s Play reeled me in. Also, he’s the one who’s the most similar to me, so there’s that as well.

The stream was great as Krupes ran through NG+, the second part of the game, with the help  of many summons and crushed out the Dark Lord ending. Every time he finished upgrading yet another kind of weapon, a trophy would pop, and he would put on the achievement music. We would all crow about it and praise that sun HARD. \[T]/ Which is really fucking hard to do in the Dvorak system. It went for 7 1/2 hours with cameos by Ramen, his Maltipoo, who is incredibly adorable. A few of the other members and I started the Cult of Pyros in which we praise Vamos, our lord and savior. He is the blacksmith who deals with all the fire weapons, and he’s really hard to find. Hm. I think we should add Izalith as our Goddess. She was the witch who tried to recreate the First Flame with disastrous results. Anyway, it was hilarious, and we’re thinking of getting a t-shirt.

There was a real feeling of community as we helped Krupa on his journey for platinum. I don’t play on the PS4, so I was mostly moral support and Google Maps when Krupa needed to find something. Sometimes, a know-it-all can be helpful! The reason I know the game so well is because I died so. many. times. In addition, there is no map, so I was forced to rely on my memory. I have a great memory, but I’m terrible with directions. It was only with repetition that I could remember where everything was. Even then, I had some pockets in my memory. Such as trying to get Power Within in Blighttown going backwards through the area.

Side Note: I feel as if I’m the crazy auntie of the group since I’m one of if not the oldest of the group. I’m pretty sure I’m the oldest, but I’ll allow for the fact that there might be one or two who are older.

The stream was 7 1/2 hours, and he’s still not finished. He needs to make all the unique weapons and that’s it. He has to kill Quelaag, Sif (sob), and Gwyndolin one more time, which means making it to Anor Londo once again. That’s gonna be another two to three hours of Dark Souls goodness! It’s a very chill way to spend a day, but there’s also a sense of accomplishment as well when he gets one of the trophies.


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