A decade ago, Shadow was really sick. He was yowling as he was peeing and he refused to eat. I asked his foster mom what I should do, and she said to take him to the vet ASAP. I took him late that afternoon (first appointment I could get), my heart in my throat.
Today, I woke up to Shadow yowling in a similar way. As any cat companion will tell you, you know the different meows of your cat. There is the ‘I’m hungry’ meow. The ‘I’m bored’ meow. The ‘pet me now’ meow. Then there’s the ‘I’m in distress!’ meow. The last is the one you never want to hear as it’ll break your heart.
He was straining to poop, and it was clear he was constipated. He would strain and nothing would come out or just *warning, graphic* drippy diarrhea. There was one medium-ish nugget of diarrhea, but no actual poop.
I tried giving him Temptations. Nothing. Wet food with hot water (his favorite way to eat it). Nothing. I will fully confess that I have not taken him to the vet since (I know, I know), and I found out that the place I used to take him to had no record of him and was not taking new clients at this time. I know vets have been slammed, so I understood. But I didn’t like it. Obviously.
Animals can’t tell you when something is wrong. Cats are especially good at hiding their pain, much to their detriment. He was fine yesterday. He ate normally and peed normally as well (checked the litterbox this morning). But he’s vomiting clear liquid and has done it several times. In addition to his drippy butt, and it’s clear that I needed to take him in.
I found another vet with stellar reviews and 2 minutes from my home. I talked with the receptionist and set up an appointment for 1 p.m. This was at 9 a.m. or so, and 1 p.m. was the soonest appointment they had. As I was making the appointment, Shadow wandered by and howled.
After making the appointment, I have kept an eye on Shadow. He has since done a smallish softish poop (not diarrhea) and vomited liquid at least one more time. He’s still having spots of diarrhea and he’s still not eating. he’s not feverish, and he’s mostly just lying in a loaf and occasionally looking at me mournfully. He is cool to the touch, but not clammy. He is flicking his tail in the way he does when he wants to engage with me. This is when I pet his tail or his butt. He is not meowing in pain the way he was before.
A decade ago, I took him back and forth between the day vet and the night vet for a week. The day vet fucked something up that the night had to correct. I was told by the day vet on Friday that if he did not reach a certain number by the end of the day, they would suggest euthanizing him. They made it clear that they did not expect him to make it to that number.
That was the longest day of my life. I sat on the couch, the phone in my hand, just waiting. I can remember the feeling that came over me as the minutes ticked by. I was supposed to go on a date that night, but I cancelled because there was no way I was going to be up for it, no mater if Shadow reached that number or not. The day vet called around 4 p.m., and I answered with my heart in my mouth. They told me that he had reached the number, and I could come get him. She was joyful; I was stunned. I had been so prepared to lose my boy that I wasn’t sure how to react to the fact that it had turned out the way I wanted. He was fine. I didn’t have to do anything special once he came home. I was dazed, to tell you the truth.
In the last week or so, I have been thinking that I need to get him checked out and that I had to brace myself for maybe losing him. he’s 16 years old with a family history of heart failure. His mother died when she was 6 from it and his brother when he was 10. Granted, everything is heart failure in the end, but apparently, there was a history of heart problems in the family.
Right now, Shadow is curled in the papasan next to me. He’s exactly like he would be if he were fine except he hasn’t eaten all day. I called the night hospital where he’d been staying overnight and they had a record of him. The issue had been an urinary obstruction, which makes sense with how he was yowling in the litterbox last time.
I’ve used up all my luck in this lifetime. What with Shadow’s miraculous recovery and my own. I had made a bargain with the gods I don’t believe in to give me at least another year after my own brush with mortality. Another year with Shadow, I mean. He’s 16 1/2 years old. I know that his time is short and I am thankful for every extra day I’ve had with him since he was supposed to die nearly 11 years ago (January of 2012).
I’m still not ready. He is my faithful companion who is rarely not by my side. He has become much cuddlier since his brother died and since I had my own medical crisis. He used to only like me (as far as people go) and would disappear if anyone else entered the room. Then, he met Ian and it was instant love. I had warned Ian that while Raven would love up on him immediately, it would take longer for Shadow to warm up to him–if ever. Shadow marched over to Ian and demanded pets. Ian said, “Hello, Raven,” and knelt to pet him. I said in astonishment, “That’s Shadow!”, and an unbreakable bond was formed.
Shadow has slowly come around to being cool with other people. Then, when I had my own medical problem, he became a total people person. Anyone comes into the room and he’s all over them.
I had the appointment. We are doing a battery of tests and I had to leave him at the vet for a few hours because he peed before they were ready to take a sample. They want to rule out some of the scarier things, but also be ready to deal with them if it’s what I hope to god it isn’t. The vet (whom I was meeting for the first time) was compassionate, yet brisk–which was exactly what I wanted. The whole team was really great, and I am glad that they are the ones who are helping me through this.
If this is the end and I have to make that hard decision, well, K is coming in a few days. She will definitely support me as she has had to make the end-of-life decisions for several of her past animal friends. So has Ian. And my Taiji teacher. They’ll all be able to support me if it comes to that.