Yesterday, I was ranting about ‘reverse _____ism’ and how much I loathe that argument. It’s lazy, derailing, and just boring. Today, at Ask A Manage,r there is a question about high-end gifts to team members to reward them for a job well done. It included money, a trip, and an individual gift (that’s the high-end gift) to each person. It was a product the company made (the letter writer said suppose it’s golf clubs), and the men were give the male version and women were giving the female version. She said there was a 30% differential in the worth of the gifts (men’s were more, of course). She asked if she was wrong to feel upset about it and if not, what she should do.
The number of people in the commentariat (with the gender ratio being roughly 79% identify as women, at least on the self-answering survey Alison asked about salary in 2021) who defended the practice to varying extent was dispiriting. There were those who got caught up on actual golf clubs and why this might be fine (when the LW clearly stated golf clubs was a placemarker for the actual object); those who wanted to know if it was an item from the same line or a different one (I still don’t get why this would matter), and others who were whatabouting up and down as if it was just a t-shirt in different sizes.
It was bizarre that the first dozen answers or so were in this vein with one person clearly saying that the LW was just being an ungrateful brat about a gift. First of all, it’s not just a gift, it’s a reward for doing their job well. Secondly, even if it’s “just a gift”, it’s not good for the morale of women to realize they were valued 30% less.
Alison was quick to say that the letter writer clarified it was items from two different lines (the men’s being higher, of course), rather than two equal lines in which the men’s item was valued more. Suddenly, the people questioning if that was the case (or trying to rationalize if they were in the same line) were saying, “Oh, that changes everything.” Why? No it doens’t. Thoughtless sexism is still sexism. Intent matters to a certain extent, but mpact matters more.
Especially when it comes to discrimination in the workplace. There is no excuse for that. I was really happy with the people who pointed that out. also how tiring it is to have people constantly questoniing as to whether it’s truly sexism. One woman got weirdly hung up on the fact that everyone got money and trips, too. So, this wasn’t sexist? Or it didn’t matter as much? Put it this way. Someone abusing you one-third of the time isn’t any more acceptable than someone who abuses you 100% of the time. In fact, in this case, it’s even more irritating because they have shown they can treat men and women (ugh. I’ll get into that later) equally so why not in this case?
Someone was trying to explain why men’s and women’s golf clubs would cost a different amount. And it made sense in a logical way 9more weght for the men’s, which means more material). The problem with that argument is that this same explanation can be twisted in so many ways. For example. Shirts past 2XL often cost more with the excuse that there’s more fabric. But a fitted t-shirt for women can also cost more because it takes more tailoring.
Basically, a company is going to try to squeeze every penny out of consumers as possible. That’s capitalism. It is, as they say, what it is. But here’s the thing. In a company that is trying to reward its high performers,giving gifts with that marked difference is bullshit. People talking about t-shirts–she mentioned that it was fairly valuable. Plus her mention of golf clubs gives a general idea of the price point. But, no. People had to go straight to, “Why are you being sooooo meeeeeeeean? They were just trying to be niiiiiiice!”
When it was clairfied that the men got an item from a higher-end line and the women from a lower-end line, that’s when the questioners were more ingignant. That makes a difference! They cried. Oh, if only I had known from the beginning!
First of all, I assumed it was something like that because of the hefty difference in value. Second, unthinking sexism is just as damaging as deliberate sexism. Yes, the way you address it is different (and for that reason, the LW needs to know which it is), but the impact is the same.
In addition, it was a needless foul on the part of the company. If they had to give gendered items because that’s what they make and they want to include that as part of the gift–then say that people can pick a ‘club’ up to, say, $500, and be done with it.
For, and this is a drum I’m going to beat until I die for a third time, someone’s physical appearance may not coincide with their gender. Asking them which item they want would have made all this obsolete. Putting a cap on the price would make it so that people couldn’t exploit it for personal gains (though I would argue so what, but….not going to get into that here).
Interestingly, people brought up smart watches. Apparently, when the Apple Smartwatch was created, they created it to fit the male wrist. Which was problematic for women, obviously. Some women. A woman said that she liked women’s watches because of the smaller face. But not every woman wantns a watch with a small face. In my case, I have really thick wrists so finding a watch with a smaller face and thicker band is nearly impossible. I alos have really broad shoulders, thick calves, and pot belly. I also have enormous boobs so I am all over the place. Per usual.
And I no longer identify as a woman. This was another problem I have with the binary gifts. Apparently, it wasn’t an issue in this company because the LW did not mention any nonbinary coworkers. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any or that there aren’t any in the closet. If there were or any agender, genderfluid, genderqueer people. This is another reason I think gender-related stuff is outdated and outmoded. Someone was trying to explain why men and women’s golf clubs are different, but you can just call them A and B, for example. That’s actually what Elden Ring does. You choose body type A or B. Granted, they will use ‘he’ or ‘she’ based on which you choose, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Gender is so strange to me, but if you’re going to give a gift based on it, well, just don’t.