Let’s talk about gender, shall we? We shall because it’s my blog and I can do what I want. Also because gender is important–and yet, I wish it weren’t. Let me hastily add that I don’t want to take gender away from anyone for whom it’s important. My BFF, K, and I have discussed whether or not ‘they’ will take over gender proclamations in our lifetime (instead of he and/or she). This was before the election, by the way. All bets are off now.
We were both hopeful that we were moving towrds a society in which gender was not as emphasized as it is now. Or rather,, that the toxic, sexist ideas of gender would subside.
I can’t help but laugh bitterly at that idea now after said election. Never in my lifetime has equality seemed more like a dream. I have read about queers hastily marrying before the exchange of power because they fear that marriage equality would be repealed.
This should not even be on the menu. Civil rights should never be able to be voted away/legislated. And yet, here we are. Marriage equality became law in 2015. Almost a decade later, we are fearing that it will be whisked away again. Before it became the law of the land, I was talking about it with K. I did not think it would happen in our lifetime (I was the doubting Thom in our friendship) while she was convinced it would. I begrudgingly said maybe, but only when we were in our seventies or eighties. It was less than five years later when it became a reality. I was stunned, in a good way. It honestly happened faster than I could comprehend, but I willingly accepted it as a positive thing.
I did not care about marriage equality persosnally because I don’t believe in marriage (for me), but I cared about it from a social justice perspective because I firmly believe in equality. If straight people get to be miserably yoked together, then so should queers! I kid, but not exactly.
I honestly do not understand why straights are so against marriage equality when it has nothing to do with them. But wait. This post was not going to be about that–but it’s related. Those who have rigid ideas about gender are more likely to be anti-queer, too.
See how I tied it back to the point of this post?
I have said in the past that my issue with gender is not being a woman or being identified as being a woman. I like my body (well, the bits that have been dubbed lady parts, but that’s a post for another day). I LOVE my boobs and I’m fine with my pussy, hips, and ass. Actually, I’m extremely pleased with my ass as I’ve grown one through Taiji. That’s not hyperbole. I had a flat ass when I started Taiji. Now I have half an ass! It’s actually there. When I excitedly pointed it out to Ian, he very diffedently said he had noticed. He hadn’t brought it up, though, because he’s a good dude like that.
In my ideal world, gender would be whatever you wanted it to be. I know that sounds airy-fairy and like I have my head up my ass. What I mean, though, is that–how do I put this? Back when I was in my thirties, the big push was that being a woman or a man (we lived in the binary back then) was whatever you wanted it to be. In th e progressive circles, I mean. Which was a big step up from following prescribed roles all the time. Then, it was pushing past the binary completely to gett where we were a few months ago. Nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, etc.
Now. I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen with the regime change. Queers are afraid for our lives, our love, and our liberty. I have written about how I can ‘pass’ because I’m not dating and I’m not about todate any time soon. Though, I’ll tell you, my attempts to date have both been pathetic and stunted by events not under my control.
The last time I was in a relationship was roughly fifteen years ago. It ended horribly and made me realize that I was a shitty partner. not only that, I was shitty at picking partners, too. It was a legacy of my parents’ marriage, and it’s one I’m still dealing with. I’m a pretty decent friend, but tthat seems to go out the window when it comes to romantic relationships. I can tell myself that I’m going to do it better, and then I fall into the same old traps.
I decided to take a year off dating. And it continued on for more time. It wasn’t until January 2020 that I decided to try dating again. Please note the date because we all know what came next. The pandemic. That put the kibosh on me dating for the next year-and-a-half. Then, mid-July, after I had been vaccinated, I thought about it again. I looked at my dating profiles to see if I needed to update them (OKCupid and Bumble).
Once again, please note the date. This was two-and-a-half months before my medical crisis. Obviosuly, that put a halt to me trying to date once again. Let’s face it. dating is difficult at the best of times, and that was not the best of times. The crisis itself wasn’t terrible, but it took several months to settle my wig over it. And, to be honest, it still hits me now and again. But physically, I was back to nearly 100% after 3 months. I know that so readily beacuse my parents stayed for three months and I was almost as fit as a fiddle when they left. And it was actually a week less because I was unconscious for that week. Actually, they came the day I woke up, which was a week after I had my medical crisis.
How did we detour here? Dunno. But I’m going to go with it.
Recently, I have thought about it once again. Dating, I mean. Then the election happened, and I have so much hate in my heart. I don’t think I could date right now because I’m pretty pissed. And that’s not a good way to be witth someone. It’s ok to be cynical, but it’s not ok to want to punch out everyone you meet.
In addition, I’m done with cishet white men. I am completely done. I don’t have the patience, and my simmering rage would make me lash out all the time. Plus, I hate who I become when dating men, so it’s off the table.
More tomorrow.