I have a black cat named Shadow. He is sixteen years old. He has been with me since he was nine months old. Let me tell you the story of his life.
Many many moons ago, I was perusing Petfinder for two black cats, siblings, in my area whom I could adopt. I didn’t know much about what I wanted as I hadn’t had cats since I was a kid, but what I did know was that they had to be a bonded pair of black cats. Little did I know how many black cats would be available to me because they are the last cats to be adopted. Whether it’s for superstitious reasons or that they ‘lack color’, they’re often unadopted while their more colored kin are snatched up.
I looked through hundred of pictures getting more and more depressed. So many unwanted black cats, it broke my heart. I found a pair of brothers named Raven and Shadow. Their foster mom had written clever bios and Shadow’s said that he was psychic and knew I wanted two black cats. There was something about his eyes that made me fall in love. Raven was written as playful and more people-pleasing, which also appealed to me. They were going to be at the Petco in a city near me for an adoption event the next day, which felt like kismet to me.
I went to the Petco the next day, my heart in my throat. I could not wait to bring them home so I was crushed when there was only one cat in the cage. The foster mom handed Midnight to me and draped him around my neck. He looked so unhappy and his foster mom explained that she had made the mistake of putting him in the carrier before Shadow. Shadow took off and could not be found anywhere. Since he hated the events so much and they hadn’t had a sniff in the months prior, she decided to leave him at home. This was the last adoption event she was going to take them to, anyway. She had decided to adopt them but was so grateful that I wanted them.
I left Midnight (whom I renamed Raven) with her and bought everything I needed. I went to her house the next day with a friend to pick up the boys. Once again, Raven readily went into the carrier, but Shadow hightailed it out of there. He’s exceptionally good at disappearing, and it took fifteen minutes or so to find him.
When we reached my house, I put them in the dining room and shut the two sliding doors. I had a box in the corner and a litter box in the room. Shadow immediately went into the box and stared out at me, his eyes glittering in the dark. Raven started sniffing around at everything his nose could touch. This was their personalities in a nutshell. Shadow was a scared boy who was terrified of his own tail. My SIL didn’t believe I had two cats because she never saw him. Raven, on the other hand , was a gregarious boy who had swagger. Their foster mom has a great pic of him going nose to nose with a German Shepherd the foster mom had, no fear in baby Raven’s eyes.
The second day, I opened the sliding doors and Raven immediately bolted outside so he could explore the whole house. Shadow stayed in his box, and I just let him do his own thing. He disappeared and I could not find him anywhere. Raven meowed vociferously and ran downstairs, turning his head every few seconds to make sure I was following him. Then, he stood in front of the divider wall and meowed, staring fixedly at it. I went around to the other side and there was Shadow hiding behind some boxes.
In the first several years of his life, Shadow was afraid of, well, his own Shadow. He would disappear if anyone came over and I was the only human he trusted. Then, when he was six, he got gravely ill. I took him to the vet and it was dire. I had to take him to the overnight vet every day so they could watch him. When I took him from the day vet to the night vet, he looked so miserable–like he was just barely holding on. I’ll never forget the pain in his eyes, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.
There was a mix-up with his IV on day three or four that fortunately the night vet discovered in time (was done by the day vet). I was a wreck for that week and could barely think of anything other than Shadow. On Friday, the day vet told me in the morning that a certain number was way too high/low and that if he didn’t reach a certain number by the end of the day, it might be time to make that terrible decision.
I was nearly catatonic for the whole day. As 4 p.m. drew closer, I lay on the couch with my cordless phone in my hand just waiting for the inevitable call. I had already decided I’d let him go if it came to that because I did not want him to suffer just because I was selfish and wanted him in my life.
When the call came, I steeled myself to say the dreaded words. Instead, the vet/assistant told me that he had reached the miraculous number and that I could bring him home. I was in shock, but I raced to pick him up. I didn’t have to do anything special for him; I just had to love him. I could easily do that.
He bounced back from that as if nothing had happened. He was my miracle kitty, and he relaxed a bit about his own fears. When he met Ian for the first time, Shadow immediately fell in love with Ian and glued himself to Ian. I was gobsmacked because I had told Ian that Raven would love him up immediately, but it would take longer for Shadow. When Shadow ran over to Ian to get love, Ian asked if it was Raven. I was able to stammer out that it was Shadow, but I was astounded.
Almost six years ago, Raven suddenly died. I still have trouble talking about it because there was nothing to indicate it would happen. For the first time in some time, he and Shadow were sleeping on Ian’s bed (he was visiting) together. They cuddled all the time when they were young, but grew out of it as they aged. They still loved each other, but they just weren’t as physically affectionate with each other.
I still can’t talk about it, really. It hurts my heart to remember that night. The only positive thing I remember from that night is, well, two. One, Ian was there. I could not have gotten through it without him. And two, just as we left the emergency vet, a heavy snow began to fall. I love snow, so I felt it was a sign that Raven was looking down on me and telling me it was going to be OK.
I’m running long, so I’ll leave this here for now. In the next post, I’ll talk about Shadow’s painful adjustment to being an only cat and how he eventually came into his own.