Underneath my yellow skin

Being adventurous in different ways

I know the Myers-Briggs test has been debunked, with good reason. How valid it’s going to be is based on how well you really know yourself (and how not delusional you are). One thing that stuck out to me when I took it was that I split evenly on J and P. Meaning that I was equally capricious and regimental. Which is pretty much true.

I have a schedule that I keep to and it’s the same every day, but not at the same time. What I mean is that I do things in the same order every day. That has gotten shaken up in the last two weeks because of Shadow’s illness, but in general, it’s the same. I get up and take my meds save the one I have to eat food with (because I have one I can’t eat food with). In the past, I would do most of my Taiji next and then before the very end, feed my cat. Also, I would brush my teeth in there as well. Now, I take my meds an dthen feed my cat, then do my Taiji.

The reason I waited in the past was because I didn’t want him bugging me for breakfast the minute he woke up. Now, however, I’m pretty much feeding him whenever he’s hungry because I’m a softy and he was so sick. He’s being more picky these days, and I think it’s because his sense of smell isn’t quite back yet. He’ll sniff at his food and then not eat it. Or eat it, depending. Sometimes, he’ll be happily scarfing down the food and then stop. Then he won’t eat any more, but he will eat treats. Or not.

If I add hot water to it, sometimes he’ll eat more and sometimes he won’t. In the past, he would eat it if I put hot water on it more often than not. This is all wet food, by the way. And with treats, he’ll eat them some of the time and not other times. Before, he would almost always eat treats (meaning Temtations, Greenies, etc.). It could be he’s still not quite completely over his cold. It might be that he’s just gotten pickier since being sick. Or maybe he just doesn’t need the increase in food now that he’s better again. Or that much increase I should say because he’s still eating more than he did in the past, just not as much more as he was right after he started recovering from his sickness.

Anyway, then I write my blog post for the day. If it’s the weekday, I follow it up by doing my work for my bro. In between, I might play my day of Cozy Grove or I might do it before the post. Then I’ll fuck around for a bit before writing my 2,000 words of fiction/memoir for the night. Those are the broadstrokes to my day, around which I fill in the blanks.

I also tend towards inertia. Most people do, but I really do. I watch my brother living his very energetic life, and I am filled with envy. I wish I could do a million things a day as he does, but it’s not my style–and it would exhaust me. In adidtion, I’m not sure i would really enjoy it. He was saying one thing he wanted now that he was single again was to have adventures and to find someone with whom he could just do things impulsively with. He mentioned that his ex did not like to, say, just go to Duluth for the weekend, without a lot of planning. Honestly, I am on her side. In general, I like to plan things like that because I have so many issues that need attending. But, where I part ways with her is that she hated it when he did it on his own, too. I would not mind if I had a partner who liked to do those kinds of things on their own with the caveat that they weren’t leaving me in the lurch back home.

Then again, when K lived here, she would periodically suggest something on the spur of the moment, and I would be down with it if I didn’t have something else that clashed. One time, she, another friend of ours, and I drove thirteen hours (round trip) to hear K’s brother play in his ska band in Knasas City and back in two days. I will admit that the only reason I said yes to that was because K said she would drive the whole way. She likes to drive and I, to put it mildly, do not.

I appreciate that she pushes me to do things when I might be content to just sitting around in my house doing the same thing daay after day. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with routine, either. At Ask A Manager, someone asked if anyone else hated travel. Very few people were willing to say that they flat-out hated it, but I did! I was very open about why I did not like it, and some of it is in part because I need to control my environment.

I’m still mulling my next step in life. It’s been over a year since my medical crisis, and it’s time for me to think about what’s next–not just focus on what happneed in the past. I’m not saying that I’ll ever be over what happened because it was monumental and life-changing. But it was one moment in time and not the state of the rest of my life. Yes, my mentality and attitude changed because of it, but that doesn’t mean that I have to get on with the business of living.

One thing that I really embraced from my experience was that life is truly short. You can go at any moment. Yes, I intellectually knew that before, but it was reallyl underlined by dying twice. Granted, i came back twice as well, which makes the lesson a bit harder to learn. If I can come back from death so easily, why fear it?

However, it would have been so easy for me not to come back either time and that would have been the end of my story. Life done at 51 with nothing to show for it. Now that I have these bonus days, I should actually do something with them. I would like to leave a legacy beyond, “She lived, she died, she lived again, she died again, then lived once more before dying a third (and final) time.”


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