I want to talk more about societal norms and how I just do not understand them. I mentioned in my previous post that my mother got really upset when I told her I was bi. She said, “What’s next, animals?” Which makes absolutely no sense, but that’s how she is. It’s not just her, however. It used to be a fairly common response to being told someone was queer. Again, no idea why straights’ brains go straight to animals, but I think it says more about them than it does about queer people.
In a similar vein, when talking about not wearing a bra/not shaving your legs/not wearing pantyhose (depending on what point in time we’re talking about), there are so many women that are shocked and horrified. Some even say something like, “What next, no pants in the workplace?” I mean, come on. That is not a good -faith argument, but that’s because there’s isn’t one. A good-faith argument, I mean. For wearing a bra.
Side note: It’s always funny to me when people say a hill isn’t worth dying on. Sometimes, they’re right, but sometimes, I want to point out (and someone did in the bra post) that if it’s not a big deal/a hill to die on, then the filp should be true as well. In other words, if it’s so not a big deal, then it shouldn’t be a big deal not to not wear a bra, either.
Also, at some point, I’m sure women were saying that being able to wear pants was not a hill worth dying on. And not having to wear pantyhose. And not being able to work outside the home. Changes are incremental for the most part, and they take many people constantly sticking their necks out and making a fuss. It’s not like it went seamlessly (ha!) from women having to wear pantyhose to being allowed to wear pants. There had to be a lot of pushback because traditions do not go gentle into the night.
More to the point, why do people care about things that don’t affect them one whit? I’m not being disingenuous when I say that I don’t get freaked out by jiggling boobs–even if they are not covered. Don’t get me wrong. I love boobs. Who doesn’t? As my late gay fake-husband used to say, “Everyone loves boobs!” He used to call my boobs his pillows, which was hilarious to me.
I knew this country was puritanical, but not to that extent. If someone has their boobs covered up, who cares if there’s a slight jiggle? I mean, not to be rude about it, but plenty of men have boob jiggle (and their nipples can be seen through their shirts. Maybe not the whole nipples, but at least the point. And the argument that we view men’s nipples and women’s nipples diferently holds no water because that’s the fucking point! It’s sexism, plain and simple.
Yes, you can argue that it’s prudent to be aware of this so you can take a calculated risk rather than an uncalculated one. I agree with that. People need to make money so they can do things like pay rent/mortgage, buy food to eat, clothes to cover their bodies (but not necessarily a bra). I would never push someone into quitting over this issue. But. I would do it in a heartbeat because I can afford to be pickier than most people can be.
Also, part of checking your privilege is then doing something with that privilege if you can–otherwise, what’s the good of checking it? I want to lift everyone up–not push everyone down. So if I were in the position to challenge something meaningless like you must wear a bra to work with very little damage to myself, then why would I not do that? Not just for me (I HATE bras. I love my boobs, but they must be free. Anything that restricts them is painful and irritating), but for anyone who might not be able to make that stand.
I mentioned that the vast majority of the comments were pro-bra. And there was a significant portion of those that were virulently anti-no bra. The pro-no bra were in the distinct minority, but passionate. We commiserated on being baffled and discouraged how vehement so many women were (and, yes, they were almost all if not all women).
Before the pandemic, I did not wear a bra on the daily because I worked from home. If I went to my Taiji classes, I wore a sports bra. I don’t like them, but they are better than regular bras. I sometimes wore a bra if I went to the store or to an event. Not always, though.
Once the pandemic hit and I rarely went anywhere, I stopped wearing bras altogether. I felt 100% better, and I vowed never to wear one again. I have held to that, and my boobs have never been happier. They are free and not chafing in any way.
Here’s the thing. I don’t care if other people want to wear them. Their body, their choice. I jsut don’t see why I or anyone who doesn’t want to wear one should be shamed into doing so. I kept seeing it was ‘unprofessional’, but no one could really explain why. Just as in the post about shaving your legs, no one could explain in a rational manner why a woman’s leg hair was gross, but a man’s legg hair was not. Saying it’s a cultural difference is not sufficient because that can be changed.
Societal norms, though they may be persistent and deep, are not written in stone. In addition, America is a very young country. It’s only 250 years old, which is not even a blink of an eye, really. And in that time, look at how much the country has changed. Things that people thought would be around forever didn’t last fifty years. I mean, that would be a lot of things because, again, this country is very young.
I am an anarchist in that I don’t believe in upholding traidition simply for the sake of tradition. Nor do I believe in hierarchy just beacuse. But I’m also a pragmatist. I don’t believe in tearing shit down just to tear it down, either. I do acknowledge that there are times when hierarchies are needed. But traditions? I always eye them with suspicion.
You have to prove to me why they should continue to be rather than why we should not just move on. I’m like a five-year old with all my ‘whys’?
More tomorrow.