I am bananapants.
I have decided to do something completely different for NaNoWriMo. I was going to do my medical memoir, and I still want to do that at some point. But I have decided that I want to do something else for NaNoWriMo. What is it, you ask? I don’t want to say right now. I don’t like to talk about my writing before I do it because it loses something as I talk about it. Also, if I talk about it, then I don’t have as much energy to do it.
Side note: This is what complaining about a problem does if you complain enlessly about it. I am someone who likes a good vent. My spleen, it needs emptying sometimes. I believe it’s not good to keep it in because it can cause tension and stress.
However. If you find yourself complaining about the same thing all the time, that’s a problem. In part because if you complain about it, you think you’re doing something about it. Your brain says, “Yup, you’re done with this” when you haven’t actually done anything. And it gets grooved in such a way that the more you complain about it, the more you think you’ve done something. I know this because this is my mother. But this post is not about that.
I usually write myysteries. I started writing them because I enjoy reading them, but there were none that reflected me. This was way back in the day when there were very few female protags, let alone the hodgepodge that is me. The few female Asian protags were, very VERY thin on the ground. And one of them was so cringe-worthy. The whole tiger mama trope, ugh, I don’t want to even think about it.
Is it self-certered? Yes. I wanted to read books that reflected my life anwd my experiences. I think most people want that, don’t they? I mean, male gamers throw major tantrums when there are people who are not them in games, let alone the main character. It’s a travesty to them. A TRAVESTY I say! But in their world, it’s normal rather than being self-centered. Because the whole Western world is made for white cis het dudes. That’s just the way it is. So I feel no compunction about doing the same for myself.
I like who I am. It’s taken half a century to reach that point–plus dying twice, but I’m there. I am circumspect about that because it’s just not done, but I like my total package. I’m not saying I don’t have flaws. I do. I’mw not saying I can’t improve. I most definitely can. But I’m saying that the basic components that make up me, I’m down with all that.
Back to what I want to write for NaNoWriMo.
Queer people are great for diversity. Not just in and of ourselves, but for what is the norm. In the RKG Discord (which, I must say, is overwhelmingly great people who are thoughtful and caring), there are issues that come up in the romance department, and people have feelings that seem to split along straight/queer people. One was the question of being friends with exes. There were several straight guys who said that they could not be friends with their exes. There were a few queer people (me included) who said this was definitely possible.
In many queer communities, things are not as clear cut as they are in the straight world. For one thing, there’s a greater feeling of…not loyalty, but camaraderie in queer spaces. It’s because being in the minority means there are way less of us, and it’s not something to be thrown away casually. I also think that it’s because dudes date women more based on physical attraction and once that dissipated, well, then what else was there?
The other thing was that a few straight dudes (and I’ll add that they were Americans. It’s a British Discord, so this is significant) who said that sex without love was hollow. Whicrh, fine for them, but the way at least one of them stated it was, not offensive, but could be taken as dismissive/derogatory. Which, again, is pretty common for white straight cis dudes. Their experiences are universal and how could ANYONE think diffecrently. Once again, it was two women and me who stumped for casual hookups. I said that it was fun and as long as everyone was enthusiastic, on the same page, and consenting, it could be beautiful. I didn’t see any need to compare the two–why not both?
I just thin kthe straight norms are so restrictive. I’m not against people being monogamous, obviously, but so many people seem so miserable in a monogamous het relationship. It’s discouraging to me that in the year of our endemic 2023, there are still so many antiquated ideas about romantic relationships and friendships between genders.
I have mentioned a thread in the Ask A Manager weekend forum in which the original poster asked whether a single woman and a married man could be friends. There were a few who were like, “Why the hell not?” But there was a distressingly high number of women (the vast majority of people who read AAM are women) who had all these rules about how the single woman (the OP) should behave. It really reminded me of the old scolds who tutted over men and women being friends at all.
I’m not naive to think that there isn’t a tension there between a (straight) man and (straight) woman in this society, but that’s more beacuse of societal norms and the unwirtten rules than because of anything real. Society puts way too much emphasis on men who put their penises in women. And, yes, I’m being crude about it because that’s what it boils down to. No one makes this kind of noise about queer people or non-men and non-women mating. It’s specifically het men and het women.
I really wish straight people could chill the fuck out about it. Sex is great. Sex is fantastic! But it’s not the be-all end-all, and for straight people, thinking it is can be to their detriment. It’s not just sex, though. It’s the whole ‘finding everything in one other person’. It’s just not possible, and it’s much more freeing if people could relax about it.
Anyway. This should give some hint as to what I plan on writing during NaNoWriMo. Or not. Either way, I’m excited about it, though I don’t quite see how I’m going to accomplish what I want to do. I can’t wait to find out if/how I pull it off.