Hi, I’m a writer. I have been a writer since I wsa seven. I have written poetry, short stories, novels, novellas, screenplays, and more experimental works. I read House of Leaves back in the day (did not care for it) and really dug the idea of it. I also read other experimental authors, less famous and female, queer, of color, etc. I like the fresh perspectives, but it’s not for me. I will say that I was turned off poetry because it seemed so antiquated and stale. Plus, I had a teacher who told me I had to capitalize and punctuate (never heard of e. e. cummings, apparently), must have a title (I just used the first sentence of each poem as the title), but at least she didn’t say I had to rhyme. It was a terrible class, though, and nothing Advanced or Creative about it.
I’ve read books about writing and suggestions from authors about how to write. The most common are tips such as write at the same time every day, write first thing in the morning, and have an outline. In fact, the latter is one of the most consistent pieces of advice I see given about. Make an outline. You have to have an outline. Outline all day long.
Now, I want to make it very clear that I am not anti-outline. If it works for you, have at it! I’m sure it’s helpful for many writers in part because it’s given so frequently as the number one tip. So there has to be some value in it. What I AM saying is that I don’t use outlines. Ever. I don’t find them useful and in fact, I find them restrictive.
Here’s the thing. I always have scenes racing through my brain. Before my medical trauma, it went like this. I would get a germ of an idea. Say different species of beings (not necessarily aliens) who live in our world and interact with humans. They are superior to humans, but are treated as lesser. I really wanted to do a contemporary urban fantasy (NOT sci-fi) murder mystery. The main character was an Asiatic-looking creature who was part of the patrol for her species. And then it was revealed over time that many nefarious things were happening at the agency, oh, and it’s a trilogy. A very loooooong trilogy. But it started with a germ of an idea that festered and simmered in my brain for weeks.
Then, I just started writing. I know that sounds flippant, but I basically had it all planned in my head. When I write a book, I usually have all the main points in mind before I start. Who is going to murder whom (I always know that before I start), why, and the basics of the world. usually, the main character is Asian, female, queer, and has a black cat because I want to manifest more characters like me into the world. I don’t identify as female now, but that’s not the point of this post.
Side Note: I type a lot. I have a mechanical keyboard that is supposed to be good for over 50 million strokes per cherry key. My other mechanical keyboard (gaming) is supposed to be good for twice that. I use a laptop for most of my typing, and the internal keyboard is shit. It broke within a week of me getting the laptop. A normal external keyboard lasts a month or two. The first mechanical keyboard I had lasted 2 years. So that’s 25 million keystrokes per year. That’s a lot of keystrokes. And it’s 25 million keystrokes of ONE key (the E key, to be precise. Or rather, the D key, which is E in Dvorak). That’s a lot of typing. Yes, I’m harder on my keyboards than most people are, but still.
I have the basic outline of a book in my head as I’m writing it. It becomes more fleshed out as I write, but it’s pretty vibrant from the start. I have tried an outline , but I just don’t see the point, honestly. I know it sounds arrogant, but I don’t get anything out of it. I have it all in my head and–hey, it’s like a map in a FromSoft game (before Elden Ring); it’s not necessary because I keep it all in my head!
I don’t write at the same time every day, either. I mean, I write a post about the same time every day, but I don’t stick to a schedule. I haven’t been working on my fiction since getting out of the hospital, much. I want to do a murder mystery set in a hospital, but I also want to do my memoir.
Let’s talk about that. Here’s the issue. I have written several times about how so much I’ve gained from my medical trauma. And how I’ve had to deal with the negatives (mostly family dysfunction). My problem in writing about it is the latter. Even in 2022, it’s difficult to talk about terrible family dynamics without people automatically defending ‘but faaaaaamily’. It happened on Twitter when I tried to explain how insidious abuse can be and how difficult it is to describe. Something as simple as my father repeatedly asking me if I’m cold, to the outsider, seems like something to shrug off. No big deal, right? You would be right except that it’s more than just the matter of me being cold or not. I don’t want to get into it here, but trust me, it’s symbolic for just about every other disagreement we’ve ever had.
I don’t know if I can put it all out there while they are still alive. But, to be blunt, they’re not long for this world. My father is 82 and not in the best of mental health. His body is pretty hale and hearty, though, so I don’t know how long he will last. My mom is in better shape all around, but her side of the family has a shorter life expectancy than my father’s side. I just remind myself that a book doesn’t get published in one day. I could start my memoir now and it probably wouldn’t be published for years.
At any rate, I can write it while telling myself that I don’t have to publish it while they are alive. I have to fool myself by saying things like that. Sad, but it works. When I write, I just get everything on paper. Again, I can tell myself that I can edit everything out that I don’t want to keep, which is one of my strengths. When I wrote the piece for PCGN, I wrote 4,000 words for a post with a 2,000 word limit. That meant I had to cut it in half, which was no easy feat. But I fished out the metaphorical red pen and slashed away until I had the desired amount of words.
I have all these questions about writing a memoir, but the only way to answer them is to actually write it. I want to write different chunks and maybe in different ways, but we’ll see. Once again, the answer is just to start and figure it out as I go. That’s my M.O., which has worked for me just fine.