I’ve been home for three-and-a-half weeks, but that’s not the home I’m talking about in this post. I’m talking about Dark Souls III by FromSoft and I’m talking about Firelink Shrine.
When I was in the hospital, one of the therapists I saw (physical? Probably) told me that I should play video games as part of my rehab. My eyes lit up because that was right up my alley. Play video games for rehab purposes? I can do that!
Let’s rewind even further than that. A week or two before I went into the hospital, the release trailer for Elden Ring (also by FromSoft) dropped to much hype and elation. It was at the end of Geoff Keighley’s summer fun fest game show (not the official name) just when everyone had lost hope that it would actually drop. When it was announced, everyone lost their goddamn minds, including me. I actually had tears in my eyes as I watched because I had waited so long for it. Honestly, I was beginning to think it would never be released so while I was excited by the news, my biggest feeling was one of relief.
Once I had properly digested the news, I was full of plans for the game. It’s supposed to be released in late January of next year, and FromSoft is usually pretty good with their release dates. It’s the first time they’ve set one of their games in an open world, which was exciting. Everything looked so dope and I could not wait to get my hands on the game. FromSoft is one of the few developers from whom I will pre-buy a game based on reputation alone. I was going to have two concurrent games going on. The primary character was going to be my solo run through the game–beating the bosses solo, etc. My secondary character was going to be the one I could co-op with, mostly with Ian.
After I woke up in the hospital, I eventually thought about Elden Ring again. Or maybe it was in the first few days I was home? At any rate, my thoughts about the game had drastically changed. Instead of all the lofty goals I had set for myself, I had one simple goal–to play and enjoy the game. That was it. To explore a new wondrous Miyazaki world (stridently ignoring GRRM) filled me with anticipation and glee.
The hospital has changed me in so many ways. It might seem silly for me to be talking about video games, but the Souls series has seen me through some rough times. In addition, it taught me how to be patient with something I’m not automatically good at. That is not my strong suit by far. If I have a natural aptitude for something, then I’m all over it. If I have difficulty with it from the start, then I feel embarrassed, ignorant, and resentful. It happened with the Sabre Form the first time I learned it, which was one of the reasons I resisted so hard. I had mistakenly thought because I had learned the Sword Form so easily, the Sabre Form would naturally follow.
I was so wrong. The Sword Form is the second-highest form in all of taiji (spear being first). It’s considered the scholar’s weapon and is delicate and elegant. The Sabre Form, on the other hand, is considered the lowest form because it’s crude. It was taught to the infantry so they could cut wide swathes through the enemies. The energies are different as well, which I couldn’t quite grasp. My teacher and I mutually gave up at the end of the fourth row (there are six rows) and didn’t pick it up again for a few more years.
By the time we were ready to try again, I had a much different and better attitude. I knew it wasn’t the same or even similar to the Sword Form and I was prepared to take the sabre as it was, not expect it to be the sword. The reset in my attitude made all the difference and I learned the Sabre Form the second time around with little difficulty. I grew to appreciate and enjoy the sabre, even if it still wasn’t my favorite.
Dark Souls was like that for me. When Ian first suggested it, I was intrigued. That intrigue quickly turned into frustration. And rage. Mustn’t forget the rage. Keep in mind that before that, I had played games like Torchlight (Runic Games), and the first two Borderlands (Gearbox Software). Dark Souls was the first hard game I ever played and I had no way of knowing I was diving into the deep end before I even had swimming lessons.
There were so many difficult moments (beating the Bell Gargs, accidentally fighting Andre, countless Souls lost), but the moment that stands out to me was when I fought the Gaping Dragon. I was attacking him and chipping away at his huge health pool little by little. It wasn’t a hard fight, per se, but it was a grueling one. I was doing potato damage with my Battle Axe because I hadn’t upgraded it more than once or twice (so important in the Souls games), so I was relying on my pyro. Despite how long it was taking, I was doing a good job chipping away at his MASSIVE health pool. It seemed to be taking forever, but I finally got him down to the final hit or two. I deliberately calmed myself because I knew that getting too excited in the last seconds was the worst thing I could do. I took a step back to maneuver myself and–I fell into an abyss that I hadn’t seen was there. That did it. I screamed in frustration and threw my controller. I instantly quit the game and vowed never to play it again.
That didn’t last, obviously. A year or two later, I picked it up again because–well, I’m not really sure why. Wait, I know why. Because the sequel was coming out soon and I thought I should finish the first game before moving onto the second. I was already late to the game and had bought the Prepare to Die edition (which came with the DLC), which meant I didn’t have that much time to beat the original game before the sequel came out.
It was easier the second time around, but not easy by any means. When I made it back to the Gaping Dragon, my Battle Axe was much more upgraded as was my Pyromancy Flame. I watched him like a hawk and made sure not to step in the abyss like I had the last time. I got nervous because I couldn’t even find the abyss, let alone step into it. I finished off the Gaping Dragon with little fanfare before taking a jog around the arena. I wanted to see the abyss that had been the bane of my existence for so long. As I kept jogging, I couldn’t find it. I wondered if I was losing my mind. Was it a false memory? It couldn’t be! It had traumatized me for over a year; it had to be true. Finally, at the very back of the arena, I found the abyss. It’s very obvious it’s there and there was no way I should have fallen the first time around.
I wouldn’t say the game got easy after that, but it never frightened me in the same way it did before. Frustrated the hell out of me, yes. Enraged me, yup. Defeated me, sure. But frighten? No. Or maybe I’m looking at it through rose-colored glasses.
From that rocky start sprang my love for the Souls games. Which, as I type it, is a lie. I hated the original by the time I finished it and vowed I would never touch it again. Obviously, that was a lie. By the time I finished the second game, I was hooked–except for the DLCs. When the third game came out, I was such a stan that I considered buying it on the day it was released–which I never do. Ian bought it for me because he knew how much I loved the games and how cheap I was. He bought me the season’s pass as well so I would get all the DLC the day they were released.
It was the first time I played a Dark Souls game in real time–I normally played them years after they came out. I wonder if that’s part of why the third game is my favorite game of all time?
It might be. But, it’s also because the third game is the cumulation of everything best about the two games before it. It didn’t break much new ground, but it certainly polished the Dark Souls formula to a shine.
I’m excited about Elden Ring because it definitely has a Souls background, but it’s also doing something new. I’m not sure exactly what, but I trust Miyazaki. He hasn’t let me down yet.