I have so much fury that I am constantly reining in. The rage is simmering just below the surface. Or rather, it’s several levels deep because I try not to let it out. But it’s there. I’m very aware it’s there, and ever since my medical crisis, I’ve been struggling to keep it under control. I like to say that the infamous line by the Hulk, “That’s my secret Cap; I’m always angry” as he morphs from Bruce Banner into the Hulk is my tagline.
God. I watched a longer clip than the one I included above, and what a wretched movie that was. That’s the only line I remember or liked. But this one line and the way Bruce Banner smiles wryly before getting serious and transforming has stuck in my head ever since. It just hit me right where I live, and I’ve embraced it ever since.
Side note: Americans aren’t comfortable with anger, especially in women/AFAB people. There’s this eagerness to glide right by it as if it didn’t exist. In tandem, there’s an expectation that if someone wrongs you in any way, you will immediately forgive them as soon as they ask. And, sometimes in some contexts, before they even apologize.
I have my issues with the word forgiveness, which I have gone over several times. As that’s not what the post is about, I’ll move past it with great difficulty. (I don’t believe in forgiveness. That’s the TL;DR version of what I want to say.) I will say that anger was a very useful tool in geeting past some traumas, and I hate the fact that American society wants to deny that.
Thinks.
Debates.
Deep breath.
Let’s it go.
Forgiveness benefits the forgiven/perp, not the forgiver/victim. Especially as the way it’s done in this society and the religious taint associated with the concept. (And, yes, I use the word taint deliberately. Not in the vulgar slang sense, but in the actual meaning of the word. I want the negative meaning to shine through.)
Someone trangresses and confesses (because they got found out). They and/or their church immediately pressure the victim to forgive so ostentible everyone can forget and move on. THis is to the perp’s advantage, by teh way, because they are the ones who want the transgression to be forgotten. I’m talking about high profile transgressors, but it happens in less public occasions as well.
I don’t know when this happened, but there’s been a shift in Christianity that made it the burden of the victim to forgive their transgressor the second the latter asked for forgiveness. I mean, Christianity has always been on the side of the transgressor–