It’s been over a year-and-a-half since I died twice and came back–twice! I mean, it had to be twice, right? It would have been pretty weird if I said I came back once after dying twice. Not only would it be weird, but it would be not possible for me to die twice, come back once, and be writing this post.
Clearly, I use humor as a way of dealing with the experience. No wait. That’s not right. I’m not using humor to cope with what happened because cope gives the wrong impression. I don’t knwo how to put this delicately, but…aw hell. I’m just going to say it. It was not a traumatic experience in and of itself. I was out for a week, yes (in a coma), but when I woke up, I had all my faculties intact–more or less. Just a reminder–non-COVID-related walking pneumonia, two cardiac arrests, and an ischemic stroke. That’s all the things that happened to me within twenty minutes. I mean, I had the pneumonia to begin with, and it’s what triggered the rest.
This is going to sound like a humblebrag, but trust me that it’s not–I brushed my shoulders off and kept it pushing. Ok, yeah, it is a humblebrag even though I don’t mean it to be. It’s one reason I don’t talk about it much. It’s hard not to be all like, “Yeah, it was nothing” and have it land. Most people who have had strokes have to deal with the aftermath. Me, I have a few small things such as not being able to do simple math in my head and forgetting things, but those are easily remedied by writing shit down.
I feel slightly guilty at times for getting off so easy. I’ve researched the effects of a stroke. I watched a video from a Mayo Clinic doctor (best hospital in the world, and local!) stressing that someone with a stroke can’t think of going back to normal. He was much more diplomatic than that, but that’s what he meant. Basically, he was saying, it’s going to change. Your life, I mean. He was pretty unequivocal about that. Even while he was trying to be positive, it was clear that he wanted people to understand that life as they knew it was over.
I keep remembering a comment I read on Ask A Manager. I don’t remember the context, but it was in April of last year from someone who had had a stroke in January of the same year. She said that she went from having a full-time job to only being able to sit up for a few hours at a time. She would never drive again–which, by the way, is funny because the only time I was forbidden from driving was for a day after my angiogram. Other than that, driving was not mentioned at all. The physical therapist watched me walk twice (for five minutes each time two days in a row), then said she had nothing left to teach me. I passed all the tests with colors if not flying colors. Everything got checked off. Speech, eating, grooming, and walking. They never tested my writing, but that’s not necessary these days. I don’t type quite as fast as I used to, but it’s still faster than the average. I used to type over a hundred words a minute, and I’m probably closer to 80 WPM these days. Touch typing with the Dvorak system, yo.
Anyway. Back to the commenter. She could only sit up for two or so hours at a time. She couldn’t work more than four hours a day. She could only type with one hand. She wasn’t going into the office, but working at home. She tired easily.
It really affected me because it was clear that her life had changed. Mine, not so much. Again, there are some small things I have to adjust for. I will say that I’m not comfortable driving, but I never was. It’s just that my peripheral vision is even worse now than it was before. But it’s not a big deal. Lyft is a thing and my brother is willing to drive me if he has time.