Underneath my yellow skin

Tag Archives: creative

Indie games are (often) my jam

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Let’s talk about indie games. As AAA games are getting more and more bloated, and more and more expensive, indie games are holding the line as far as scope and cost. And yet, they are still innovating and creating experiences that are thrilling, charming, chill AF, engrossing, etc. They continue to delight me even as there are many indie games that are, to put it politely, hot garbage.

I think one of the reasons I have such a good time with indies is because I am much more open when I try an indie game than a triple A. Or rather, I go in with less preconceived notions than I do when I play a triple A game. In addition, I have different expectations when I’m buying a triple A versus an indie game.

Side note: I rarely buy triple A games. I mentioned this in the post yesterday how the last one I reviewed was Ghost of Tsushima (Sucker Punch Productions) in December of 2024. Again, we are not talking about FromSoft as they are in their own category. The last game I reviewed from them was–well, it was Elden Ring Nightreign, but that doesn’t count. The last real FromSoft game I reviewed was Shadow of the Erdtree, which was released in June of 2024. Wait a minute. I did review Nightreign, and it came out in May of last year. So that’s the last AAA game I reviewed. I’ll be honst with you. If it wasn’t a From game, I wouldn’t have bought it.

(Restrains from going down the FromSoft path.)

I don’t do multiplayer games, either. I don’t do shooters, sci-fi, or  strategy games. I do do RPGs, adventure games, action-adventure games, and cozy games. Within the cozy genre, I like story-driven games, games about death, and cooking sims. Cooking sims and other kinds of sims.

We have to talk about price point as well. I rarely pay more than twenty dollars for an indie game. There are a few that were twenty-five or so, and even that made me hesitate. But, I still forked over the money, and I was glad I did. I don’t usually do the money per hour conversion, but one particular game I’m thinking of that was twenty-five bucks, I put over 250 hours into it. That’s 10 cents an hour.

When I say I don’t expect the same things from AAA games versus indie games, I don’t mean that I expect less from one or the other–I just mean I expect different things. With a non-From AAA game, I expect great graphics, sweeping narratives, thrilling action, and just everything to be epic. I swear to god, I am not being snide or snarky when I say that this is a good thing.


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Life goals now that I have a life

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It’s been over a year-and-a-half since I died twice and came back–twice! I mean, it had to be twice, right? It would have been pretty weird if I said I came back once after dying twice. Not only would it be weird, but it would be not possible for me to die twice, come back once, and be writing this post.

Clearly, I use humor as a way of dealing with the experience. No wait. That’s not right. I’m not using humor to cope with what happened because cope gives the wrong impression. I don’t knwo how to put this delicately, but…aw hell. I’m just going to say it. It was not a traumatic experience in and of itself. I was out for a week, yes (in a coma), but when I woke up, I had all my faculties intact–more or less. Just a reminder–non-COVID-related walking pneumonia, two cardiac arrests, and an ischemic stroke. That’s all the things that happened to me within twenty minutes. I mean, I had the pneumonia to begin with, and it’s what triggered the  rest.

This is going to sound like a humblebrag, but trust me that it’s not–I brushed my shoulders off and kept it pushing. Ok, yeah, it is a humblebrag even though I don’t mean it to be. It’s one reason I don’t talk about it much. It’s hard not to be all like, “Yeah, it was nothing” and have it land. Most people who have had strokes have to deal with the aftermath. Me, I have a few small things such as not being able to do simple math in my head and forgetting things, but those are easily remedied by writing shit down.

I feel slightly guilty at times for getting off so easy. I’ve researched the effects of a stroke. I watched a video from a Mayo Clinic doctor (best hospital in the world, and local!) stressing that someone with a stroke can’t think of going back to normal. He was much more diplomatic than that, but that’s what he meant. Basically, he was saying, it’s going to change. Your life, I mean. He was pretty unequivocal about that. Even while he was trying to be positive, it was clear that he wanted people to understand that life as they knew it was over.

I keep remembering a comment I read on Ask A Manager. I don’t remember the context, but it was in April of last year from someone who had had a stroke in January of the same year. She said that she went from having a full-time job to only being able to sit up for a few hours at a time. She would never drive again–which, by the way, is funny because the only time I was forbidden from driving was for a day after my angiogram. Other than that, driving was not mentioned at all. The physical therapist watched me walk twice (for five minutes each time two days in a row), then said she had nothing left to teach me. I passed all the tests with colors if not flying colors. Everything got checked off. Speech, eating, grooming, and walking. They never tested my writing, but that’s not necessary these days. I don’t type quite as fast as I used to, but it’s still faster than the average. I used to type over a hundred words a minute, and I’m probably closer to 80 WPM these days. Touch typing with the Dvorak system, yo.

Anyway. Back to the commenter. She could only sit up for two or so hours at a time. She couldn’t work more than four hours a day. She could only type with one hand. She wasn’t going into the office, but working at home. She tired easily.

It really affected me because it was clear that her life had changed. Mine, not so much. Again, there are some small things I have to adjust for. I will say that I’m not comfortable driving, but I never was. It’s just that my peripheral vision is even worse now than it was before. But it’s not a big deal. Lyft is a thing and my brother is willing to drive me if he has time.


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RIP, Chris Cornell

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I woke up this morning to the news that Chris Cornell is dead. Not only is he dead, it’s possibly a suicide. I reacted strongly to the news, and that surprised me. See, I was never a big Soundgarden fan, nor an Audioslave fan. I was not into the grunge movement at all, but of course I knew who the slight guy with the huge voice was. I was in the middle of writing another post when I read an article on FB about Cornell’s death, and I can’t get it off my mind ever since. I’ve been listening to this on repeat for the last half hour:

His voice is otherworldly. There’s something angelic about it, but also earthy. Like many gifted people, he made it seem effortless when he’d glide from a growl to falsetto with ease. Every time I heard him sing, I thought he was not meant to be living among us. It was always metaphorical, though. Like, a voice like that is meant to soar high above us, not mingle with us mere mortals. He is one person whose singing can send literal chills up and down my spine.

I’ve listened to several of his covers, and they are incredible. He takes the song and makes it his own without losing the core of what made the song powerful in the first place.

The thing is, when I listen to Cornell sing, I can’t help but feel all the emotions pouring out of him. The pain, the rage, the agony. Especially the pain. Cornell lays it all out there every time he sings, and there’s a steep price to pay for that.

I think that’s what I can’t get over. More than losing an incredible talent that could evoke so much emotion from his listeners, it’s knowing he was such a conduit for all the darkness in this world. One of the downsides to being creative is being exposed to all the shadow emotions that most people deny, shy away from, or simply don’t realize exist. I don’t think you have to be mentally ill to be creative, but I do think you have to be open to things that aren’t always safe or good for you. The trick is knowing how to control it and not let it control you, and that line is invisible at times.

It can be a burden to see things others don’t see, to feel things so deeply, your heart literally aches. I don’t know if this was true for Chris Cornell, but his voice says it was.

Chris Cornell is, was, incredibly attractive for so many reasons. I joked that I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers, and it’s not just his piercing blue eyes and intense gaze. It was the whole package, including that incredible voice and, yes, his brooding nature. I’m attracted to the darkness as are many other creative types.

I’m sitting here, stunned, by the death of a man I didn’t know, never met, and only knew through his music. I can’t put into words why I feel this way because I simply do not know. I haven’t been hit this hard by a celebrity death since…Alan Rickman. That one made sense to me; this one does not.

I wish I had something pithy or wise to say to wrap up this post, but I do not. All I can say is it’s so fucking sad that Chris Cornell is dead. Another one taken from us way too soon. RIP, Chris.