The failure mode of clever is asshole – John Scalzi
This is a quote that has gotten some mileage online and for good reason. John Scalzi wrote a whole post about this back in 2010. I’m sure it was in reaction to something that happened, but that part doesn’t matter. It’s been a wihle since I’ve read the whole post, but that quote has always stuck in my head. Plus, people use it a lot online (and usually in the correct way). I reread the post when I decided to head this post with it, and it’s definitely not “apropos of nothing in particular” as he says at the start of the post. That is neither here nor there, though, because it’s still relevant.
Now, he used it specifically for people who were DMing someone for the first time (or something similar), but it works in a broader sense, too. if you’re in a group that isn’t your tight group of friends who know you really well, the stakes are really high (socially) to make a risque/crude/gross comment. Not a joke, though it’s often phrased that way (afterwards, in defense).
Here’s my first post in which I talk about a situation that happened in the Discord I’m in. A person whom I’m calling…Bob. That’s the name I gave him. He made a comment that he said was a joke (but it wasn’t), then furiously doubled down when others called him on it.
I got to it late and was very tired. I don’t like getting into frays, so I have to decide if it’s important enough for me to say something. It takes a lot of energy for me to debate things especially as I automatically think my way of thinking is wrong*. I’m not a good debater, and I can end up feeling frustrated at the end of things if I haven’t changed the other person’s mind.
One thing that plays into my decision whether or not to debate is if I think I have any chance on changing someone’s mind. I know it’s futile to think that way because most people reading will never comment, but might think about what I have to say. But in general, I evaluate whether the person I’m responding to is worth it.
On the other hand, sometimes a topic is important enough to talk about it whether I think I can change anyone’s mind or not. That happened recently in which I read comment after comment that irritated me on a specific subject. It went on and on with a health amount of “kids today” underlying the whole argument. And, “I’m one of the good ones”, too. Both of these are lines that really stick in my craw.