Yesterday, I was talking about a post on Ask A Manager that talked about how to deal with a man at a convention who was annoying/harrassing several attendants of the con. I meandered hither and yon and never addressed the first person who said it was ableist to ban someone because of their disability.
It’s interesting to me how much energy is given in defending autistic white cis boys/men and how little into doing the same for non-male people with autism. Mainly girls, but also nonbinary/genderqueer/agender people. I think the third category is completely ignored as is almost always the case. But with autistic girls, they are not afforded the same benefit of the doubt.
First of all, many are not even diagnosed. If they act out in the stereotypical male autistic way (stimming, shouting, melting down, etc.), they are more likely to be reprimanded or punished for it. I’m grossly simplifying matters, of course, but I’m not wrong, either. It’s that way with many things that are considered typical male behavior (including ADHD).
That gender issue is the reason I never even consider that I had autism, but I’ve talked about that elsewhere. Back to the post.
The commenters were pretty good at dissecting the one comment about Alex potentially being banned for his disability (versus being banned for his behavior). If anything, he was given more leeway because he was neuroatypical as the past committees tried to find ways to accommodate that.
Side note: I think one of the best suggestions was to have a code of conduct that could work for everyone. Someone else added that there should be a specific notice about sexual harassment. Several people suggested the code of conduct, which I appreciated. But those who were saying that there should be specific rules for Alex were off-base, I think. If it’s a very small fandom then perhaps you can have rules per person, but it quickly gets ungainly.
The sceond defense of Alex was that it’s not up to neurotypicals to decide if a neuroatypical perosn’s behavior is weird or not. I agree when it comes to behavior that does not directly affect the neurotypical person such as stimming, not looking someone in the eye, etc. However, when it comes to interactions, yes, the person being interacted upon gets to decide how much they want–especially in personal interaction (as opposed to work).
Side note: It’s the same when people say that you should date all races. That it’s racist not to. Well, the latter is true, but as a person of color, I do not want someone to date me out of guilt or obligation. I have had a few white women espouse this belief, and, uh, no thanks. I don’t need your pity date, thank you very much. I don’t want to date someone who is not eagerly wanting to date me!