I realized a few decades ago that many people are not comfortable with plain speaking. I don’t mean brutal honesty because I am not into that, but I do mean speaking without euphemisms. I started saying I was fat because I am. I don’t like ‘plump’ or ‘zaftig’ or ‘fluffy’. I don’t hate them, either, but they’re too vague for me. ‘Fat’ is a good, solid word. There’s nothing hidden about it. To me, it’s a neutral term, though I understand that other people don’t like it. I only use it to describe myself, not other people (unless they are like-minded).
Another term is old. I use it for myself in the RKG Discord because I’m definitely on the old side. I don’t think 53 is that old, but it’s ancient in gaming. I mean, the kids are complaining when they hit thirty of being old, so, yeah.
A concept that I get push back for is something I mentioned in yesterday’s post: My parents don’t love me. I used to say that they loved the concept of their daaughter, but I’m not even sure that is true any longer. Heer’s the thing. They should not have been parents. I don’t think they actually wanted to be parents, but it was drummed in their heads (back in the last millennium in Taiwan) that they had to do it.
My father did it for saving face purposes. That was what real men did. Got married and have kids. Fuck around on the side. Provide money for the family, which was all he needed to do. In his mind, anyway. And if my mother pushed back on aynthing he did (like spank my brother), then he petulantly said that he wouldn’t do anything at all.
I knew fairly early on that he did not want to be a father. My mother, on the other hand, had stated quite plainly that she always wanted to be a mother, that it was the most important thing in the world to her. It was all she wanted (so she said out loud), but it isn’t reflected in her actions. Or rather, she did the shit that she thought a mother was supposed to do (cooking, cleaning, sewing). She also pushed my brother and me to do all the things she thought a kid was supposed to do. In my case, it was dance (tap, ballet, jazz), an instrument (first, piano for a few years and then cello for seven or eight, the latter which included orchestra), ping-pong, T-ball/softball, volleyball), and I did try to get into acting, but that was for me. It’s so stereotypically Tiger Mom that my mother didn’t think my brother or I should have a second to breathe.