Before I landed in the hospital, I had a pretty boring. life. We’re putting aside the pandemic because that wreaked havoc on everyone. I will say that it affected me less than it did many people because I had worked from home before the pandemic and spent 90% of my time alone, anyway. I ordered food from Amazon, attended Zoom Taiji classes, and only went out once a month to get my meds. In other words, my life wasn’t that much different than pre-pandemic, except for levels of anxiety.
You hear about people who did all sorts of amazing things during the pandemic. Learned a new trade or craft, for example. Making sourdough bread seemed to be a big deal for a hot minute. There was so much crap about improving yourself and what the fuck ever. In the middle of a pandemic, most people were just trying not to lose their shit. But, it’s the American mentality to think you have to make something out of nothing, even during a pandemic.
I hate the saying, “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” It’s saying that going through tough times is actually good for you. I’m not arguing about the veracity of the statement, but more about the smug tone in which it is usually said. Also ,the strident ignoring of the terrible thing that the person went through to get to the point of being stronger. Also, not every thing has to be a teachable moment, but that’s a lesser point.
K and I were once in a bar and discussing this very saying. It was probably 25 years ago, but I still haven’t forgotten the conversation. I was grousing about this saying for whatever reason. Intellectually, I know it’s just twaddle and that I should ignore it. For whatever reason, however, whenever I hear it, I want to rake my eyes out.
I grumbled that it’s such bullshit and puts the burden on the victim to be the better person. Which is abusive in my eyes. And it’s toxic positivity by denying that something awful has happened. I know it doesn’t have to be that way, but that’s usually what it ends up being.
We kicked the saying around a bit. I came up with, “That which does not kill you does not kill you.” I thought it was better, but it still didn’t express exactly what I meant. It was clunky and skirted around the point. We chewed it over a bit longer and K came up with, “That which does not kill you still fucking sucks.” “Perfect!” said I. And lo, it was done. I still use that saying because it expresses my feeling succinctly.